Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Two
Every year I was with another friend group. I got bored with the same people. Call me a bitch or selfish or anything. But that's just the way I am. I've been cautious as not to get too close to them. But I did. In 2nd grade I got close with Nancy and told her all my secrets. But I was 6 then so my secrets were kinda stupid. Except once. I wasn't a very brave kid back then. By back then I mean till 5th or 6th grade. I was afraid of the dark, ghosts, aliens and so on. So, I slept with my parents till I was 9 or 10. I don't remember. And I don't want to. So this happened like ten times or something in  my entire life. might have guessed it. Yup. I WITNESSED MY PARENTS HAVING SEX TEN TIMES IN MY LIFE. AND MAYBE MORE. Oh my god I don't wanna think about it.
Another person I got close to was Ally. She was a nice kid. She just had a bit of superiority complex. And by a bit I mean she was filled with it. Like instead of 72% water in her body(or I don't know how much) she had superiority complex. She kept bragging about how she was the only child unlike me who was the youngest in the family and how she wasn't a brat. And now you must be thinking "What wrong with that?". Well, that was all she talked about! She being better that everyone else cause she ain't spoiled. And I could only talk when I had secrets and problems with life. I didn't like her much anyway. I was only there with her for the popularity. I know its bitchy but I told you, that's the way I am. The worst thing is she knows almost everything that happened in my life. She squeezed it out of me.
When I was 9 years old, in 4th grade, November 29th or something, I almost died.
The house had 4 rooms. One for my mom and dad which was downstairs and my three elder sisters' three rooms upstairs. I don't think I was planned. My second eldest sister, Hail, was studying abroad. So Agatha, my third eldest sister got Hail's room, I got Agatha's room and Lidia, my eldest sister had the same room. But her room was super dirty and she didn't want to clean it so since I used to sleep with mom and dad, she used to sleep in my room. The problem was, Lidia slept all the time. She was awake when I was at school or sleeping. And Lidia was such a bitch. She kept shouting at me for nothing. She still does that. She didn't let me go to my own room. And if you didn't experience that, you should know, it feels super bad. You wanna punch their face so hard their teeth come off. I still wanna do that. Motherfucking bitch is all I wanna say. Mother. Fucking. Bitch.
So one day, at 7pm or something, I was going upstairs to keep my bag in my room. Lidia was sleeping and shouted at me for coming in and waking her. I just ignored her and closed the door and went away. Suddenly, I had this urge. This urge to slide down through the handrails. So I did it. And I fell and cracked my skull. I told everyone I didn't remember and it was probably because I wanted to take a book(There was a bookshelf near the stairs) and I fell down but it wasn't the case. But what I remember, it doesn't feel real too. It feels ike someone shoved it into my memory and that the reason I fell was something else.

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© Agna Thalakkal,
книга «Insecurities».