Six
Should I say I've got up early or I haven't slept at all? 🤔
It was another restless night. I've laid in bed for what seemed like forever, unable to drive off to sleep. I tried to relax and nothing seemed to help. I had a lot in my mind that disallowed my brain to have a rest. The moon light slanted across my face, bathing the floor in silver with its shimmering light. I watched through the window as the leaves of the lemon tree outside, that was planted severl years ago before Melli owned the house- been blown by the sea breeze. After what it seemed forever, my mind started to finally wander into those random 'day-dream', in which fantasy melds with memory; the talk from earlier evening melded with a scene from my imagination. The three words I mouthed out , were still sounding in my ears 'ofcourse , I will.' , I tried to change the situation and repeated those words in like hundreds of times. There was a rush of unexpected feelings crowded in on me as I fantasized I was directing my talk to him while looking deep into his eyes - completely hypnotized by its charm- rather than say it to his father.
So I'm awake early as a result of having a restless night. I might have slept solely an hour or less. I take my seat at the breakfast table opposite of mom and Melli on Saturday morning, sipping from my usual mug of coffee mixed with two drops of milk - that's how I like it- as I take a small bite from my slice of toast which is covered with a sparkling, thick and delicious layer of a home-made strawberry jam, that Melli cooked it since she loves to keep on her mother's heritage. The sun light filters in through the pale white curtains, that is decorated with three slim streaks in light shade of green down on its trail- reflecting on my mom's back and slightly on the corner of a magazine Melli is reading. Kim is making the breakfast, scramble eggs, cheese and bacon, while the tantalizing aroma fills the kitchen. It is calm and peaceful morning, one of those late March days when the sun shines faintly and the wind blows cold. An equivalent to late October by the northern part of the earth. Yet, it is ironic contrast to the thunderstorm of nerves and trepidations washing around in the pit of my stomach. I sit there, sort of oblivious of my surroundings, all my attention is focused on last evening talk.
After I returned home, I found unexpected guests waiting for me. Half excited, half nervous I made my way to the living room; where mom and Melli were making themselves comfortable in their seats, sitting opposite to I -seconds ago- hoped it was my fiancé who at last felt the urge to pay me a visit, but alas! It was not him. Mr.O , his father who decided to show up instead. Accompanied with an old sophisticated lady in her what it seemed 70s. It cleared up later she's Colin's grandmother, his sweetheart and the closest person to him. And according to her words that I might even snatch this title from her after our marriage. My skin started changing colors like a chameleon the moment I heard her words; from pink , red scarlet to deep shade of purple made them all laughing at how I blushed furiously solely of a mere word.
Kim sits down next to me, pouring a cup of coffee for herself then pulls the plate of bacon sandwiches she has made. She looks at me then pokes my shoulder with her pinky after seeing the distraught expression on my face, concern fills her eyes
'What's wrong? You don't touch my sandwiches I've made for you!'
She asks, calling my mom and Melli attention with her question. It's the weekend and they finally see me sharing the dining table with them, drinking my coffee after I've been in hiatus for a week. I look back at Kim and shake my head mouthing nothing, they still don't seem convinced.
'Is there something bothering you, Genny? '
It's mom turn to stretch the conversation with her question
'This .. Mr.O ' I pause , 'I don't really trust him' I murmur
'Why not?' Mom asks back
'How could he bring all our properties back?' I demand
'I don't see any reason to let you worrying about.' She replies
'You don't see it weird, why he didn't show up at first place in that very day, why now?' I abruptly ask
'Still don't see the point. He said he was traveling for some work abroad, and soon he knew he came offering his helping hand. That's it. Easy and simple. '. Mom seems annoyed with my questions
'I don't buy it. There is no reason to help now anyway.'
'Well.. apart from being an upper hand, a well known businessman and of course he has his ways to get what he wants, so yep, he is your future father-in-law so there is a reason to help out here.'
'Exactly! Because of this marriage story, he made me feel it's nothing but a deal coated in sweet word of a promise. ' I exclaim. The mere thought of me being only a thing or the possibility to treat me like a thing to buy and sell gives me an instant chills down to my spine, fearing of him. But sometimes appearances are deceptive, although he looks tough and intense, he could be possibly opposite to his outer intimidating appearance. My father would never attended to hurt me by bounding me with this family. Even though I can't erase that disturbing feeling about the whole thing.
'Sweetheart look, you know this was all arranged a long time ago.'
Mom speaks out calmly from the counter where she is clearing her dish and cup of coffee to wash it clean.
'This will guarantee your future, you will live in luxury for the rest of your life.'
She faces me with her back pressed with the counter
' I don't care about money and certainly wouldn't marry anyone for that alone.'
'But you gave them your acceptance last evening. What's changed now?'
'What... what if Colin has some chronic illness, he could be gay or abusive..?'
I ask , terror flashes on my eyes. I didn't think of these possibilities earlier
'Genny, this is just your imagination don't think a lot about it to not stress yourself, after all this is how we call it the panic before the marriage. This is common, whether arranged marriage or love marriage we all had passed through this. Remember my words; if he doesn't have feelings for you, he would never agree about it and sends his father and his grandmother to ask your hand all new again. He is old now and nothing can force him to do what doesn't want to.' Melli interrupts
'Why he didn't come then?'
'Tradition! His family is conservative and has their own tradition to follow. Otherwise, you will see him at the ceremony. '
Mom says chuckling. Perhaps she's right. After all, I know nothing about the Irish tradition in such events, let alone their tradition. Ridiculous as it sounds, but that's the only excuse I can give Colin to not appear and sends his father to discuss our marriage instead. I'm trying to convince myself with that.
Kim excuses herself off as she gets a call from her boyfriend. I look at my mom joking with Melli, I know she wants only the best for me, but I don't know why I'm not feeling so good about it. I know, I have dreamt so many nights throughout the years of the day when I'll finally be with Colin. But now I see it too soon for it and I don't know what to do.
So now you know why his father and his 'sweetheart' suddenly came, the both were here to discuss my future with their son, to tell us about their intention to announce our engagement by throwing a nice party at their mansion, and eventually inform us with the wedding arrangements, as the wedding day was originally determined from years ago, and it'd be held in same date my father and Mr.O fixed , which will be in two weeks, while the engagement ceremony will be in next two days. Too surprisingly soon! Well, it's not like just found out there are plans to betroth me to a man, whom is the son of a businessman and a dear friend to my late father. Thanks to my dad letters that I received every year in my birthday. I knew by then, I'll be wed on my 21 of age.
Me being honest, I've adjusted myself to the idea of my marriage with an unknown man to me since I first have seen a picture of two of us in our childhood, where I was only four months old and him holding me so protectively. Truth must be told, I still have a very disturbing feeling in my guts, maybe it's just common stress before the wedding since it's a completely new stage of life, as Melli pointed out. Fearing of the unknown, mostly fearing of the unknown Colin. His grandmother said he's a hell of a businessman, living for his work. With such reputation he has, I just hope he is kind and caring. It's a relief, however, to know he is still interested in marrying me.
Kim is lucky, she doesn't have to marry and bound to a man she doesn't love or know. Juan already get Melli's blessings after one year since Kim and him started dating. And now they're in three years together and it's Kim who is delaying and dropping the marriage topic whenever he tries to open it up.
And now with Monday being so close upon us, I certainly cannot prepare myself in this short space of time, even though Mr.O assured us that we don't have to do anything as he has prepared everything. I was clear though, when I told them I'd marry only after restoring what we have lost as he promised us. Mr.O seemed fine with my request and he even cut a promise to bring back all our belongings and our estate before the engagement ceremony.
Suspicious huh? Well that's what I'm trying to understand. 🤔
Through their talk, Colin's family seemed although modern, yet they're conservative Irish family. Grandma Eloise, told us about her wish to have a very traditional Irish wedding ceremony. Mr.O told us that he will be in charge of the arrangements and will take care of everything, so we don't have and we're not obliged to care of anything as the church, the priest and the reception.
After they left, I learnt from my mom why we were moving in a lot during my childhood and why we left Bangor at first place. Only because Mr.O has been looking for us ever since. And he finally found my mom last year, he tried to contact me but mom was like firewall, disallowed him to approach me. She was against the idea of my arranged marriage, she wanted me to live my life, fall in love with whoever I found suitable to me and not being forced by a promise to control over my fate. Flashing back in time when I turned eight, I remember when I received my yearly birthday letter from my father, which had been written before he passed away, with the letter there was a picture of me held by a young, dark haired boy with cute dimple on his right cheek and a beautiful smile. My father told me who was he and which kind of a relationship I will have with him. When I showed the picture to mom, she confessed then he was the one I'm betrothed to.
I push the chair back and stand up walking to the counter, clearing the dish and wash it clean with the mug after sipping the last drop left from my coffee, before heading to the upstairs
'Where are you going?'
Mom asks
'Just here, I want to have a shower.'
I reply, trying to kill the conversation.
While I'm searching for my lingerie after I walked out the bathroom , my eyes catch the letter I received last day from my father through Mr.O under his will, when he told him to give it to me only when time will come. I stare at it for quite a while before reaching out to grab it. Unfolding it, I start re-reading it once again.
It was another restless night. I've laid in bed for what seemed like forever, unable to drive off to sleep. I tried to relax and nothing seemed to help. I had a lot in my mind that disallowed my brain to have a rest. The moon light slanted across my face, bathing the floor in silver with its shimmering light. I watched through the window as the leaves of the lemon tree outside, that was planted severl years ago before Melli owned the house- been blown by the sea breeze. After what it seemed forever, my mind started to finally wander into those random 'day-dream', in which fantasy melds with memory; the talk from earlier evening melded with a scene from my imagination. The three words I mouthed out , were still sounding in my ears 'ofcourse , I will.' , I tried to change the situation and repeated those words in like hundreds of times. There was a rush of unexpected feelings crowded in on me as I fantasized I was directing my talk to him while looking deep into his eyes - completely hypnotized by its charm- rather than say it to his father.
So I'm awake early as a result of having a restless night. I might have slept solely an hour or less. I take my seat at the breakfast table opposite of mom and Melli on Saturday morning, sipping from my usual mug of coffee mixed with two drops of milk - that's how I like it- as I take a small bite from my slice of toast which is covered with a sparkling, thick and delicious layer of a home-made strawberry jam, that Melli cooked it since she loves to keep on her mother's heritage. The sun light filters in through the pale white curtains, that is decorated with three slim streaks in light shade of green down on its trail- reflecting on my mom's back and slightly on the corner of a magazine Melli is reading. Kim is making the breakfast, scramble eggs, cheese and bacon, while the tantalizing aroma fills the kitchen. It is calm and peaceful morning, one of those late March days when the sun shines faintly and the wind blows cold. An equivalent to late October by the northern part of the earth. Yet, it is ironic contrast to the thunderstorm of nerves and trepidations washing around in the pit of my stomach. I sit there, sort of oblivious of my surroundings, all my attention is focused on last evening talk.
After I returned home, I found unexpected guests waiting for me. Half excited, half nervous I made my way to the living room; where mom and Melli were making themselves comfortable in their seats, sitting opposite to I -seconds ago- hoped it was my fiancé who at last felt the urge to pay me a visit, but alas! It was not him. Mr.O , his father who decided to show up instead. Accompanied with an old sophisticated lady in her what it seemed 70s. It cleared up later she's Colin's grandmother, his sweetheart and the closest person to him. And according to her words that I might even snatch this title from her after our marriage. My skin started changing colors like a chameleon the moment I heard her words; from pink , red scarlet to deep shade of purple made them all laughing at how I blushed furiously solely of a mere word.
Kim sits down next to me, pouring a cup of coffee for herself then pulls the plate of bacon sandwiches she has made. She looks at me then pokes my shoulder with her pinky after seeing the distraught expression on my face, concern fills her eyes
'What's wrong? You don't touch my sandwiches I've made for you!'
She asks, calling my mom and Melli attention with her question. It's the weekend and they finally see me sharing the dining table with them, drinking my coffee after I've been in hiatus for a week. I look back at Kim and shake my head mouthing nothing, they still don't seem convinced.
'Is there something bothering you, Genny? '
It's mom turn to stretch the conversation with her question
'This .. Mr.O ' I pause , 'I don't really trust him' I murmur
'Why not?' Mom asks back
'How could he bring all our properties back?' I demand
'I don't see any reason to let you worrying about.' She replies
'You don't see it weird, why he didn't show up at first place in that very day, why now?' I abruptly ask
'Still don't see the point. He said he was traveling for some work abroad, and soon he knew he came offering his helping hand. That's it. Easy and simple. '. Mom seems annoyed with my questions
'I don't buy it. There is no reason to help now anyway.'
'Well.. apart from being an upper hand, a well known businessman and of course he has his ways to get what he wants, so yep, he is your future father-in-law so there is a reason to help out here.'
'Exactly! Because of this marriage story, he made me feel it's nothing but a deal coated in sweet word of a promise. ' I exclaim. The mere thought of me being only a thing or the possibility to treat me like a thing to buy and sell gives me an instant chills down to my spine, fearing of him. But sometimes appearances are deceptive, although he looks tough and intense, he could be possibly opposite to his outer intimidating appearance. My father would never attended to hurt me by bounding me with this family. Even though I can't erase that disturbing feeling about the whole thing.
'Sweetheart look, you know this was all arranged a long time ago.'
Mom speaks out calmly from the counter where she is clearing her dish and cup of coffee to wash it clean.
'This will guarantee your future, you will live in luxury for the rest of your life.'
She faces me with her back pressed with the counter
' I don't care about money and certainly wouldn't marry anyone for that alone.'
'But you gave them your acceptance last evening. What's changed now?'
'What... what if Colin has some chronic illness, he could be gay or abusive..?'
I ask , terror flashes on my eyes. I didn't think of these possibilities earlier
'Genny, this is just your imagination don't think a lot about it to not stress yourself, after all this is how we call it the panic before the marriage. This is common, whether arranged marriage or love marriage we all had passed through this. Remember my words; if he doesn't have feelings for you, he would never agree about it and sends his father and his grandmother to ask your hand all new again. He is old now and nothing can force him to do what doesn't want to.' Melli interrupts
'Why he didn't come then?'
'Tradition! His family is conservative and has their own tradition to follow. Otherwise, you will see him at the ceremony. '
Mom says chuckling. Perhaps she's right. After all, I know nothing about the Irish tradition in such events, let alone their tradition. Ridiculous as it sounds, but that's the only excuse I can give Colin to not appear and sends his father to discuss our marriage instead. I'm trying to convince myself with that.
Kim excuses herself off as she gets a call from her boyfriend. I look at my mom joking with Melli, I know she wants only the best for me, but I don't know why I'm not feeling so good about it. I know, I have dreamt so many nights throughout the years of the day when I'll finally be with Colin. But now I see it too soon for it and I don't know what to do.
So now you know why his father and his 'sweetheart' suddenly came, the both were here to discuss my future with their son, to tell us about their intention to announce our engagement by throwing a nice party at their mansion, and eventually inform us with the wedding arrangements, as the wedding day was originally determined from years ago, and it'd be held in same date my father and Mr.O fixed , which will be in two weeks, while the engagement ceremony will be in next two days. Too surprisingly soon! Well, it's not like just found out there are plans to betroth me to a man, whom is the son of a businessman and a dear friend to my late father. Thanks to my dad letters that I received every year in my birthday. I knew by then, I'll be wed on my 21 of age.
Me being honest, I've adjusted myself to the idea of my marriage with an unknown man to me since I first have seen a picture of two of us in our childhood, where I was only four months old and him holding me so protectively. Truth must be told, I still have a very disturbing feeling in my guts, maybe it's just common stress before the wedding since it's a completely new stage of life, as Melli pointed out. Fearing of the unknown, mostly fearing of the unknown Colin. His grandmother said he's a hell of a businessman, living for his work. With such reputation he has, I just hope he is kind and caring. It's a relief, however, to know he is still interested in marrying me.
Kim is lucky, she doesn't have to marry and bound to a man she doesn't love or know. Juan already get Melli's blessings after one year since Kim and him started dating. And now they're in three years together and it's Kim who is delaying and dropping the marriage topic whenever he tries to open it up.
And now with Monday being so close upon us, I certainly cannot prepare myself in this short space of time, even though Mr.O assured us that we don't have to do anything as he has prepared everything. I was clear though, when I told them I'd marry only after restoring what we have lost as he promised us. Mr.O seemed fine with my request and he even cut a promise to bring back all our belongings and our estate before the engagement ceremony.
Suspicious huh? Well that's what I'm trying to understand. 🤔
Through their talk, Colin's family seemed although modern, yet they're conservative Irish family. Grandma Eloise, told us about her wish to have a very traditional Irish wedding ceremony. Mr.O told us that he will be in charge of the arrangements and will take care of everything, so we don't have and we're not obliged to care of anything as the church, the priest and the reception.
After they left, I learnt from my mom why we were moving in a lot during my childhood and why we left Bangor at first place. Only because Mr.O has been looking for us ever since. And he finally found my mom last year, he tried to contact me but mom was like firewall, disallowed him to approach me. She was against the idea of my arranged marriage, she wanted me to live my life, fall in love with whoever I found suitable to me and not being forced by a promise to control over my fate. Flashing back in time when I turned eight, I remember when I received my yearly birthday letter from my father, which had been written before he passed away, with the letter there was a picture of me held by a young, dark haired boy with cute dimple on his right cheek and a beautiful smile. My father told me who was he and which kind of a relationship I will have with him. When I showed the picture to mom, she confessed then he was the one I'm betrothed to.
I push the chair back and stand up walking to the counter, clearing the dish and wash it clean with the mug after sipping the last drop left from my coffee, before heading to the upstairs
'Where are you going?'
Mom asks
'Just here, I want to have a shower.'
I reply, trying to kill the conversation.
While I'm searching for my lingerie after I walked out the bathroom , my eyes catch the letter I received last day from my father through Mr.O under his will, when he told him to give it to me only when time will come. I stare at it for quite a while before reaching out to grab it. Unfolding it, I start re-reading it once again.
Коментарі