The night his mother died was the last time I saw him.

He climbed up to my balcony looking like a total mess. In his blue eyes was written the pain he was suffering from his loss. I immediately knew that the moment he was so afraid of had come to crash his life. I remember it as if it was yesterday. 

“ She's gone" a fifteen year old Maxwell said as soon as I opened my balcony door. His voice pure agony and pain.  I knew the only thing I
could do at my young age was to be there for him.

So I walked two steps  forward and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. We have never been this close before and my proximity was new to him. A few seconds passed when he finally returned the hug and with his gentle embrace his tears started to flow down his beautiful eyes.

He held me closer as if he needed me to hold him, as if begging me to be the support he needed.  Then he lost it. He lost the ability to stand by himself as I could start to hear his heart breaking sobs. He relied his body on me as I made my way to my bed. He sat there defeated with his palms burning holes on his eyes. I was broken by seeing him so torn apart. 

We didn't talk for hours he just laid in the bed crying or holding me. He spread his legs on my mattress and rested his head on my lap as I caressed his hair. I wanted to calm him down and make him feel that eventually he will be fine. I just couldn't find the right words.

“ I know I have to be strong.  She taught me to be better than this, but Jess, I can't help it. I'm not going to see her again, hear her voice,  play silly games with her. I lost my best friend”  he whispered each word when he found himself out of tears.  His voice was hoarse and dry from crying for the last two hours.

“  Max, it is fine to feel like this. You are strong enough to let yourself feel. You need to cry for your loss. Cry as much as you need to today and after that live everyday the way you mom would have wanted you to. Tonight just let yourself be" I replied holding back my own silent tears, the ones that have been falling nonstop since he came.

“ Thank you,Jess. I didn't know where else to go. I just wanted to get out of the hospital. I couldn't stand it anymore and I knew you would understand better than anyone else" his voice was a soft whisper against my ears.

“ You don't have to thank me. I'll always be here for you" I meant it. At that moment I felt it but I didn't know things would change soon.

He sat down cross leg across from my spot. There was a sad reality reflected in his swollen red eyes and the absence of the usual playful light around his blue orbs. He was broken.

He squeezed my hands holding them slowly and carefully as I'd he could break them. Then he smiled sadly before passing right through the other side of the bed. I watched him in silence as I saw him rest his head on the pillow next to mine. I knew dad wouldn't approve Max sleeping next to me on the same bed, but this was an emergency. 

I put the covers on him gently to not bother him. I knew Max was a rebellious soul and it was about time his father knew where he was. I got out of the bed when his tormented breath slowed down to a peaceful whisper.

I opened the door and with my blanket wrapped around my body I entered my dad's room. He was leaning his back on the bed frame focused on the TV show he was watching tonight. He took a look at me and immediately stood up from the bed.

“ You were crying?  Oh my love! What happened?” he asked reaching to me and taking my hand in his.

I put a loose strand of my messy curly hair behind my ear, nervously. “ She died"  I said with a weak, shaking voice.

“ What? Who Jess?” he asked worried with a horrified expression on his face. His brown eyes that resembles my own looked at me anxiously waiting for an explanation.

“ Max’s mother died tonight”  I tried to hold my tears, but it was in vain.

“ Oh God! He must be broken and William…" he murmured while he put on his shoes and grabbed his phone to make the call.

I knew dad and Mr. Johansen knew each other. They used to be close friends a few years back.  They drift apart after they got busy with their own businesses. 

“ Dad, before you make the call. I need you to allow me this one thing...you know I don't ask for anything, but this is important”  I sat on his bed as I watched him get dressed.  I guessed he was going to be there for his friend. 

“ What is that?” he asked,  assuming it was really important he slowed down his pace around the room.

“ Tell Mr. Johansen that Maxwell is here" I started to explain shyly waiting for my dad's reaction.

“ What? How?” he asked stopping on his tracks in front of me.  I knew he was truly curious because he didn't hear a doorbell. 

“Max has his own ways, dad. That's not important right now. I want you to tell his dad that he's here and...I want you to let him stay tonight" I was surprised at how confident and determined my voice sounded.

“ A boy, in your room? Sharing your bed?” he doubted for a moment before looking back at me with a comprehensive tender expression.  “ Is he that important to you?”

I knew what he meant.  He was asking if I had feelings for him. I knew the answer as it reached my lips before I could stop myself. 

“ Yes, without a doubt”  my voice didn't shake. I was certainly sure that somehow I loved Maxwell. At least as a friend.  “ He is so broken right now dad and I just want to be here for him"

“ I will call William now. Go back to bed and try to sleep. Tomorrow morning he will have to go with his family, but for now I think is good to let him rest. There's a lot of pain he will have to handle during the next months" my dad agreed as he sat beside me. He put his big arms around my shoulder and squeeze me into a hug.

I smiled at him and kissed his cheek before heading out of his room. I approached mine and climbed to my bed, leaving the door open in case dad was still doubtful about his decision. 

I laid on one side looking directly at Max who was awake. I searched for his hand and hold it for a few seconds. He didn't stop looking directly to my big brown eyes as a few more tears left his eyes. His blue eyes now looked like a raging sea with waves of tears filling them.

“  It will get better, Max. I promise you that everything will be fine". I made a promise for the first time. A promise I didn't fulfill.  

“ I know" he whispered closing his eyes.  “ Jess?”

“ Yes, Max?” I whispered back at him feeling my body dragging me to sleep.

“ I love you" I knew he loved me. I have been his best friend during the last months.

He has climbed that same ladder more times that what I could count. In the middle of the night or early morning before school. We have shared numerous conversations about anything and everything. He has opened his heart to me and let me be there during these hard months in which he had to witness his mother slowly die. He made me laugh and to love maths as I kept on editing his essays over and over again. We were Max and Jess.

“ I love you too" I replied softly as I saw a small smile on his lips.

Everything changed in a matter of days. He left. His mother was buried in Philadelphia and he stayed there for the summer.

The summer that changed it all.

I haven't seen Max in almost two months. Hell! I haven't even heard from him not a call or text. A few days after the end of the school year I noticed how different my life felt without him.

I waited patiently for a sign that he was still the same Max, that even though he had a lot to go through he stayed the same. I never got that sign.

I was in Japan now three days before school started.  My sophomore year. I was ecstatic to meet Mila after so long and to try out for the cheerleader team. I was almost panicked to see Maxwell again. I kept wondering what happened to being best friends? 

Stop thinking about it, Jess!

I made my mind two weeks ago. I have spent the summer thinking about him and trying to reach him. All in vain.  I had to do this one sacrifice for the sake of my dreams and stop my feelings right now. I was about to have the audition of my life in five seconds and as the curtains opened in front of me I made myself a promise.

I wasn't going to fall in love again. Not until I get in the school of my dreams.  Not until being vulnerable wouldn't compromise my dream. Most of all, not until I could get over him.