Dissociation
I sit with another version
of myself eating this apple
and this apple. I see
myself bite, chew,
and swallow as I bite,
chew, and swallow. I cannot
read me, my other face
consumed in eating this apple.
In my sinus there is a buzzing
like a dying fluorescent light
that drowns this apple I’m eating.
I cannot tell if this other me
hears it, if I see me
seeing me chewing and lost.
I would be fine if I stayed confined
to this, to sitting and eating.
I grow concerned when I see me
on the train and getting
off at the wrong stop, leaving me
bewildered in the tunnel. Worried
when I see myself driving my car
and veering it into traffic. Alarmed
at the beach when I watch me
walk into the water calm with
stones in my pockets when there
are no stones in my pockets.
Curious when I sit and write
when I’ve had no pen in hand in weeks.
And every time I try to ask me
I’m gone before I get there.
2020-05-07 21:13:26
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