He could actually hear her voice out of the fog and turn around see ranny.  His beloved but insane ranny.  Beautiful as a picture.
"I love you sweeties with all my DNA," she would say that. "Please dont betray me my sweeties." He come closer  to her.  She would disappear into thin air.
Matty would say "let me be with you my love.  I want to be with you."  That's how the dreams started as they days and months progressed
He would have dreams of making love to her.  Messaging her soft breasts, feeling her lips kiss him and her teasing him with the dull side of the scalpel.   In the dreams he held her tight as if as not to let her go as he would the consequences her of that. 
"make love to me sweeties," she would whisper as he fantasized about watch gory horror move.  While they made out.  Their tears mixing as if in reunion...  as if she were just on vacation but he knew better. 
He would wake up with the sweats and finding out he had a what dream.
He would have stroke just relieve himself but nothing could get rid of the sorrow and lost.
At least I was with her at her final moments. Kissing my twisted yet beautiful flower.  He thought to himself.   My roma angel.  
He didn't just watch her autopsy videos and surgical videos for educational purposes but to remember her. He even watched her testify in murder trials just remember her voice.  She had a such darling yet creepy voice as she smiled confidently.  He wanted to be in the same room.  She seemed so professional yet caring.
He prayed as he was having these dreams of her  that there was a heaven for suicide victims or at least that they would meet in another life.  That much he hoped for.

Soon her went on wattpad and other writing services to write love letters and his dream down.  Just to help himself and another's life if they are going through the loss of significant other.  He couldn't do to much honour her. 
He said to himself that he did what he could do to help her  and try to move on.  He met a girl in his biochemistry classes who seemed nice.  They started dating. 
When the girl lily asked about his tattoo he would say "I dont want to talk about it." Or why he'd be in her place all the time yet not touch her.
That was enough to feel like he was betraying ranny.
These feelings of betrayal came about when he did touch lily and had sex with her.
He would cry or sob in the middle being with lily.
He said I have a secret and i want to show you the story behind the tattoo.
But she would figure it out soon when the national medical board went interview hom in the investigation that they started.