Fox On Parchment
1
You can’t miss something that you have no memory of. You can have a fleeting feeling of the thing that is missing, but you cannot hold it. You cannot touch it. You cannot wrap your mind around something that is gone and that will not come back.
There is no way to earn the memory back, so then you must fight for something else to take its place. Eventually that will happen. But it will never quite be the right shape to complete the puzzle.
This is why I feel for Teja. I feel bad that I must leave her and she cannot know why, or how long I will be gone. But I know. I do know. I will be gone for a forevertime, until Teja has stopped wondering and has filled her puzzle up, not with the right pieces but with ones that will do the job.
I’m glad that there is only Teja to worry about. I will worry about her as much as I can, and i will not stop worrying. But at least I do not have to worry about anyone else. Teja is my world. In a small corner of my mind I will know that she is safe in Ten Units. But I will get up and I will wonder. I will wonder what she is doing. Is she sleeping seven hours? Is she eating enough? Is she okay without me? Has anything changed? Has she tried out makeup yet? Teja is the designated tomboy (despite me being the boy), but I would like to see her be adventurous and try things that I know other girls her age do. But Teja is Teja. There is no chance that you could even begin to change an eight year old to a completely different eight year old.
So in two days I say goodbye to sweet Teja in Ten Units and go far, far away to a corner of this planet that is unfamiliar and unrecognizable. I know I will eventually want to go home, that the pull of home is inevitable. But I must stay. I cannot back out now, for the promise of the money and support is near. But it will never be as strong as the call of home.
You can’t miss something that you have no memory of. You can have a fleeting feeling of the thing that is missing, but you cannot hold it. You cannot touch it. You cannot wrap your mind around something that is gone and that will not come back.
There is no way to earn the memory back, so then you must fight for something else to take its place. Eventually that will happen. But it will never quite be the right shape to complete the puzzle.
This is why I feel for Teja. I feel bad that I must leave her and she cannot know why, or how long I will be gone. But I know. I do know. I will be gone for a forevertime, until Teja has stopped wondering and has filled her puzzle up, not with the right pieces but with ones that will do the job.
I’m glad that there is only Teja to worry about. I will worry about her as much as I can, and i will not stop worrying. But at least I do not have to worry about anyone else. Teja is my world. In a small corner of my mind I will know that she is safe in Ten Units. But I will get up and I will wonder. I will wonder what she is doing. Is she sleeping seven hours? Is she eating enough? Is she okay without me? Has anything changed? Has she tried out makeup yet? Teja is the designated tomboy (despite me being the boy), but I would like to see her be adventurous and try things that I know other girls her age do. But Teja is Teja. There is no chance that you could even begin to change an eight year old to a completely different eight year old.
So in two days I say goodbye to sweet Teja in Ten Units and go far, far away to a corner of this planet that is unfamiliar and unrecognizable. I know I will eventually want to go home, that the pull of home is inevitable. But I must stay. I cannot back out now, for the promise of the money and support is near. But it will never be as strong as the call of home.
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