Four years ago, I made the best and worst mistake.

Not that I wasn't contented for what I had. But I had felt totally incomplete. I was blinded with what I knew was love and eventually had me put a mess into other people's life and stress to myself.

There was this someone in the past that I had taken for granted. Reality hit me knowing that I hadn't moved on yet. It made me regret my choice as I realized that I needed her so much more than anyone else, but it was too late to win her back.

Too late,

Yet we still did something..

Which really complicate everything...

* * *

{ Four Years Ago }

I remember how summer time added the heated argument between me and my wife. Never a day had came past without us having a quarrel. I didn't know what had I done to turn her as a jealous wife. Where in fact, my daily routine was always at work then home after. She was always doubtful of me and that was insane. For almost six years, I did not even  bother to look the other girls just to prove that she was the only one. And still, this was what I was getting for being a good husband?  It's a very childish of her. The more our relationship had taken longer, the more her understanding got narrower.

I loved her. She and our only son but it seemed to me that no matter how good I'd gotten myself was not enough. We've been married and all her rights for owning me only for herself was laid upon. Yet she was still unreasonably crazy. I was really running out of patience to handle it.

Honestly, a little sulking was happened just this morning before I'd gone for work. She's fond of having arguments on every start of the day. She could not even do her responsibility being a wife to me and a mother to our child because she would always choose to argue.

At night, she's crying more dramas which would make us avoid each other the next day. This was not the life that I'd ever wanted. When we were still starting our married life, she was not like that. I didn't know what made her changed so suddenly.

And everyday was getting worst. Even my job was being affected by her insanity. I've been an office staff for three years and during those years this was the only time I was being faulty at it. It was because I could help but take my problems with me everywhere.

"Hey! Oh, looking bad, man." Harold took noticed of my appearance. He was my workmate.

I did not responded. I was not in ths mood to get along with his playfulness.

Our working stations were adjacent to each other that's why I couldn't get rid of him whenever he started to get talkative. Worse than the girls.

"I'm betting my life, it is because of your wife."

I groaned while my eyes were glued on my paper works. I tried to focus to somehow forget my problem.

"Tss. That's what I've been telling you. You know what? Why don't we just have a good time?"

When I turned to him I was expecting to see his naughty reaction. It was obvious by the way his lips stretched out. I shook my head in disbelief. "Man, if I was not a responsible man like you, I'd probably agree with your nasty suggestion."

He tapped my shoulder, "C'mon! You will only do it once just to take your stress away. Look at me now, stress-free! Besides, it was not being irresponsible for wanting a little break from everything."

I turned back to what was I was doing, "Don't compare me to you. You are a certified playboy. I just don't know how come your wife hasn't caught you in the act yet."

"No matter how much you make yourself a good husband, you cannot change the fact that men aren't faithful. Time will just come and you'll realize that you got sick tasting the same dish everyday." He laugh with his own lousy reason. "And my wife? She was very understanding and trust me a lot." He proudly added.

"Is that why you cheat on her? You do know that you're taking advantage of her, don't you."

He shrugged his shoulders as an answer.

I looked at him again. "Man, I'm not like you and the other playboy out there. I'm proud to be a good husband and I am contented."

"Don't say words that you will break sooner." He smirked.

I barely swallowed. I just find his opinion a threat for some reasons. But I did believe myself. I would break my words and remain being a good husband no matter what. Never had I ever thought of cheating on my wife. I loved them both, my son and my wife. They were my motivation eventhough my wife and I get into a lot of misunderstandings. It was not the proper reason for me to cheat.

I did not went straight home. I was too tired to hear pile of complaints from Jessica. I sometimes couldn't control myself and throw harsh words towards her when I was tired. I remember last week, I almost hurt her physically because I came home late from work and instead of asking me how was my day or if I had my dinner, she accused me right away. In fact I told her through a phone call that I was doing an overtime, she was okay with that during the call. That's why I was totally flabbergasted when I came home.

But I promised to myself that I would not do it again- hurting her or almost hurting her. So I decided that whenever we were having an argument, I would just go to my bestfriend's house. His name was Anthony. Our houses were few blocks away from each other. He actually told me yesterday that they would be having a little fun at their house. And I thought, I needed a few drinks to somehow lessen this worse feeling.

As I approached to their house, I could already hear them having fun. Their good vibes made me forget my problem in an instant.

"Lawrence!" They all called in chorus.

Anthony came near me and by the smell of him, I knew he was getting drunk.

"Did Jessica know that you are here?" Anthony asked with an obvious mock.

He knew me very well. We were childhood bestfriends and known each other's secrets. So he knew Jessica and I's current situation. He was actually afraid of my wife that's why whenever I went here, he always asked whether my wife knew I was here or not.

If I said no, he called Jessica telling her that I was here. But I lied to him that Jessica knew I was here. I just did not want my wife to think insanely or go here to fetch me for Christ's sake!

What I only want right now was to have myself a little drink and nothing else.

I sat down on a long bench. Our circle of friends were composed of Kieffee, Lovell, Renz, Miko, Carl, Anthony, Trixie and me. And we were complete tonight! But Anthony and I met the rest when we were in grade school.

At the front door of Anthony's house, there was our only girl, Trixie. She waved her hand out to greet me.

"You look tired and worse, Golum." She teased as she strode towards us.

The rest of us laugh as well. They were fond of mocking me.

I shook my head, "It's why I'm here. To shake my stress off."

The laugher suddenly faded. Their facial expressions were indescribable.

"Aren't you and Jess not okay?" Trixie added.

Before I could speak, my attention was caught by someone who walked out from the house. Suddenly, fear crept on me. My mouth was left ajar as our eyes locked gazes. Subsequently, the atmosphere went quiet.

"Christinna?" I blurted out when my senses went back.

But she did not seem to care about my presence. I even saw her brow arched as she sat down between Kieffee and Renz.

"I see. We are complete again. When I say complete, this is what I'm talking." She gestured her hand out with a little smirk on her lips.

"Uhm.." Anthony stuttered whilst looking at me meaningfully.

He knew it was a big deal for me.

I haven't mentioned her name when I said mt circle of friends. We met her when we were all sophomore. That was before our relationship went to the next level when we were in seniors.

But it all ended when I cheated on her.

I admit, I was a unfaithful before I got married. It could be the reason why Jess was too doubtful of my faithfulness to her. But that was too long ago.

Anyhow, seeing Christinna right now seemed to make me happpy. After so long, our paths finally met. There was no closure between us. 'Coz when she learned that I had cheated on her, she never showed. I had so much guilt during that time.

Up until recently, I guessed.

Most especially, seeing how much she had changed. Her physical appearance, in particular. She was already a head-turner before but it was enhanced with time.

I knew, I gave her so much pain and did nothing to even say my apology to her and to her family. I was nothing but a douche.

"Ahm, Christinna, do you still know Lawrence?"

I glared at Anthony. His question was obviously had a hidden meaning on it.

I heard Christinna laughed. "Yeah. But if he doesn't know me anymore, well I'm willing to introduce myself." She stood up afterwards and extended her hand in front of me.

Surprised, I hesitated to get her hand right away. 

"Christinna San Diego. Nice meeting you again," She introduced herself. "Lawrence Paul Beltran."

I saw her mouth twiched on one side the moment she said my name. Hearing my name from her was kinda intimidating. It gave a fuss inside me. I was afraid she still had the same effect on me from long time ago.

"♪ Why can't it be? Why can't be the two of us.. ♪" our friends mocked-singing.

Christinna got back her hand. "Guys, shut up. His wife might hear you. And please, stop being biased. If you weren't only my friends I wouldn't have made time to be here." She reprimanded before as she sat back to her seat.

"Chill out, Chrissy. We have never ever been biased. In fact, you were actually the one that we wanted to be Lawrence wi-.. I mean, uhh.." Lovell stopped realizing what he's been saying. He just made a sign-peace from his hand, instead.

"Can't we just forget about the past and move on?We're here to celebrate, right?" Trixie chimed in.

"What are we celebrating for?" I asked.

"This is for Christinna. Because, she's now a Chief Creative Officer on a creative/design company." Renz proudly stated.

I felt more intimidated because of that. Not that I was belittling being an office staff. But compare to my job, Christinna's position was way to better. I remember when we were still in college, her parents did not have the capability for her to continue her study. I did not know if she had graduated because she was gone all of a sudden. And now, looking at her, I could not see any hint of the old Christinna. But she was still kind with her feet still on the ground. She had never forgotten her friends.

"And cheers to that!" Karl yelled and put his glass to the air, our other friends did the same.

I smiled and clinked our glasses.

When I turned to Christinna, I was a  bit perplexed seeing that she was looking back at me through the rim of her glass while taking an alluring sip on her drink. I did not want to assume but there seemed a deep meaning by that look.

Was I crazy to think that we were both thinking of getting back together? And hell, why was  thinking about that?

* * *