I thought that I loved her smile, I loved her voice, I loved whatever she had, whatever she was.
But never for a moment it felt to me like I loved her, now that I realize more than that,
I worshipped her.
I worshipped the idea of her existence.

At first it's difficult.
All these thoughts being injected into your mind, all these feelings that you never had before conquering the all of your thoughts, it isn't easy.

I met her on a very beautiful day. It was February and well, the weather couldn't be more beautiful. She was like a hurricane in a desert, considering my weak heart to be an extremely dry desert. She flooded my heart in a one hour class.
She was completely unaware of my existence and yet from that day her existence became everything to me.
I am not a stalker. I couldn't just ask people around or look her up on social media.
So God decided to help my dumb soul. On a jasmine flavored calm evening on the balcony of my room I found her glowing face on my phone screen.
Then again, my dumb soul couldn't just text her up or say hello when she walks by. Trust me those have been the most intense moments of life. Everytime she walked by me my heart used to start beating like I am standing on the top of a 100 storied building looking down.
I had fear of heights.
On the middle of a "kalboishakhi" stormy night with no electricity and the battery level of my phone down to 4 percent,
we exchanged greetings.
It was a handful of happy moments. Moments that you wish you could put in a jar and preserve for the rest of your life. Moments so precious that no matter how many times you repeat them, it's never the same.
We became friends.
We were pretty good at being friends.
I was on top of the world.
But even after cutting through the conversation initiation phase and being friends,
Every single damn time she walked by, I died a thousand times.
And the intensity of that hurricane never seemed to decrease.
Great!
She always called me by my name.
Till today I couldn't call her by her name or by anything. It leaves me wondering how did I pass so much time with her without even calling her name for once.
Honestly, I don't have the slightest clue to it.
She had this unique smell, I have no idea if it's a perfume or not. But if I close my eyes and a hundred people walks by me, I could easily pull her out of the crowd, closer to me.
I could sense her presence in really weird ways.
She was beautiful, she was noticable, she stood out.
And if not for any of them I loved her for she had a soul, a soul that's only hers and no one had any influence on it.
Every single time she was with me, I felt like it's only the two of us existing in this universe.
So when a dumb person loves a girl without letting her know any trace of it,
drama entails.
Bad, bad drama. And a lot of them.
Drama is unnecessary.
Even if you are telling a story, it is just a pleasure to your wishful thinking.
So I'll excuse you from that.
To put it one sentece, it's just what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.
Yeah, they don't.
That night, I stood by the shore watching the bridge between us burn down into a small pile of memories on the river of time. The river will slowly wash them away too.
I sat under the sky trying to draw her face out of the patterns of the stars, silently, while an Atlantic was set on fire inside my heart.
I hit the rock bottom.
I just did what my heart told me to do.
Isn't that exactly what they say?"Follow your heart."
I did, and I know I would be happier if I didn't.
But that's the perk of growing up, you realize there are things bigger than happiness.
The touch of a soul like that is worth the sacrifice.
I so badly want the theory of parallel universe to be true. I want us to be together in atleast one of the million ones.