The Great North Sperm Race
Swimming around day in, day out
Confined to these dark dingy balls
Give me a hand, I need to escape
These slippery slimy dim walls
There's been a stewards enquiry
A photo finish
With plenty of false empty starts
Losing count, the amount of times
I've seen legs, spread open apart
Starting orders, at the race line
Sporting my sixty-nine vest
Hoping that this bloody time
I'll finish ahead of the rest
{Commentary}
BANG! THEY'RE OFF
A STEEP CLIMB UPTO PLUM HILLS
DUCKING AND DIVING, A FEW TAIL OFF
WITH ALL THE THRILLS AND THE SPILLS
IN POSITION, GOING GOOD
THE TWO-THIRTY NOVICE SPERM CHASE
BUMPING AND JUMPING
AT SPEED IN THE LEAD
KEEPING A GOOD BUT STEADY PACE
Touching distance
I've come so far, I simply cannot fail
Come on, one last push
Frantically wiggling my tail
A tenth of a second, I'm there, I've won
First across the line
Jubilant, ecstatic, oh yeah, get in
On reaching her egg on time