ry, why aren't you wearing a dress?"

"Do-do Ale- Y-you have to go?" Harry said, weeping, in Alex's arms. Alex rubbed the little boy's back.

"I do darling but I'll try to keep in touch with you as much as I can. But you still have to tell me why aren't you wearing any dress? And since when do you like long sleeved shirts." Alex enquired while ensuring the boy.

Harry just whimpered in Alex's arms and prayed to God that she doesn't have to go again. Alex held the boy tight and mumbled assuring words in his ears.

Louis sat on the couch looking at the little whimpering boy and couldn't help but feel bad for him.

"Its going to be fine darling. You have us and Alex will be back soon." Eleanor assured Harry from beside Louis.

"As much as I hate that bloodsucking noodle, she's right. They will be here for you and I'll make sure I keep in touch with you." Alex whispered in Harry's ear.

Everyone kept assuring Harry but no one seemed to understand that he needed Alex more right now than any time else and he didn't expect anyone to. He needed support but he couldn't trouble Louis anymore. He had no one else left besides Alex but she was going too.

That was it. Harry had decided to be better. He shouldn't cry anymore. He had to be strong.

He untangled himself from Alex's arms and wiped his tears with the back of his palms. He stood in from of Alex.

"Har- No- I will miss A-Alex. Take c-care." That was all Harry said before quietly walking back to his room and shutting the door.

He couldn't take it. The fact that Alex was gone too. First Louis and the band had to suffer because of him and now Alex had to leave because he was always troubling Alex. That's the reason why Alex had to go away. He was the reason why everyone had to suffer in one way or the other.

This burning in his chest hurt. His brain and chest felt weird as if he should do something. Hurt something. But according to Harry, hurting someone was wrong. He couldn't hurt someone because he feel bad.

"But its okay to hurt yourself"

"No! No! No!" Harry whisper-yelled. It was back. He don't want it. He didn't want some voice inside his head. The voice was mean. He always said something bad.

"But I am right this time"

No he's not. Harry couldn't hurt anyone. Harry was sad and he should deal with this. He's strong. He's very strong.

"Are you?"

Was he?

"No you're not"

N-no He was strong and he won't hurt anyone. Harry decided that no one will suffer because of him anymore.

"I never said you have to hurt someone else."

Harry sat still on his bed, considering the option. The last time he accidentally scratched his nails against his wrist, he felt alright. This time shouldn't hurt that bad.

"That's right it won't and obviously you need to be punished for what you've done."

Harry contemplated whether or not to hurt himself, but he did deserve it for hurting every single person around him.

Harry stood up from his bed and walked towards his bathroom. Shutting the door behind him and staring at the reflection in front of him. He was scared but he deserved it.

He opened the cabinet and grabbed a fresh blade from the razor set. His hands trembled, the blade on the verge of slipping out of his fingers. He shakily placed the blade on top of his wrist, tears streaming down his face.

"Just a little bit. Just a little scratch. No one will notice because no one loves you anyway."

Harry shut his eyes tightly and whimperingly with shaky hands ran the blade across his wrist. The ache in his chest which burned his body subsided. As the the little drop of blood trickled down his wrist, he felt himself getting what he deserved.

Harry wanted to scream on top of his voice and yell and cry but he didn't. He didn't want to bother anyone else anymore. He had caused enough trouble. He held in his sobs.

"See that was easy. A few more won't hurt."

Harry thought they won't. As much as it hurt, the blood trickling down felt as if he has been punished for his wrong doings.

He whimpered and slid the blade across his wrist four more times before the blade slipped from his grip and he fell down on the bloody bathroom floor. All he could do was cry. There wasn't left much for him to do.

He didn't know what to do with himself but he did know one thing, the old Harry would never come back. Never.

×××××××

"Tommo! Where have you been?! It's been so long." Niall exclaimed as he jumped on Louis to attack him with a hug. Liam and Zayn chuckled behind him as they made their way into the house. Eleanor greeted them with a polite smile.

"I heard you guys went shopping. You better have brought me what I told you to." Liam directed his playful glare towards Louis.

"What? You wanted a smiley face stuffy? Or a bottle of lube? How am I supposed to know what you wanted?" Louis said, trying his best to be the playful guy he is.

"Louis!" Liam yelled in surprise.

"Hahaha Louis!" Niall exclaimed laughingly.

"Well you never know. It might come in handy." Zayn added winking towards Liam.

"Zayn what the cinnamon roll?!" Liam turned towards.

"I meant the stuffy but the lube can help too." Zayn said while winking towards Liam. Liam flushed red and excused himself to go to the bathroom, ensuring everyone that he was not in a stiff situation. He just wanted to freshen up.

After Liam came back they decided in ordering food which after quite a long debate in choosing between either Chinese or Italian, they ended up going with pizza.

Zayn got the plates and they were munching on their pizzas, arguing who was better, Captain Marvel or Captain America.

Amongst their heated argument, they failed to notice a tiny boy hiding behind the wall, going thought the pros and cons of joining their fun time. He didn't want to ruin their fun time. They looked like they were all having fun and he wasn't supposed to be around them. Harry contemplated if it was worth going in and risking ruining their good time just because he was a tiny bit hungry. He didn't have breakfast. Nor did he have dinner last night. Well, he just wasn't hungry but his headache screamed otherwise so he had to eat something but he was just to shy to ask.

"Harry?"

Harry was brought out of his trance when he heard Niall's voice call his name. He didn't realise he'd been standing like a creep all this time. He felt blood rush upto his cheeks. He looked up to see everyone's eyes on him. He wanted to run away, back to his safe haven, I'm his room, under his blankets.

"How long have you been there? Come join us." Niall proposed but Harry shook his head, curls bouncing with it.

"M-me is fine." Harry's replied with a whisper. Niall chuckled shortly.

"It's fine Harry. You love hanging out with us. Come on" Niall exclaimed, gesturing him to come sit with them. Harry wanted to refuse but he couldn't bring himself to. I mean who was he to refuse them.

Harry with a heavy heart decided to join the couch on which Liam and Zayn were resided. He gently sat down, not knowing what to do. The thick air in the room was suffocating and Harry wanted nothing more than just running out of it.

"But in the end, no matter what leadership qualities or powers she has, them being both powerfully equal, Captain America will still be the only Captain in our hearts." Niall concluded trying to break the awkwardness as he always does. That led to Eleanor denying him again, pressing that Captain was still the best. They kept going on and on.

All Harry wanted to do was ask for permission to take some food and go back to his room but all he got was watching as Louis slowly leaned on Eleanor's shoulder, keeping his head on it.

It seemed as if everyone was fine with it but Harry felt this weird feeling at the pit of his stomach, as if he didn't like what he saw. As if he didn't want Louis to place his head in Eleanor's shoulder. Harry didn't understand why. What he did understood was that his face was flushed again and he wanted to leave.

"May I go b-back to m-me room? I am t-tired." Harry asked softly but enough for everyone to hear.

"Of course Harry. If you don't fall asleep, you can come right back. Good night." Liam said with a genuine smile on his face. Harry returned it but his not quite reaching his eyes as Liam's did.

"Hey Harry. You haven't eaten anything have you?" Louis softly asked, his demeanor changing completely while talking to Harry. Harry felt awkward because he didn't want to be a bother but he shook his head anyone.

"You could've just said. Come here." Louis said, removing himself from beside Eleanor.

"M-I didn't want to be a b-bother."

"You never are love." Louis said gently with a soft smile on his face while handing Harry a plate with two slices of pizzas.

Harry felt something flutter inside his chest and the feeling spreading thought his body. It felt as if all the blood from his body had gathered up in his face. He tried to hide his face with his curls.

He mumbled a small thank you but his moment of happiness lasted only seconds as Louis replied him with a small smile and went back to where he was seated with Eleanor but this time partly resting against the hand rest of the couch as Eleanor was almost cuddling him.

Harry felt that feeling again. He wanted to run again. So he did just that. He ran back to his room and shut the door as quietly as he could.

"It's because she's pretty."

No. No. They were back again.

"She's so perfect. She's so slim."

Eleanor was perfect though in Harry's eyes and so in everyone else's it seemed.

"You know why she's so thin? Because she doesn't eat everything she sees."

She doesn't. That's true. Eleanor was very healthy but then Harry saw the plate besides him with the pizza slices on it. Harry felt ashamed of himself. Why couldn't he be perfect too? He wanted a small body too. He wanted to be thin and have lean arms and thigh gaps too.

Harry knew he has a small body but he can feel he's not gonna remain the same for long. He hated it. He hates himself. He wanted to be perfect. Like Eleanor.

×××××××

"Harry are you sure you'll be alright coming with us on tour?" Louis inquired again for the umpteenth time that night.

"Lou- Louis if you d-don't want Ha- Me to come, just s-say it. Me won't." Harry replied, trying to act sassy but all it come out was as a mere whisper.

Harry saw Louis frowning a bit but his mind told him Louis didn't want Harry to come.

"Of course I want you to come Harry. I just want to make sure you're comfortable with it because it will be constant travelling and 24/7 on the bus and big concerts and loud fans and securities and paparazzi and ye-"

"I won't c-come. I'm fine."

Harry felt as if Louis was convincing him to not go but it might be actually Louis just being nice and making Harry aware. Its just that Harry's mind has been a mess for the past few days and he couldn't decipher what's right and what's wrong.

"No no no. You should come. Well if you want to, that is. But do come Harry. You'll love it." Louis responded.

Harry was confused. Did Louis want him there or not? Harry's mind has been such a mess he cannot really make a proper decision but I'm the end he doesn't want ti be alone.

"Okay I'll come."

"Well that's good I guess. Pack your bags then, we have to leave in an hour." Louis said while giving him a smile and leaving. Harry nodded at him.

"Oh also there will be crews and other people travelling with us so, I'm just saying you can dress and be whoever you want, I'm just going to add that you might want to pack some fancy clothing because there will always be people around you." Louis said peeking through the door. Harry nodded back at him.

After about 45 minutes, Harry was ready. He had a small travelling bag and a backpack with him whereas there were tons and tons of other bags of Louis and Eleanor.

"Do you think you've got everything? I mean one bag's not enough right?" Eleanor asked from besides Harry I'm the car.

"Its fine. Have everything." Harry mumbled and sat there looking out of the window. He didn't felt like talking. Not only to Eleanor but in general right now.

As they reached the airport, Harry grew more and more nervous. He was really doing this.

He grabbed his bag and slowly trailed behind Eleanor and Louis walking near the band's private jet in then open. As they reached everyone, Harry looked up to see various people around them along with the boys.

"Harry!" Niall exclaimed and embraced Harry. Harry was taken by surprise but he lightly patted Niall's back.

There were many more people around. A few ladies with different unnatural hair colours and a few buffy men. Some people lean. Some were dressed casually and somewhere dressed in formal attire.

Out of the corner if his eye, Harry saw a guy approaching in his direction. The burns in his chest returned. He wanted to hide. His head was sweating and his hands were shaking but he didn't know why. He just felt very anxious around people recently. Suddenly he felt a hand in his shoulder. His breathing stopped and he didn't know what to do.

"Hey I'm Ed."