Вірші
Doll
That mask you’re wearing runs so deep
Those rosy cheeks, that pale skin, those shiny, manicured nails
So pale, so doll-like, so breakable
Your china lips so heavy you can’t speak
Your tongue rolls behind your teeth, wanting to form words
But, those lips weren’t meant to move
Your eyes are glass-like,
Fickle, easily broken, and foggy
The holes you see through so small you can’t see anything around you
You’re immersed in your perfection
Your precise curls fall down your smooth face, so soft, so thick
You have no expressions, no tears, no smile
You paint them on and wipe them off
Cover them, smother them, you hide them
Such dainty hands, such tiny feet
The buckled shoes, the ironed dress, the shiny jewelry
It’s your curtain that you hide behind
You sit, unable to move, finding it hard to breathe
You won’t get far with your dainty china body
So keep your perfection,
I’ll keep my eyes open wide
I’ll keep my awkwardness
I’ll keep my voice
I’ll keep me
Because I’m not perfect
And that’s all you’ll ever be
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In My Castle
You hear my screams of pain
You feel my skin bruise
You see the anguish painted on my face
You see the canvas of my skin covered in blue and red
You play me as weak
You give me no way to protect myself
Lettered bullets, inked knives, graphite boots
You can make me bleed
The doubt you fill me with
The hate you gave me, I denied
The love I withheld, you needed
The world you made turn away from me
I let it keep me from the ones that only wanted to help me
I let it drown me
I ripped out my hair
I bit my nails
I cried where you could not hear me
I let my walls climb up
I let vines and thorns grow
I was Sleeping Beauty
Trapped in a nightmare there was no waking up from
~
Brick by brick, stone by stone
Clay smeared in aged cracks and chips
I built my castle
I dug the moat with bloodied hands
Scraping, reaching, pulling
With mud underneath my bitten fingernails,
I pull the drawbridge up, closing up my hand-made cage
Behind cold, never moving walls
I would look out frosted, stained glass windows
For an instance, a small fragment of time
The hate, the torn away world I had lived in, the sharp agony in my chest
It faded away,
Lingering in the forgotten shadows of my mind,
Waiting like my own personal ghost
Lurking in the dark until it could sink it’s fangs back into me
Like a dog on a leash
I would be jerked back into my solid enclosure
Away from the looking
Cause even a glance was dangerous
My castle was fragile, my walls strong
The vines and thorns that grew, stretched upwards
Holding up tightly shut blossoms that refused to awake
That refused to let the light in
The moat just beyond a pane of glass reflected my face,
The drowning water concealed behind my eyes
The bruises healed,
The screams and tears didn’t
I wore a mask, and it fooled everyone
~
Twisting a ring around my finger,
I wept
I begged
I stole
I tore
I scratched
I bit
I tucked away my frown, my creased forehead lines
I put them in a chest, locked them away, and consumed the key
I stitched on a twisted, china doll grin
A sharpened sword and shield
I polished it, practiced wearing it,
Smiling until blood ran down my ruddy cheeks
The thread held, my screams finally silenced
For if no one hears me cry for help,
Did I cry at all
Were my lungs filling with water,
If I wasn’t coughing and gasping for breath
~
So I took the hate you gave me
The love I denied you
The scars
The hushed screams
The water-filled grave
The mask I made
The cape of weakness you tied around my neck so tight
And I buried it in my castle
My walls crumbled, cracks letting beams of light kiss my face
Among the rubble of stone, lay fully bloomed roses smiling in the sun
Over time, the glass windows shattered
The castle softened, crumbling
And as I walked across the ruins,
Across shattered glass
I broke the stitched on grin
Tears poured down on the grass
Through the pain, I smiled
And I broke open the chest
And for the first time,
The first of many,
I laughed
In my castle
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Disguise
You hurt me with your words and lies.
I can see behind your porcelain disguise.
I can see it in your twisted smile.
Something that is truly vile.
I can see it in your eyes.
Inside your deep, dark disguise.
Is it some kind of ruse?
Cause I have the bruise.
It shows the wars I've won.
And the things that have only just begun.
What do I have to lose?
Do I even get to choose?
Cause I'm not one to advise.
As you hide behind that awful disguise.
We say our final goodbyes.
Severing our last ties.
Neither of us cries.
Do you finally see past the cracking disguise?
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