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Cold
These cold Decembers and shrugged whatever's
Are making it hard for me to remember
A time when happy thoughts were easy to render
My emotions are in a swirl
And I'm just a single lonely girl
How can I possibly make it in this hard world?
I'm feeling low
And my heart is a mess
But the therapist says that I'm not depressed
But what do they know?
About my ups and lows?
I feel like my heart is beginning to slow
I'm crashing down
I think this is it
My head is spinning
And I need to sit
Its crazy how I got here
How I used to have no fear
But now all that's left is this pain
And I'm starting to feel a little bit insane
The night is closing in
And the lights are starting to dim
Tell me, who in this game
Could possibly win?
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My Truth
So you see these cuts on my wrist
And the ones on my thighs
Dont let them come to you as a big surprise
You saw them coming
Because you're also at fault
Weren't you the one who said to go take a walk?
So here I am speaking the truth
How could you turn your back on a person of my youth?
You tell me how you had it bad
And that I shouldn't be so sad
You say I should be grateful
But I just end up being hateful
I feel like I'm going down
Because this world isn't slowing down
In my head its dark with slumber
And now I think I'm going under
Do you know how it feels to be me every single day?
You look at me and I try to seem okay
We're struggling can't you see?
We're trying to be the best we can possibly be
But that doesn't matter now
Because we're just a few faces there in the crowd
So maybe at night when you think about the day and what you've done
You'll think of the kids who've go no one
So this is it, this is me
And I'm here begging on my knees, asking you please
Could you ever be fine with
Me being me?
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Mom
You know that I love you
And that I don't want to let you down
So please stop looking at me, with a mad frown
You showed me and taught me, to be more independent
But I think you went farther than even you intended
I'm not really okay on my own
But I try to be to show you that I am grown
I read one of your diaries and how you were depressed
So how can you look at me and say I'm not a mess?
You've told me I'm overweight and that I should lose a few pounds
Now I can't look at myself so I just stare at the ground
You're no better than me
And as far as I can see, you're the one who needs lose some of that honesty
You tear me down and make it hard to look up
Why don't you just say it, just tell me that I suck!
I can't believe I'm saying this, and it really is true
But a part of me dies each time I become more like you
I just wanted you to be tender, and maybe give me a kiss
But because of you there are scars on my wrist
Its hard to be your daughter
And I wish that it wasn't
For you to be proud of me, well that'd be a present
You've given me panic attacks and suicidal thoughts too
That's why I never want to become like you
When I have a daughter and she's feeling down
I won't be the one who put her on the ground
In a couple of years or a decade too
I promise that I'll be a better mother than you.
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Me
Its really hard to write this
I've been trying so hard just to fight this
But what do you want from me?
Who do you want me to be?
So much of our family has left and gone
Am I really the one you should be picking on?
I'm trying not to die
Because believe me I've tried
Didn't you ever stop and think
About the words you say before you blink?
It's not easy being human
And happiness isn't guaranteed
But you don't know what its like
To make yourself bleed
This world is harsh and sometimes cruel
You should meet the people at school
Is this a joke? Or is it a test?
I'm sorry but I don't want to be like the rest.
I truly am..just trying to be my best.
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