They say that when we are close to death, all of life passes in a split second before our eyes, but at that moment you weren't in danger or wanted to leave this world, but the past was still projecting on it... This premature kiss from Rick and this sudden action of yours had completely disorientated you. This contact had created moments, pleasant memories, and less pleasant memories. All the people you're connected to, with whom you had a relationship. In addition to the high school kids, a teammate, were the latest pictures of your dead friend. Quite different was this figure in the moment of need and helped you not to lose heart. He gave you a reason, a purpose, to continue this endless struggle of survival. That's why you couldn't understand what happened. What does that mean? You didn't understand yourself, you had done nothing to avoid contact to escape this kiss. As if you had unconsciously wished it in a sense. But you had never looked at Rick differently from a good new friend or leader of the group, you had never focused on his physical appearance and you weren't attracted to him. You hadn't been indifferent the whole time, even now that you had his face next to you to lose yourself in his eyes. He looked at you as if trying to understand your thoughts and understand your state of mind. As soon as you heard that he wanted to say something, you immediately put Judith in his arms, as if you wanted to get away from them. At that moment, you heard a noise behind you. You turned around and saw the door open.

"We don't 've many supplies anymore...", Daryl informed: "I'm goin' huntin', hopin' to find somethin', otherwise we've to go back to the village, which I would like to avoid..."

You got up, happy that someone had bothered you and wiped your hands on your pants.

"I'll go with you.", you said.

The sheriff looked down and as Daryl approached, he reached out and locked the entrance with his arm.

"Ya' ain't goin' anywhere...", he said abruptly.

"I lay in bed for several days.", you replied insulted: "A little time outside would be good for me."

Daryl didn't lower his arm and still glared at you. "Ya' would only disturb 'nd fuckin' annoy me..."

You lowered yourself to go under his arm and clearly ignored him. But the archer held you by the shirt and moved away from the door.

"What the hell?", he snapped: "What don't ya' understand 'bout that, besides, ya' can't walk well enough with this fucked up leg."

Strangely, he smiled nervously. There was something about him that he hid. The reason had to be something else.

"Then the problem is the leg, yes?"

He pointed with his forefinger at you. "Sam 'nd the others said-..."

"Are you kidding me? Since when are you interested in what others say?", you interrupted. Daryl opened his mouth to yell at you, but little Judith burst into sobs. Rick walked past you and entered the church without any problem, as Daryl had lowered his arm.

"If you don't want me by your side, just say it instead of lying to me.", you whispered, leaving him alone.

You then went madly into the room, which was meanwhile called your room, or the infirmary. As soon as Sam saw that you were moving in that direction, he was happy.

"Blessed be Jesus Christ!"

The others chuckled except for Father Gabriel. The little girl's screams echoed in those old walls, alarming Beth, who came to rescue Judith's father from the crying creature. You closed the door behind you and snorted. You wanted to be alone to reflect on how you usually do, even though it came closer to mental torture. Daryl was always right about one thing, that you could be in trouble all the time... Of course it wasn't a dangerous situation now, but it was so embarrassing and complicated. You tapped your fingers on the mattress and tried to calm down slowly. You couldn't ignore the people in the next room, especially now that you had found each other again. And so you took a deep breath and waited a few minutes until you had the courage to get up again when the door opened.

"We have to talk.", the sheriff explained.

"There is no need."

But he closed the door anyway and implicitly insisted. "Let me explain it to you..."

"Rick, seriously, I don't need a speech, an explanation or anything that you have in mind.", you replied but he didn't move away from the door and explained that he wouldn't let the matter rest.

"I'm sorry, okay?", he said nervously: "I don't even know why I did it, I acted instinctively. To be honest, it's been a long time since I behaved like that. I didn't thought of the possible consequences..."

You shook your head. "You can't do that to me, Rick. I'm confused, I can't be distracted by these pointless situations. You can't act so out of the blue, kiss me and then apologize. I don't care, but please stay away from me."

You were so sorry to talk to him like that, but otherwise your mind would have collapsed. You needed space. Not that you didn't trust the sheriff, but you wanted to avoid this situation.

"I'm going crazy...", he hissed: "I don't recognize myself anymore. I kill enemies... Even people, survivors like us, and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing, in fact I'm happy. Joe... I bit into his carotid artery like a mad beast Y/N. I'm not like that... I was never like that. You met me in the prison and I was already changed. And I know it makes no sense, but when I talk to you, I feel better, you can calm me down."

You didn't know if you should be angry or sad. It's true, you didn't know what it was in the past, but that was not important anymore. You were somehow shocked that you could calm him down. You didn't do anything special, you just talked a little...

"What we once were, you have to forget... These people no longer exist, just like the old world. Only actions, words, and present situations are important. If you had been as innocent as you were years ago, do you really believe that you would have survived? Rick, I don't know what changed you recently, but let's pretend that this kiss didn't happen, discussing it makes no sense..."

You looked at each other silently and lowered your eyes. The tension was broken. Nevertheless, the voices of the others reached you and they seemed to speak softly. Maybe you were exaggerating and too problematic, but a kiss for you was something special, nothing frivolous.

He confessed: "It helps me to talk to you, however, I agree, let's forget it, and if we talk about it now, it would only make things worse."

You smiled at him, although it was forced. He became serious, authoritarian, as if he had returned to the role of leader. You sighed in relief, hoping that things wouldn't change between you. You didn't want embarrassing looks, you didn't want to be afraid to talk in the group or make decisions. Finally, you had to think of something else now. Theoretically, you had decided to wait for the other team led by Abraham. If they have problems along the way, they would come back. You had given him a period of several days, partly because of the difficulties on the highway. Many roads were blocked, but you hoped they would find a way out. At this point it would be good if Eugene really had the ability to endure everything... Nevertheless, you decided to turn to the others, you were too isolated. Sasha talked to her brother, they seemed so happy. Rick sat down next to Beth and Judith. Carl commented on a comic that Michonne had given him and joked with her. Sam, on the other hand, was outstretched and didn't care about others, just like Carol, who seemed away with her thoughts. So you decided to get close to her, after all, she had saved your life in Terminus. She sat on a bench, isolated from everything and everyone. She probably didn't want to be disturbed, but you tried anyway.

"Hey.", you said carefully. She looked at you with her bright eyes and smiled as if she wanted to cheer you up.

"I haven't thanked you because of Terminus yet.", you added.

"You would have done the same thing."

"Is everything alright?", you asked her and she waved you to sit down. "It's all right.", she confirmed.

There was nothing remarkable about the faded memories. You leaned against the wooden back of the bench, as if you were sinking into this object and wanted to drop from all circumstances. The effort you had in Terminus, the escape, the wounds... It was as if you had reached the top of patience, as if you had no hope left. The positivity had completely disappeared and left room for the darkest feelings. You started giving up what you didn't really want to repeat. Even if they told you there was some sort of protection a few miles away, any structure that could have suited you, you wouldn't have moved your damn ass off that bench. Beth sighed loudly and told everyone how bored she was. The girl straightened her braid and went to the door to return the little girl to the sheriff. She opened the door with a certain indifference, but Tyreese instantly jumped up, as if afraid for her. She turned around and beckoned to him with her hand to sit down and not to worry. It pleased you to notice the good connection between them. You leaned your head back and looked at the ceiling despite the uncomfortable position. You couldn't help but think, your mind wandered about without obvious logical order or meaning. You tilted your head a little and peered out of a gap in the barricaded window into the sky, the only small square clear of the wooden planks that had fortified the fortifications. No one dared to bother you and you weren't interested in the dialogues either. When you decided to lift your ass off the surface, you searched for Beth's face. She hadn't returned yet. Tyreese opened the door loudly and made you realize that she had left without your noticing. Rick immediately gave Carl the baby and approached him with a questioning face, although he had already understood.

"She isn't near anymore!"

You got up and stared at Michonne and Carol, waiting for their suggestions. The sheriff grabbed his weapon and was ready to run into the clearing.

"Something must have happened to her!", Michonne said nervously.

"You're a good shooter, right?", Rick asked Sasha. She nodded and reached for the rifle.

"Good. Carl, Tyreese, Sasha and Carol. You stand guard here, the rest will come with me.", Rick ordered.

Gabriel closed his hands in prayer and whispered words to God. Carl wanted to answer, but fell silent. It also made no sense to take you with them because you weren't in good shape at all and would slow them down in search. But as soon as you were equipped, you joined them outside. Sam seemed to be surprised, although you had the choice. You went together for a while and after marking a tree you all were ready to split up in the area. Looking up at the sky from the dense branches, you could watch a few clouds expand. Sam noticed the difficulty of moving smoothly and warned Rick with a critical look. Although he didn't notice, he felt guilty and slowed down so that you could reach the exact point where he was. He frowned at you and held the gun.

"I don't mind.", he said in a low voice and a slight smile escaped you.

"The fact that we haven't discussed doesn't mean that I didn't want to go with you to search for Beth."

Walking next to him as if nothing had happened had a strange effect on your mind. He checked that Michonne and Sam were at the right distance so as not to listen.

"That I don't mind having you here has nothing to do with what happened between us, on the contrary, I wanted you to go."

"Why the hell did you want me with you?", you asked.

"Because you're smart, Y/N.", he said: "I like how you think, how you act in times of danger. You survived and not just physically."

Michonne stopped suddenly when you wanted to answer him and pointed to smoke, which dissolved in the blue-gray sky. A clear sign of the presence of humans.

"We should go from several sides."

"Good.", you hastily said. "I'm going with Sam."

Rick didn't protest, partly because there wasn't much point in arguing. This would clearly show that something was wrong between you. Sam cheered silently, because he was slightly intimidated by Michonne... You went different ways and waved to each other with a nod. When you were further away from the others, you heard a walker and Sam wanted to turn back immediately. You grabbed the knife, but before you could jump on it, you stumbled backwards over a root and crawled back to make space between it and you. As soon as Sam noticed, he buried his machete in his chest.

"In the head, damn it!", you shouted to him.

However, this ridiculous situation immediately took a different turn. Other walkers came to you. You tried to get up again, saw Sam in the walker's distress, and rammed the blade into his skull, just enough to notice he was collapsing on the ground. You forced Sam to run immediately and you didn't have to repeat it twice. The escape was painful... With every step you took, it felt like the wound was reopening. A uncomfortable feeling. When you were far enough away, you asked for mercy and he immediately gave up his grip as if he came back from a trance effect. You put your hands on your knees and leaned your back forward. Sam chuckled and put a hand in front of his mouth. You shook your head and meanwhile returned to breathing normally.

"You're fucking crazy.", you joked: "It looked like you didn't have the slightest idea what to do."

"I panicked!", he defended himself: "But how are you?"

"Don't change the topic.", you replied, limping back to the smoke.
He flanked you as you moved, lifting one of your arms around his shoulders and resting on your side with his right hand. You appreciated this gesture. You never admitted that you needed help, so you were glad he had spontaneously offered it to you.

"Sam, how many of the walkers have you already killed?", you asked and the three questions immediately came to your mind...

"Very few.", he confessed: "I always had people who did that for me."

"How many people have you killed?"

"Why should I ever kill people? I'm not a liar, I was alone for some time after the death of Ana. Then I met Brian and to be honest, it's me who stuck to him like a burdock. But he was a pretty quiet guy, hardly spoke."

In the distance you could see the outline of a building, you were very close. You broke away from Sam and crouched behind a tree. He followed you, kneeling between the tree and a bush and keeping well hidden. You saw a cemented open space and an L-shaped structure. It looked like a primary school because some drawings hung on the windows. A small group of people turned away and didn't allow you to see their faces. But you didn't see Beth among them. They were sitting on the ground, busy eating grilled meat. You moved along the perimeter, watching for where you moved your feet. But the men suddenly stood up and brandished their weapons. Some shots sounded in the forest.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!", Sam whispered.

People ran in the direction of the shots and left the school building. It was Rick who caught their attention. You thought about the different hypotheses and quickly rejected the improbable.

"Run to the others, you have to help them from another side.", you said and he took the weapon with trembling hands.

"And you?", he asked: "I can't go alone, I can't!"

You tugged at him and grabbed him by the collar.

"Yes, maybe, but they need you now!", you urged him: "I can't run! Just run through the clearing while I try to find out more."

Then he hugged you in a hasty motion and hurried to the others. You now went to the grill and looked at their objects. There was nothing special, bags, a knife, a bottle of water. As if they didn't know what it means to live outside. They had a few strips of meat on the grill and bones on the ground. You took a few steps back, still staring at those damn bones. They didn't belong to an animal, but to a human... The people you saw... Maybe they were from Terminus, or maybe they're other cannibals with the same lifestyle. They were dangerous individuals, you should have dealt with them as soon as possible. You tried to push away the disgusting thought that clung to your head, but a streak of blood distracted you. A corpse was probably dragged around and put in a corner of the school. Probably the same person who had a part of his leg amputated. You looked back at the bones and the trail of blood and kept repeating the same sentence: "Please, don't let it be Beth. Please..."

You leaned against the wall and almost dragged yourself over it. You didn't want to look to see who the victim was, but something told you to do it. Maybe Rick had caught those people's attention just to allow you and Sam to rescue her. You held your breath, and after staring at the bloodstain for a long time, you looked out to see who that person was...