Sometimes we fear dreams that we see and pray that hope that doesnt turn into reality someday Self Diary page 17


'You had one of those again?"
Cassandra nods. "Tell me what did you saw in details".
"I've told you before!" Cassandra protests.
"I want to hear it again Cas" Doc Louise Reynolds commands in a low voice and hold a pen against her note diary.
Cassandra sighs heavily and starts
"I saw I was standing behind a bush near some kind of river or pond I don't know, and I saw two figures one man and a woman in a intimate moment and then suddenly the woman stabbed that man with a knife and blood was flowing from his stomach.. and" Cassandra covers her face with both of her hands and sighs heavily. "and that's it."

Doc Louise was running her pen in her note diary then stops and looks at Cassandra "You need a glass of water?"

"No Im fine" Cassandra now waits for Doc Louise to continue with something which will stops these nightmares, instead she says "how do you think your dream version Cassandra felt seeing that from the sight?" Cassandra's confusion takes over her face as she doubts that this can't be a serious question. But when Doc Louise didn't said anything and stared at her with a waiting eyes, she shakes her head in disbelief "what do you want me to feel? may be fear and and and disgust and a feeling that tolds me run from there?" Cassandra's cheeks red from fury and disbelief. "Did you saw your face? "
"Gosh Louise what it have to be with my face?  I'm seeing these nightmares from at least four years and all I want is just to stop them. Can you help me with that?" Cassandra was now leaning towards the table what separates her from doc Louise.

"Cas calm down. I know you're furious right now but it's nightmare I can't give you medicines for nightmares now, can I? All I'm trying to find is why you're getting them then may be we can help it." Louise says in a calm voice and Cassandra almost felt guilty for anger.

Louise knows her for six years when the accident happened and from then she's the only close and strong support system she's been carrying. Louise is like the mother figure she never had or might be she had. She knows nothing about her past. That accident left Cassandra with nothing. She was found is road of Brooklyn and her car was crashed heavily. Luckily or unluckyly she survived the accident ,she was in coma for what the doctors told her for 9 or so months. Everyone at the small hospital of Brooklyn quited all hopes for her to return in her normal self, but she did recover from the coma and was treated for at least 2 years.

She was informed that she had a bad head injury and what it's called Retrograde Amnesia is what erased her previous memories and her payments in the hospital was given from a NGO called CAV (Charity for Anonymous Victims ).When her body was found in the car, drenched in blood, there was not identify card with her. Even the car number was burned down. Cassandra accepted her fate more easily than she and other could've expected. Police and the hospital employees suggested Cassandra of posting her photos on news papers but she had simply refused. She remembers she said "If someone loves me they will find me I'll not." But that was a lie. Cassandra always was afraid of her past. It was to her digging into mud to find something filthy and ruining her own cloths. Somehow she never wanted to go back, although she didn't remembered a single shred of events from her past.

Then couple of months after she recoverd. she met Doctor Louise Reynold. She was a psychologist in her mid fifty she guessed, with lanky figure, gorgeous blond hair, calm eyes some wrinkles around them and with thin lips. Somehow all her features together made her seem like a empathic person. and she was empathic towards Cassandra. Cassandra always thought that with her narrow brown eyes she can always stare right through Cassandra. Cassandra remembers first when she called her doctor but Louise stopped her and told her to call her only Louise. She knew right then they will get together so smoothly like a right key entering the right lock. And she was right. After every session Louise will call her to know if she liked the session or not. She would arrange coffee dates with her to discuss about Cassandra's some little social life. there will always be her name in the wish list on her birthday. Now when she thinks all the employees in that Brooklyn hospital made her feel wanted, made her feel like she's a good person. When she doubted her there always was them cheering her up.

"I'm sorry Louise, I'm just tensed."
"It's okay Cas"
After a moment of silence Louise says "Didn't you go for a interview last Wednesdays?"
"Yeah I did"
"How's that gone?"
"Fine I guess"
"They didn't call you?"
Cassandra have thought that before. It's been two days and there was no call regarding the post. When she leave that building she thought she did good. But now it seems foolish to expect a call . After all there was 50 or so other candidates before her. She feels a sadning in her chest. Not because she didn't get the job. Well Ofcourse it was a part of the reason being sad but the main reason was she can never see Lyla Harper in front of her again!

"No they didn't call me, I thought I did good but apparently just 'good' seems not enough" She says with a shrug.

"Don't worry Cas you'll find another job. I believe that" Louise says with a wink. The wink is a signal that she wants a smile from Cassandra. Cassandra have learned it over the course.

Cassandra smiles but some thought came to her mind like darkning clouds. Louise was going to say something but she cut her off-

"Do you think those are real?"
"What?"
"Those nightmares" her words are more like whispered, she says leaning forward.Louise seems uncomfortable by the questions and says "I can't say that with certainty but..."
"But is this normal? "
"what? Amnesia patients of having nightmares of their forgotten past ?"
"yes."
"It is. But let's not assume anything right now okay?  You just relax and prepare for your future."
Cassandra say nothing.
"Look Cas let me be honest with you. You just started looking for serious jobs and getting ready for interviews are lot of headache, I don't want you to take further stress because of these nightmares."
Cassandra nods slowly.
"Are you been drinking again?"
Cassandra in shock replies "NO! I've quitted I told you remember ?"
"I do" Louise says without looking at her, lowering her head to looks at the notes.
"You don't believe me right? " Cassandra says with a little laughter.
"No Cas I believe you. I just want you to be more careful of your health."
"It's fine if you don't believe me. It's not like I've done things to appear as believable." She shakes her shoulders.
"Honey come here." Louise says as she stands up from her seat and takes Cassandra's hand and pulls her for a tight hug. Louise taller than Cassandra with her hills. Cassandra sighs heavily and then savors some of Louise's mint perfume.
"I'm trying you know." Her voice muffles in Louise's chest.
"I know honey I know" She pats Cassandra's back.
Staring into Cassandra's eyes Louise says "I've believe you from the beginning Cassandra." and looks at her with such affection that reflects, Cassandra thinks not a Doctor- patient affection , it's a motherly affection. May be Louise considers Cassandra her daughter. May be not just Louise fill in Cassandra's life, Cassandra too fills in Louise's life. She's that longed daughter that Louise never had.
***
When Cassandra walk off the small country house of Louise in Brooklyn to Subway station her cell phone rings in her bag. Cassandra after searching her bag finally founds the phone. The call was about to end when Cassandra picks it up quickly. It's a unknown number with a Manhattan resident coad. Cassandra eyes lit up as she thought may be its from HARPER STYLES to let her know that she have got the job but when she pick up the phone saying hello in a shallow voice, Silent  came from other side. She again calls "Hello who's this?" then Cassandra hears heavy breathing and every hair in her arms stands up as she quickly cut off the phone.

She first thought that she will mention the fact that she constantly feels someone following her, Stalking her but decided against it. May be its her imagination. The cell phone buzzed once again and she stares at the number. Same number. She picked up hesitantly.
"Hi? Who's this I can't hear you.." she thought maybe it's network problem but she knew it's not. More heavy breathing came from the speaker. "Is this kind of fuking joke? Mal I'll not cook dinner for you today if I find out its you. Mal is this you? Mal....hello..."then the phone hang up.

Cassandra walks furiously , deciding to give a piece of her mind to Mal knowing it couldn't be anyone else from that wicked bitch. Then her phone buzzes again and when Cassandra picks the phone, about to burst off with anger a female voice came from the other side..
"Is this Cassandra Macmillan I'm talking to ?"
"Yes" she said quietly
"Congratulations, you've got the sales job at HARPER STYLES. We are expecting you on Monday, sharp at 9 Am."