I see between other people,
what I had with you
and the realization
that I don't have it anymore
is like a chasm opening
somewhere in my chest
and the days and minutes and seconds
of longing for you
and missing you
and wanting you
come pouring out
like that one day of rain
in the Sahara
I never know when it's about to happen

I don't know
what to do with it.
So I write it out
into shitty poetry,
make clumsy paper boats out of it,
and watch them float away
along with the rain
that also reminds me of you
it all goes down the drain eventually

The other day
I caught a glimpse
of two people
looking at each other
like there was nothing else
in the world
worth looking at
and my throat constricted
as I gulped down the bitterness
that threatened to bubble up
from knowing that I had it too
and you took it away from me
I haven't quite forgiven you

And each time I'm sure
I've gotten over you,
my body rebels
because it still remembers
how it had felt
to heal against yours
Reverence

My head's a little heavy tonight
and my thoughts a bit foggy,
because in here, we're happy,
but out there,
we don't even exist.
Is this what it is to hallucinate?

I turn and turn
and flip through the pages
of my journal
that I wrote after you,
and to sum it up,
I named it Apocalypse
as a reminder to myself
of what you represent,
I never finished writing it

Three years
Three months
Six days
how much longer do I count for
before I don't count anymore?
two hundred and six bones in my body and you just had to break my heart

There are days
when I want to undo you,
then there are days
when I want to redo us
to see if we'd still end up this way.
Me, someone I'm not sure I recognize anymore.
And you, someone I'm sure I never knew

It's always in the dark
when I slump to the floor
and my head falls to the ground
that memories of you
begin to tumble off
from where I keep them
neatly stacked in my ribcage
onto the prayer mat,
along with my tears.
I don't ask for you anymore. I don't ask for anything

Each morning I'm a little too bright
but each night, it's a little too dark
and I haven't found middle ground
so I'm always caught in the crossfire
of hating the sun and the moon for not being a little less of this and a little more of that.
the stars I can relate to

I like to tell myself I'm done
but you're like that nursery rhyme nobody remembers the words to
but nobody forgets either
and it's always back on the tip of the tongue
when you catch it's tune somewhere

It's raining tonight
Ironic?
My eyes are a little droopy
and my heart, a little broken.
Because its been so long since you've left,
but don't you see?
you're still here,
You're still here and you're still hurting me.