In My Castle
(18+)
You hear my screams of pain You feel my skin bruise You see the anguish painted on my face You see the canvas of my skin covered in blue and red You play me as weak You give me no way to protect myself Lettered bullets, inked knives, graphite boots You can make me bleed The doubt you fill me with The hate you gave me, I denied The love I withheld, you needed The world you made turn away from me I let it keep me from the ones that only wanted to help me I let it drown me I ripped out my hair I bit my nails I cried where you could not hear me I let my walls climb up I let vines and thorns grow I was Sleeping Beauty Trapped in a nightmare there was no waking up from ~ Brick by brick, stone by stone Clay smeared in aged cracks and chips I built my castle I dug the moat with bloodied hands Scraping, reaching, pulling With mud underneath my bitten fingernails, I pull the drawbridge up, closing up my hand-made cage Behind cold, never moving walls I would look out frosted, stained glass windows For an instance, a small fragment of time The hate, the torn away world I had lived in, the sharp agony in my chest It faded away, Lingering in the forgotten shadows of my mind, Waiting like my own personal ghost Lurking in the dark until it could sink it’s fangs back into me Like a dog on a leash I would be jerked back into my solid enclosure Away from the looking Cause even a glance was dangerous My castle was fragile, my walls strong The vines and thorns that grew, stretched upwards Holding up tightly shut blossoms that refused to awake That refused to let the light in The moat just beyond a pane of glass reflected my face, The drowning water concealed behind my eyes The bruises healed, The screams and tears didn’t I wore a mask, and it fooled everyone ~ Twisting a ring around my finger, I wept I begged I stole I tore I scratched I bit I tucked away my frown, my creased forehead lines I put them in a chest, locked them away, and consumed the key I stitched on a twisted, china doll grin A sharpened sword and shield I polished it, practiced wearing it, Smiling until blood ran down my ruddy cheeks The thread held, my screams finally silenced For if no one hears me cry for help, Did I cry at all Were my lungs filling with water, If I wasn’t coughing and gasping for breath ~ So I took the hate you gave me The love I denied you The scars The hushed screams The water-filled grave The mask I made The cape of weakness you tied around my neck so tight And I buried it in my castle My walls crumbled, cracks letting beams of light kiss my face Among the rubble of stone, lay fully bloomed roses smiling in the sun Over time, the glass windows shattered The castle softened, crumbling And as I walked across the ruins, Across shattered glass I broke the stitched on grin Tears poured down on the grass Through the pain, I smiled And I broke open the chest And for the first time, The first of many, I laughed In my castle
You hear my screams of pain You feel my skin bruise You see the anguish painted on my face You see the canvas of my skin covered in blue and red You play me as weak You give me no way to protect myself Lettered bullets, inked knives, graphite boots You can make me bleed The doubt you fill me with The hate you gave me, I denied The love I withheld, you needed The world you made turn away from me I let it keep me from the ones that only wanted to help me I let it drown me I ripped out my hair I bit my nails I cried where you could not hear me I let my walls climb up I let vines and thorns grow I was Sleeping Beauty Trapped in a nightmare there was no waking up from ~ Brick by brick, stone by stone Clay smeared in aged cracks and chips I built my castle I dug the moat with bloodied hands Scraping, reaching, pulling With mud underneath my bitten fingernails, I pull the drawbridge up, closing up my hand-made cage Behind cold, never moving walls I would look out frosted, stained glass windows For an instance, a small fragment of time The hate, the torn away world I had lived in, the sharp agony in my chest It faded away, Lingering in the forgotten shadows of my mind, Waiting like my own personal ghost Lurking in the dark until it could sink it’s fangs back into me Like a dog on a leash I would be jerked back into my solid enclosure Away from the looking Cause even a glance was dangerous My castle was fragile, my walls strong The vines and thorns that grew, stretched upwards Holding up tightly shut blossoms that refused to awake That refused to let the light in The moat just beyond a pane of glass reflected my face, The drowning water concealed behind my eyes The bruises healed, The screams and tears didn’t I wore a mask, and it fooled everyone ~ Twisting a ring around my finger, I wept I begged I stole I tore I scratched I bit I tucked away my frown, my creased forehead lines I put them in a chest, locked them away, and consumed the key I stitched on a twisted, china doll grin A sharpened sword and shield I polished it, practiced wearing it, Smiling until blood ran down my ruddy cheeks The thread held, my screams finally silenced For if no one hears me cry for help, Did I cry at all Were my lungs filling with water, If I wasn’t coughing and gasping for breath ~ So I took the hate you gave me The love I denied you The scars The hushed screams The water-filled grave The mask I made The cape of weakness you tied around my neck so tight And I buried it in my castle My walls crumbled, cracks letting beams of light kiss my face Among the rubble of stone, lay fully bloomed roses smiling in the sun Over time, the glass windows shattered The castle softened, crumbling And as I walked across the ruins, Across shattered glass I broke the stitched on grin Tears poured down on the grass Through the pain, I smiled And I broke open the chest And for the first time, The first of many, I laughed In my castle
2020-07-01 15:42:11
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