Did you ever wake up to such an awkward position that you opened your eyes? When you regained consciousness, you realized that something was wrong: You felt the aching stomach and head and your whole body felt like being on a boat. You opened your eyes and the situation didn’t improve: The asphalt below you was moving as if you were walking backwards but without touching the ground and as if a heavy load had been clutching your legs. What the hell is going on here? Then, finally, the sense of balance and the perception of your body revealed the riddle. “Let me down, whoever you are!”, you warned.

With an inexplicable twist, you found yourself sitting on the ground, free. You turned to those who were transporting you, and you recognized the person you didn’t want to see anymore. Daryl crouched beside you, his forearms resting on his bent knees, in a posture that reflected his personality. He didn’t say anything. You stood up slowly and he hurried to you, raising your arms.

“’S that yer way of thankin’ me?”

“And for what? To make me puke out my food again?” You continued your journey, leaving Daryl behind you.

“To’ve saved ya’.”

At this point you imitate his arrogant way: You turned to him and approached his face with an angry and cold look. “I was fine without you.”

“Explain to the Walker who wanted to eat ya’ while ya’ fainted.”

You rubbed your eyes. “Listen, I want you to leave me alone.”, you said in a calm voice.

“Why did ya’ go?”

“What did you say before? A stupid and sentimental bitch who needs affection?”

“Y/N…”

“No, Dixon, if you want me to endure you, at least do me the favor of being quiet.”

“Where did ya’ go?”

“Are you deaf? Shut the hell up!”

Daryl grabbed your wrist and forced you to stop. He looked you straight in the eye and reserved a look that was without challenge, but full of curiosity. He stayed like that for a few seconds to study through his blue eyes, then shook his head. “Can’t leave ya’ alone.”

You broke out of his grip and spread your arms. “I agree with you, you won, but leave me alone for now.”

❝September:

As I write these lines, I cry. I cry silently, careful that Daryl doesn’t see me. I don’t want to destroy the low regard he has for me anyway. At least not today. I thought we were a team, but I was wrong. I am not up to such a man and I don’t even want to force myself to do so. I stay with him because it’s the last part left of you all. I’m writing another message, though I don’t believe in seeing you all again. So as not to lose my humanity, not to forget who I really am. If you have read the last message, and I strongly doubt that you will, you will know that we will give up soon… We arrived near a city, but we didn’t stay long. We drive on to ours and when we arrive there, we will move further north. I can’t tell you I’m fine because I’m not. I don’t want to lie to you.

I love you all.

Y/N❞

You’ve basically stopped talking to Daryl since he found you. You just communicated while eating and said things like: “You eat that?”, or, “Do you want more water?”. Usually it’s always Daryl who asks questions and often adds sentences like, “I’m going to piss.” You confined yourself to shaking your head in different ways or to agreeing with a laconic “Okay”. And now that you’ve given up the search, it’s even worse. There is nothing left that drives you to fight.

“Ya’ need to eat somethin’.”, Daryl said.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I won’ carry ya’ in my arms if ya’ faint.”

“I didn’t ask you, you’re not my doctor, you can leave me in the middle of the street.”

“Rick would never forgiv’ me.”

“Rick is dead, Daryl.”

“Ya’ don’ know that.”

You rolled your eyes and turned to face him. “As far as we know, we’re the only ones left, remember, you told me.”

“Sorry I said that.”

“There is no reason to regret this.”

“Y/N, listen to me.”

“No, Daryl, now you’re listening to me!”, you blurted out. You couldn’t hear him talking anymore. “I’m tired of being treated like a weak person! I’m sick of not being able to act the way I want, because I’m constantly looking at you to be ready to judge me if I cry, laugh, or talk! I don’t understand what the hell is driving you to be with me, if you really hate me so much, I don’t understand why you didn’t leave me to the Walker!”

“Bullshit.”, he hissed.

“It’s not bullshit, it’s all true, it’s also true that we lost our group and we will not find them anymore!”, you said.

“Don’ know if they’re really dead.”

You turned to face him again…

“We’ll never see them again, dammit!”, you raised your voice and hauled in a few Walkers that trotted through the dense bush a few tens of yards away. “It doesn’t even make sense to continue this journey together!”

“If ya’ think I’m goin’ to let ya’ go ‘lone, forget it…”, he replied pulling an arrow from one of the Walkers he had killed in the meantime. You shook your head and ignored what he just said, but you did not realize he hadn’t finished the sentence yet. “…Yer all that’s left for me.”

❝21 September:

Our journey continues. No trace of cars so far, so we keep on walking. Daryl suggested going down a smaller distance than I planned, so as not to get tired. Of course, we are in no hurry to get there, as we don’t know what to expect. The important thing is to survive. According to the map, we are halfway there. With Daryl it has gotten better. We don’t talk much, but at least we stopped arguing. And at least I accept the meanwhile fact that we’ll never meet again. I need time, but I will do it. And maybe I will stop writing, but that will happen later. I love you all.

Y/N❞

The small fire that you lit one evening in a makeshift camp lit your dirty faces. You fenced the warehouse with a string and tin cans. For now, the night seemed calm and peaceful, so you ate your dinner in religious silence. Since you were reconciled, you couldn’t tell Daryl what you think of him, and now, facing the stars, your thoughts didn’t give you rest. You decided to break the silence and speak in one breath to prevent Daryl from interrupting you: “I know that you play the role of the heartless asshole, if your very nature would ruin your reputation, you couldn’t pretend. You wouldn’t have a heart: You are as sensitive as me, Daryl Dixon, or maybe even more and you can tell me to shut up as often as you want, but that will not change things: You can deny it if you believe that it is weak to prove that you hold on to something, you can ignore it or even suppress it and try not to give in to your feelings, you can do any of these things, but things change. The feelings you feel make you the person you are, and you’re a special person to our group and even for me, don’t forget that.”

You felt that your speech had no appreciable conclusion, so you kept quiet and let the embarrassment cover you like a leaf. You rolled over to avoid seeing Daryl lying on the other side of the fire. It is possible that your words would inevitably ruin the fragile alliance that you built, even if you thought it was right in the end to have said it. He didn’t answer and part of you hoped he was already dozing, but at some point his deep voice burned your hopes. “Now sleep, gotta start tomorrow mornin’.”

He ignored your words and maybe it is better that way.

You crossed a forest on a sunny afternoon and decided to divert the route because according to the map the path would have been extended by at least half a day. As you walked, inspired by the trees and the sounds of the forest, you asked him, “Who taught you how to hunt?”

“Learned alone.”

“Did ya’ ever hunt? Do ya’ know how it works?”, he added.

You shrugged your shoulders. “No, I never needed it, and now I regret it.”

“I’ll teach ya’ if we find a weapon to practice.”

“Thanks… In the meantime, you could teach me how to use the crossbow.”, you suggested, pointing to the weapon.

“I could, maybe when we’re in a safe place.”

Within a hundred meters you saw a house between the trees. It is very similar to the one you escaped from the herd of Walkers some time ago.

“Might be useful to take a look inside.”, said Daryl. With your weapons in hand, you quietly approached the house. The exterior was quiet and Daryl looked out into the yard, approaching with a slow step, and opened the door with a decisive blow. From inside the house, a large number of Walkers began to emerge one after another, spreading out in front of you. It didn’t matter how many you killed: Those who left the house seemed to be infinitely many. In a few moments, the Walkers spread like wildfire and wherever you looked, you saw some of them trying to grab you with their bony hands and their lazy teeth. With the machete, you could kill several at one go and keep a certain reach, but it wasn’t enough, because in less than a minute the area around the house was surrounded with the living dead.

“Daryl!”, you called. The flock had separated you and now you couldn’t see him anymore, even when you heard him fighting a few yards away.

“Run away, Y/N, there are too many, we must part!”

“But where…?”

“Damn it, I’ll find ya’!”

“No-…”

“Damn! Run!”

You caught sight of him between the Walkers while the machete was searching for your escape. You couldn’t reach him, there were too many, so you ran in the opposite direction, trying to escape from this hell. You ran, but the trees slowed you down so you had to stop every now and then to kill a Walker that was too close. How the hell is it possible that this house was so full of Walkers? You did not know it. You only knew it was a deadly trap. You ran and ran, the Walkers gave you no rest. They were everywhere, too many to handle them alone. You put down your machete to keep your hands free and kept running. You searched for Daryl among the trees, hoping to see him by your side, but you didn’t see anybody around who was still alive. For a moment, you were distracted, just to avoid seeing the root that stumbled on you. You landed with full force on the ground between the dry leaves, but got up immediately, driven by the adrenalin in your veins. You ran further when suddenly the ground under your feet was missing. This time, you began to roll down the slope at high speed. It was a free fall that ended after a few moments in water. The water temperature was so low that you didn’t faint and were in shock. You started swimming as soon as you reached the shore, you looked around to find out where you had landed: After a flight of about ten meters, you were in an old abandoned quarry. The area didn’t seem to be affected, but you decided to get away from this dead end anyway. Your backpack was now an obstacle; full of water and he would slow down your movements. You took out everything you could keep: provisions, the notebook, a torch that you hoped you wouldn’t need as soon as the flint was dry. Shit… The map… The loss of the map is just the tip of the mountain of shit that had just covered you. You took a slow breath in and out to regain your calmness and pulled yourself shakily and wet out of the quarry, unaware of what to do next…