I don't remember much about it i was three years old back then when my father was gone. He was a heavy smoker he died due to stomack cancer.

I don't know how he looked like before he got sick however ; i do have an old picture of him

All i know he was a good looking man
i inherited nothing but his height he was taller apart from that

I looked exactly like my mom on the outside ...
I was so young for me to remember him he was 37 when he died.
My mother used to tell me that my father had a wish and that he would hit his head if he only get a chance to see me open the house door for him one day he'd be so happy . I guess that was his only wish unfortunately he was gone before it happened ..

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                          Flashback

The day after the funural

Walking  inside the cemetary seeing my dad's grave, buried was like a nightmare for me

The fresh soil on his grave was still wet...
"no no nooo that's not my dad you are lying to me "  crying my heart out
" get him out , get him out , my dad is still alive" shouting out loud, digging through  the soil with my tiny, little hands..
I was trying to get my dad out of that grave like he is still alive like he is still there
Behind my tears and digging It was like i was trying to say

why you had to go so soon?
who can take your place now that your gone dad ?
why you had to leave me when things started to get good ?
what can i do without you by my side ?

Suddenly i felt a hand pulling me softly ..
It was  my mom
She put her hand around my waist and left me off the ground putting me on her shoulder  shushing me trying to make me feel better..


That was the last and only memory i recall at that age ...
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I had an uncle he was the only person i deeply loved after my father's death he was more than a father to me my protector, my everything in this world.
He also had cancer and was a heavy smoker ..
He was addicted to drugs
The doctors couldn't diagnose his illness they thought the disease was in his head perhaps due to the lack of equipements or proffesional doctors
I believe it was both anyway
After being exposed several times and seeing by different doctors it appeared to be a throat cancer but it was already spreading by their late discovery
Too late to be cured. He was 28 back then.

I was only 5 years old but i still remember him because there were nothing i desired and he couldn't afford it. All the time buying me chocolate and  taking me with him whenever he goes. He loved me so much and i was so attached to him. .
But then things started to change .
The symptoms got worse. He became weak and slowly lost his health. he couldn't walk straight .
My mother took good care of him
He died two years later after my father ..

I only regeret about one incident happened during his sickness and till now mom thinks it was my fault..
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                        Flashback

I was young and scared when i remember the fight of my two stobborn brothers they were upstairs fighting i heard their screaming and i was with my uncle downstairs.
There were this huge basin on the floore my grand mother filled it with water and put it on the gaz ..and  it was put in the middle of the hall way.
The water was already boiling when the fight started and my grandms was with them trying to stop the fight
but it only got worse i was scared.
I looked at my uncle and told him to go check on them he told me that it was nothing becasue he was feeling duzy i just couldn't see it all i cared about was that fight so i beged him  once more to go see them .
He tried to please me as he always does

"ok i'll go check what's going on " he said
I saw him walking slowly grabbing his hand against the wall his body was shaking he soon got near the boiling water  the basin  was two inches away from him since the hall was tight..
A few moments later he lost his balance and fell of the boiling water all i heard was him screaming so loud scared the hell out of me i was so shocked seeing my uncle burning so painful couldn't save him i was helpless i was... hurt.
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Can't Forget that image
I was so devestated it was my fault i was being a brat about that stupid fight i should of stopped him
i should of .........aah

That's ok now i guess i know it was meant to happen somehow but didn't forget that i was the reason behind it ... 
Fortunately he had recovered from it months later i was so happy but my happiness wasn't meant to last after all his illness took advantage of him and he was gone ...
lost the one i love the most 
I felt dissapointed and heartbroken by the world
I was  left alone ...  again ..