eliahlee.
it was spring break. things were changing faster then I had antispitapted. Luca you had some new colors come to light. You were like my best friend that I didn't tell anyone I had. you were like the secret I would never tell anyone. but everything went to pieces sometime in between. you told me you loved me again. I didn't know what it ment. so I didn't say anything back loving never came easy to me. I didn't really want to be in love with you either. you are really good at getting a girl to fall for you and then leave them for someone else.  so knowing that I didn't want to admit that I had fallin in love with you. you broke me the night we were in the hot tub when you compared me to the one person I couldn't stand. you called me chunky. you looked at me in discust. your smile disappeared when you looked at me. I miss it so much. your blue eyes are like the ocean. several shades in color went to gray. I asked you that night what I did to deserve that. you told me I called you a player. but you forgot how you played me. you asked how I was played by you. so I told the night that you called me. and we were on the phone for a couple of hours. you told me how you had fallin in love with another girl, but you were talking to another one. I listened. I talked it out with you. then at the end of the night you thanked me for listening and that I was a great girl. so after that I asked him what he looks for in girls. this was the wrong question to ask. at first he told me a story to change the subject so I went with it. I wasn't going to make him talk about it if he didn't want to. he told me a story about a girl named daliah. before he was talking to her he was talking to  me. and she was so pretty. and he just didn't get it. I asked him what he didn't get. he said that how can it be that whenever I'm talking to a girl with a good personality I start really liking and getting to know a hot girl begins to hit me up. to clarify what he had just told me I asked him was I that girl that wasn't pretty enough. silence filled the the two way conversation. later that night one of the mutual friends we share came to my house. it was like a 11 at night at this point I had just gotten off the phone luca. she asked me if I wanted to hang out. but she brought some people along. Stepin was there and couple other boys but I didn't really know them very well. as I go outside not knowing that they were outside I go to talk to her in a tank top and spandex. while the boys are watching and I'm talking to julianna. in the glimpse of my eye I see stephin on the phone. I asked him who is he one the phone with he told me luca. why? we all want to swim in your hot tub. eliahlee come on we are already here. so I talk to my parent and then luca shos up. he gives a light greeting nudge and then a hug. we didn't end up swimming. we later went to Stephins house. stephin,julianna, luca, and I were all sitting on the bed trying to figure out what we are going to do. luca is at the end of the bed and I'm next to him then stephin and julianna. luca was playing with my hair while stephin was talking. we ended up just chatting for a whole until I went to juliannas house. the next day luca and stephin came to juliannas house we watched a movie. once again luca sitting next to me. but this time he bits my ear. which is what I think his kink is but I don't judge.
Luca remeber that night you asked me to come in to the room to talk until to you until you fell alseep. I don't know if you remeber but this was the same night that you told me that all we will ever be is bust friends. do you remeber how I tucked you in. fetched you your water, and played your favorite song. that night you told me a story about a girl you were going to ask to prom next year and how you didn't know how you were going to do it because you and this mystery girl had a history and your friendship was good but distant because of the past. why did you tell me this? who was the girl? Luca you see you keep asking these things of me and you have me ride with you so you can live in the moment, but moment before you fell asleep I saw your sadness and so I waited for you to fall alseep pulled up your blanket turned the lights off wished you goodnight and left. I still remeber when I saw your eyes go from sea blue to stilled gray. the girl must have been very special to you. I hope one day I can meet her and tell her that the journey had been long but is still going and Luca wants it to be worth its while for you.