I - the point of no return

2019-11-06 18:16:43

the point of no return

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i've always known that at some point, i might end up here. and here i am, sitting in a darkened room; sleep deprived and wanting to tell a story. it was just a mere imagination to get away from that city. from that place. from those people. those days that i was so engrossed to the idea of leaving and wanting to give up, i realized that there might be another way. and yes, acads was the best reason to cure this wounds and ugly scars. i might be lame and shallow for pretending i was excited and happy to leave for college--follow my dreams and be the person they want me to be. but i wanted to leave because i can't stand the same old loop i've been living for years. i want to get away not to achieve a goal but to drown myself even more into the awful reality of how devastated and destructive i am. but as i type these words, i feel weird. it's a mixture of guilt, regret and longing. i shouldnt be feeling this way, right? i wanted this! i wanted this! we can't turn back time. this isn't a movie up for a playback. this is a point of no return. a dead end. i dont know. maybe all these years, i was looking to the wrong side of the coin. i've always been choosing the tails and carving that thought in my mind; reminding myself that that's how i should perceive things. when the truth is, we are human. we are unpredictable. like tossing the coin, there's no assurance that tails will always be the side facing me. i miss home. i miss the unwashed dishes and dirty floor. i miss the morning stars in the roof whenever i lay in my cat fur-covered bed. i miss ming and his purring. i miss his claws and loud meows at dinner. i miss the cold showers and singing; the sound of water flowing in the floor. i miss everything. how i wish there's a point of return. [september 19, '19]

Коментарі

JENOVA JACKSON CHASE

Your writing is so strong...

Відповісти

2019-11-06 18:19:24

🧡🧡🧡

Відповісти

2019-11-06 18:22:36

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