Hello Everyone 😊 My name is Jenny Frye. I want to take a second to say, Thank you to everyone who has put likes on my book called "My Story isn't Over Yet!" Im not finished with it yet but I hope by putting my story out there, that I have touched many lives! That is my ultimate goal! I am currently working on my 5th chapter. I'm almost finished with it. Then I will be starting on my 6th chapter called "Triggers".... 😊 My hobbies include writing, drawing, and singing! I'm 37 years old with two children, 15 & 11. I've been married for 18 years. Over my life time, I have tremendously struggled but I now refuse to let that defeat me! I may have lost the battle but I have won the race! I am Jenny Frye & I AM A SURVIVOR!!!! 😊😊😊😊

My Story isn't Over Yet! Part 2 Moving Forward As you have already read in the first part of my tragic testimony, it's no secret that I am a survivor of very severe child abuse and neglect. As I have mentioned in Part 1 of my story, the abuse from my adopted parents began when I was 6 years old, I was raped by a friends boyfriend when I was 11 years old. The abuse from my adopted parents continued up until I was 19, until I moved out & got married & moved in with my husband. I suffered severe abuse of all types my whole childhood! I was severely sexually, physically, mentally, & verbally abused, everyday for 15 years by my evil adopted parents. On top of all that, I was raped at the young age of 11. I was belittled, criticised, called names, no child on this Earth should ever be called, by my adopted parents! I’m not sure why, perhaps it was because I had to suffer the consequences of my biological parents mistakes. I had to take on, more than any child should ever have to endure at such a young age. My focus & purpose of this blog is to get my story out there by expressing & helping others who have been through tragic abuse by telling others what my motivation & inspiration is for my daily life & how I survived the hard days. & how I continue to thrive in the good ones. As a mother of two girls & a wife, I can't say I never tried any kind of drug. Back in high school, I tried pot one time. I tried to fit in else where, being I didn't fit in, in my own home. I have drank alcohol, but only because growing up around an alcoholic, it was a learned way of life, when I was in my teens. I thought that's how I was supposed to cope with my problems. I'm not proud to admit it, but I have tried to kill myself. Only because I didn't know any other way to deal with the traumatic events that have plagued my life forever. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety, & borderline personality disorder in 2010. For 8 years I had to be on very strong medication to help control the horrific flashbacks, suicidal thoughts, my Major depression, voices, & my insomnia due to being a victim of very Traumatic, & inhumane childhood abuse. I recently had an event occur which disrupted my whole system & has caused me to face my childhood all over again. But I didn't let that slow me down, with how strong I have become over the past year & the tools I have learned over the years. I have no other choice but to embrace it, learn from it & just keep moving forward. Over the years, I have been open about my abuse with friends. I don’t try to hide it anymore, when they ask questions about my childhood. As I make new friends, I know my past will eventually come up in conversation. But that's ok, because the more I talk about my past, the more of an inspiration I am to others who feel as though there is no hope, that have experienced an unfortunate tragic abuse in their life. With what I have had to endure for 15 years, day in & day out, I have no other option but to think & say, "Its just a part of who I am and my history." Through years of counseling, peer support, learning coping skills that work for me, staying open with my feelings, sharing my story with others around me. I have learned to accept it. I obviously can't go back & change everything that happened, all I can do is move forward. I’ve been in support groups, peer support & counseling settings such as mental health organization groups, many long talks with friends, and talks with my assigned case workers throughout these 8 years. I have gained so much & have come so far through the 8 years! I have had Amazing support through mental health organizations, support groups, family & friends. If it weren't for God & the tremendous support I have had these 8 years, I literally would not be here today sharing my story & giving other survivors hope & inspiration! Here's a little about who I am. I’m 37 years old. I have been married 18 years. I have two Beautiful, amazing girls. Fifteen & eleven. They are my rock, my foundation for which I stand on, they are my motivation, they are my inspiration to keep fighting each & every day! They remind me & show me every day, what love really is. I will tell you this, I do have really bad health & severe pain in many areas, that I wish I never had. My health started deteriating when I was in my early thirties. As you have read in the first part of my story, I made the stupid choice to starve myself for 4 months, along with dealing with bulemia. I was extremely anorexic & had dropped so much weight. I was literally a walking twig! Not only that, but I was on multiple psych medications for eight long years, that I took on a daily basis for my PTSD, Major depression, Social anxiety, & borderline personality disorder. I had overdosed multiple times on whatever I could get my hands on. Which also took a major toll on my stomach. Due to my poor choices & actions, I now have a lifetime disease that has affected my stomach called Gastroparesis. My stomach no longer knows how to work. So therefore, I have to have a Gastric pacemaker surgically put in to help my stomach work again. To this day I still & will always regret my poor choices & actions. So what does that mean for me? Well as I have mentioned earlier, it is what it is. I can't go back & change it, I just have to move forward & learn from it. As the saying goes, with every action there is a consequence. Well I am now paying for my selfish actions, by not being able to spend the time with my girls, I would very much love to. I can't work a full-time job, I can't get out & do the things with my friends that I want to. My health has limited me from doing a lot of things I still want to do. As a 37 year old woman, mother, & wife, I'm still in my prime years of life. I should be out enjoying more activities with my two girls, my husband, my friends. But unfortunately that's just not the case. I can sit here all day saying poor me, feeling sorry for myself, wishing & dwelling on my past actions by letting it affect me, but honestly where is that gonna get me? That's right, nowhere. I’m just happy & very much thankful to still be alive to watch my Beautiful girls grow up & mature into strong women. I know the Lord has a much better plan for me. I know, I can continue to be strong & push through my pain. Here are some main ways & things I do to help me cope with my past and continue to love life, even on the darkest of days. I find a sense of peace doing free style drawing, writing poems about my childhood, writing this book, journaling, reading my daily devotions, praying, coloring, talking with trusted friends, listening to music. Thank God for YOUTUBE! There are some very inspirational & motivational songs & video's on there that I can really relate to! Although I am still in recovery, I do still have triggers, which I'm currently working on. My triggers are so sensitive to things like certain words, shows, & sounds. To this day there have been situations that have come up that have thrown me off my game that I don't see coming. When these situations arise, they bring back some very painful memories. I’ve suffered from the worst abuse imaginable, throughout my childhood & early teens. I use to cry histerically to the point of having severe break downs that would lead, to me curling up into a ball & turn into severe panic attacks! But as I’ve gotten older and learned new ways of coping, I’ve learned how to control the situation before it's gets out of hand. I would put my headphones in, close my eyes & picture myself somewhere safe & sing as loud as I can to drown out the painful memories. Through much thought & observation, I have learned to recognize when I’ve been “Triggered." I have to remind myself of a few things. "You are safe" "You are not that little girl anymore" "He can't hurt you anymore" When you acknowledge the pain, it isn't always a bad thing, it may be an uncomfortable situation at first, if you're not used to it, but having a good grounding technic can help release those suppressed feelings of the memory, accepting that it happened, and reminding yourself, that it is & always will be a part of your past. Once you continue to practice these grounding technics that only takes a few minutes a day, it'll almost become a habit, and then you'll reach that level of acceptance & recovery you so very much longed for your entire life! You'll be able to move forward with your life. Back when I was younger, I didn't really have a strong Faith in God. I didn't quite understand it. But as I got older & was able to get a better understanding of who God was & what he did for us, everything else pretty much fell into place. Each time I went to church & started getting into God's word & asking lots of questions. I officially became a Christian during an extremely dark time in my life when I was in my late 20's, early thirties. Throughout my life God has turned my life around. I have felt his spirit in desperate times, I have heard his voice in my head, as weird as that may sound. but until you truly experienced it for yourself, you'll never know. He has protected me time & time again and has changed me. I may not be the most perfect person in the world. I'm human just like everyone else on this Earth. Every day, I have to rely heavily on His guidance, Peace, & strength. Without God, I wouldn't be the person I am today! I would like to leave a message to anyone who has tragically had to suffer such inhumane abuse. If anything you have read in my story & have taken away from it, my message is this. Please Don’t give up! Never! Ever! Don't give those perpetrators that power over you! Never! Don't let them win! Your story isn't over yet! If you fall on your face & you get knocked down, you get right back up & keep fighting! I always got knocked down, but I dusted it off & got right back up! Learn some coping technics, they really work, if you put them into practice everyday! Here are some examples: Pray, meditate, put in your favorite music, sing, draw your feelings even if it's just a bunch of different colors, go for a walk, write what you're feeling. Do whatever it takes for you to keep going! Go to support groups in your local community, treat yourself to your favorite restaurant, go have some ice cream with a friend, watch your favorite romantic movie, start a book with your own story, write, journal. Whatever it takes! Never give up and never believe the things you were told you are or will be! You are so much more worth everything to God and you are worth a life of love in this world. Keep Going! During the seven years, while I was going through being in & out of psychiatric hospitals, I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted my life to look like. I knew what I didn’t want it to look like. I’ve made some terrible mistakes along the way, that I'm very ashamed of, and I do have regrets, but overall, I’m proud of where I am (especially considering where I came from). Psalm 90:12 “Teach us to number our days so that we may gain a heart of wisdom”  I’m a stay at home mom of 2 girls living on one income in an apartment that is a bit smaller than I’d like. With or without my past of childhood abuse, there are days I need to make me a priority! Figure out what makes you happy and what helps you to relax and incorporate those things into a REGULAR SELF CARE ROUTINE! I mean it. Regular. Even if it’s just 30 minutes to yourself once a week, do it! Sure, God will place many things in your path to help you up, but nobody but YOU can decide, how & when it’s time to be rescued. There will not be a fairy tale prince or princess, or a fairy godmother around to come & rescue you. There may be people who will come & go in your life and hold those roles for a slight time, but only you have to make the decision wheather or not to take, learn, & put into practice, what they give you and keep pushing forward. I know it's easier said than done. I know exactly how you feel! I myself have said the same thing multiple times! I didn't ever think this long dark path was ever going to end! I literally couldn't imagine myself years back, seeing myself where I am today! Now I will tell you, it is unfair to put the pressure on your spouse or partner to continue to be your only source of happiness. My husband and I both come from abusive backgrounds, so I think we understand this better than some people. Had my husband come from an entirely/mostly healthy and happy childhood, he more than likely wouldn't understand at all what I have been through. We wouldn't have the connection & bond that we have today. Here's an important fact to remember. Never stop telling your story! If the first person doesn’t listen, tell somebody else. If they don’t listen, tell somebody else. If they don’t listen, call a hotline, go to your pastor, go to your church, go to your trusted friends, go to your local mental health organizations, go to support groups! Never stop telling people until you’re listened to! Somebody will eventually listen! By sharing your story with others around you, you're not only making yourself heard but you're amazingly enough, giving that friend, church member, colleague, support group the inspiration & hope they need to open up & tell their story. By doing that, it shows others just how strong you are & you're making a difference in the lives of others, all around you whether you know it or not! Before you know it, lives all around the world will be changed by your courageous fight to keep going! The more & more you open up, the more comfortable & peaceful you will be. When you hide something so traumatic & deep, that has been done to you, you’re shaming yourself and hiding pieces of you. By doing this, you are unable to show people all of yourself. Speaking up also helps you develop strength, & peace within. You’ll often find other friends and peers have been through similar traumas (it’s unfortunate how many people I have met in my short life that have had stories similar to mine). When I began really sharing my story, my husband & I had only been married a short time. He was the very first one to know, other than of course the obvious. I did however finally told my adopted mother when I was still in high school. But of course she pretty much tried to make it look like it was my fault. After all that, I had suspicions to believe that everybody around me had known. As I got a little older, more rumors of the abuse from those traumatic events of abuse that occured at home got back to me. Growing up, I had been manipulated as a young girl and slowly began distancing myself from family members. Due to having a very strong urgency of opening up & in turn suffering the consequences of it all. Holding in such deep dark secrets and sheltered painful experiences, are where troubles have a strong breeding ground! That’s why I have been working so hard to come out of the darkness that has surrounded me my whole life. I have no idea if anything I’ve said & sharing my story, will be helpful, but I pray it will be. Being a victim of abuse is the most inhumane way to live! It's very destructive & traumatizing to a person's life! But so unbelievably common in our world today. I pray wherever you are, that you get the help you so very much need. Please, reach out to those around you and be a walking testimony! There is hope! I promise you! As long as you’re here, there is hope. Never give up! Never ever give up! Take it from me, let it make you stronger, don’t let it defeat you! I am sending Love, hope, & support to all who read this. Please feel free to reach out to me on social media. I’m also on an blogging app called "feedr", you can download in the Google play store for free! I'm on here, & facebook. HMU <<<(Hit Me Up) & I will be more than happy to give you any support & advice you need!

My Story isn't Over Yet! Part 1 I couldn't go on anymore! I felt I had reached the end of my road! I'm sitting here all alone wondering where it all went wrong. 37 years old and I had simply felt so Worthless, hopeless, & Totally fed up with life! I didn't see the point in living anymore! Why did I still continue to try, when everything I thought I had tried got me Absolutely No where!! Everyday of my life, I was trapped in a nightmare, I couldn't wake up from! I struggled to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I had no hope, I just didn't care anymore! Why you ask? Well, the last 37 years of my life have been absolute hell here on earth! I felt I didn't have anything left inside. I prayed for death everyday to be at peace and be Completely free of this mental torture each & every waking hour. "You're not worthy", " you're a failure", you can't do anything right", "just end your life & there won't be anymore pain or suffering.", that deep inner voice says there are so many people worse off. People are killed on a daily basis, but I had wished that was me! Where did it all go wrong? The last 37 years have flown by and I have very few happy memories. How sad & pathetic is that? Was it my dysfunctional, tormented childhood? Your parents are supposed to nurture you, to hug you and tell you that you're loved. I do not recall ever once being hugged by either one of my adopted parents. Ever! I can't even recall ever being told that I was loved or wanted. I feel as if I was a mistake! I can't even recall one display of affection throughout my childhood! I was sexually, mentally, physically, mentally & verbally abused, everyday of my childhood from the time I was 6 yrs old, up until I was 19 yrs old. All the emotional, mental, & physical pain & scars were also inflicted by the emotional abuse I had to endure everyday that are still to this day, emotionally & mentally painful. Is that why I still to this day, have problems in friendships & relationships?  With men in general! Why do I struggle with authority? Mom's & Dad's are supposed to cherish their daughters. Instead mine despised me and constantly Sexually abused me, Physically abused me, mentally abused me, criticised me, and put me down and made me feel like I was a piece of shit! I know it was because I was a mistake from my biological mother. Every night, I layed in my bed I was scared for my life, fearing my adopted dad would come in & beat me, & take advantage of me for no reason. I felt I was his punching bag & play toy. I Absolutely despise & hate him for making me unimaginable sexual things to him, for forcefully doing inhumane things to me, for Physically abusing me to the point of almost trying to kill me when I was 7 years old! This went on, day in & day out! 👿👿 No child should ever have to go through that!! There was one day I called the cops & they came to my house & asked me if I was ok. I said "ya" & they said "are you sure?" & I said "ya". I wanted So Bad to tell them what my adopted dad was doing to me & my brother but my adopted dad was standing right there beside me. I was Scared for my life! I just told the police, I accidentally called them. Fearing if I told them the truth, I would get another Severe beating! It hurt that my other older brother got all the love, praise, & attention from my adopted parents. In their eyes, he couldn't do no wrong! He was considered the perfect child. That hurt Really bad! I felt like the scum of the earth! Mothers are meant to protect their children! Mine just added to the constant name calling, daily put-me downs, critization. She  was a Severe alcoholic and just let my adopted dad physically abuse me & my biological brother. They fought constantly! I was living in what was a very toxic environment to grow up in. In addition to fighting with me and my adopted mother, my adopted father managed to alienate our entire family by packing up all his stuff & up & left for several weeks, not telling anyone where he was going. I remember seeing & hearing my adopted mom cry everyday. I prayed everyday for him to stay gone so I wouldn't have to endure such horror & torment for one more day! So, to this day I haven't seen & Don't EVER plan on seeing my adopted parents, & never will! This may sound harsh but in all honesty, I can't wait till the day they are gone from this Earth! I feel that's the only way I will finally find peace! I couldn't wait to leave home! I got married at 19 yrs old. I did very well in school! I was offered to go to a technical college to study to be a medical assistant. For 15 months, I did all the required hours. I even certified in several areas & got several certificates, including being on the honor roll. Although I struggled those 15 months, having to take care of my two very young girls, keep the house clean, cook breakfast, lunch, & dinner, keep up with the laundry, take care of the animals, plus trying to keep up with my school work. The final straw was when my husband didn't want to help out around the house! His excuse was, "he was too tired after working 8 hrs on his feet at a prison." We fought like cats & dogs all the time cause I would bitch & grip that I needed help around the house! I just had too much on my plate! I did everything by myself & I just couldn't handle it. But I some how managed to get through those agonizing 15 months of college & doing my externship. Once again, Tragedy struck again! I had almost finished what I had worked & strived so hard for! Two weeks before graduation, I snapped & tried killing myself & that landed me up in the Looney bin, all because everything I was going through, was just too much! It was just too much to handle! I lost Everything I had worked so hard for! After that, things have severely went down the shitter since then, & I haven't been the same since! That same year I saw the mental health psychologist for the first time for my Major depression, PTSD, & anxiety that was to plague me for the rest of my life! I was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder, PTSD, Social anxiety, & Borderline line personality disorder. The next few chapters of my life haven't exactly been no happier. My marriage started to fall apart after that dark, & dreary day. I tried pulling myself together by trying to start over, by getting back into the workforce. So In my late twenties, I went to work at a prison to be a food service supervisor. But I have the endless horrible habit of hitting the self-destruct button whenever things aren't going so good. I tend to always self sabotage myself. This applies to my relationships as well. I am trying to figure out why this is. In my early 30's, I decided I had, had enough of friends & family's fits and arguments! Once again, I tried everything I could to take my own life. Frustrated at the thought that every time I tried, I couldn't even do that right! So once again, I got put back in the Looney bin. I absolutely hated it! I felt & was treated like a prisoner that committed a horrible crime! My freedom was completely taken away! So what did I do, I pretended like I was getting better just so I could have the chains taken off of me, so they would release me, & I I could have my freedom back. Its nothing like being locked away, with no freedom to do anything & being taken away from your kids, family, & friends as if you are a hardened criminal! Shortly after my release & I returned home, we moved to a what we thought was a nice house & neighborhood, until we quickly learned that it wasn't . The house & neighborhood we had chosen had so many down falls. The only heat & air conditioning we had was in the living room & dining room. The winter & summer months were brutal. The back bedrooms were Extremely cold in the winter, & Extremely hot in the summer! We had to sleep in either the living room or the dining room to stay warm & cool. The fuse box was older than dirt! Every time we turned around the dam fuse box would blow a fuse & we kept having to flip the fuse box. The landlord was so cheap, she refused to call an electrician to come out & fix it! I'm surprised that house didn't catch on fire! We put up with it for 4 yrs cause we just couldn't afford to move, due to my husbands job loss. We only had my income & that was my disability. Well, I finally got fed up with it & applied for section 8 HUD housing. For a two bedroom apartment, we were 17th on the list & it didn't take but a few months, when we got the call that an apartment opened up. So we jumped on it & finalized the paperwork, packed up immediately & left that hell hold, to once again start fresh to thrive in a new environment. We have been here at our new apartment for almost 2 yrs, our girls have made quite a bit of new friends, we are very close by a park, walking path, shopping mall, bowling alley, & QT. In the year & a half we have been here, we have had some problems with our apartment but, the landlord is pretty good about taking care of the problems. She's about 95% better than our last landlord we had. So, now it's just my husband, my girls, & me and my emotional support dog. Within the year & a half we have been here, a couple times my marriage fell apart. Once for 4 months, & another time for 2 months. Within the 18 years my husband & I have been married, he has always tooken advantage of my & my girls love. He was verbally, emotionally, & physically abusive towards me & my girls! 😥 I felt as if I was reliving my childhood all over again! It caused me to get Very depressed & suicidal. The abuse against my girls & I, was just too much weight to bare! I was so depressed, I didn't have one ounce of a back bone in my body to stand up to him & say, enough is enough! I was in fear of him & had to walk on egg shells. I was treated as if nothing I did was good enough! Our crumbling marriage was in shambles, it started affecting my girl's behavior & their grades at school. I couldn't understand why I was so blind, when it was right there all along staring me straight in the face!! I wasn't strong enough in my mental illness to see it or do anything about it until my best friend helped put things into perspective. Only then I was able to finally take off the blinders & see things clearly for what they really were. So finally, shortly after Thanksgiving of last year I got up the Courage, & strength to finally put my foot down & say enough is enough!! I separated from my husband for 4 months & went & lived with my best friend & her husband. During those 4 months, my husband & I tried working things out but, I couldn't believe a single word that came out of his mouth. I had heard the same things over & over again for 18 yrs!! What makes what he was saying then, any different?  I became so broken & depressed, I blamed myself for everything. I lost all hope & resorted into starving myself for 4 months straight! I felt I needed to punish myself cause at that point, I felt that's the only thing I had control over! My life was in Shambles!! After starving myself for those Long 4 months, I became so sick & weak due to the tremendous weight I had lost! My best friend couldn't just stand by & watch me slowly deteriate! My Best Friend couldn't stand by one more day, watching me waste away! She tried talking to me till she was blue in the face! Nothing was sinking in!! I was so overcome with no hope whatsoever & was extremely depressed! She threatened me many times that she was gonna put me back in the hospital! With my life already in Shambles, that's the last thing I wanted, was to be locked away like a hardened criminal! She got so overwhelmed because she wasn't reaching me after everything she said & did! She tried everything to get me involved in getting back into doing my daily devotions with her every morning. Now I'm not gonna lie, at first I didn't want anything to do with it! I was so angry with God! Everything she had read from the Bible or her daily devotions, I just let everything go in one ear & out the other! As the days & weeks of my best friend consistently reading her morning daily devotions & spending time reading God's word aloud, I can't explain it but I literally heard the Lord's voice in my head, speaking to me through his word! Amazingly enough, that's when I thought things were starting to turn around for me! I started to slowly have Hope & Peace again! I saw & felt my depression getting better. I started to slowly eat again, laugh again, pray again, & reading the bible again. I felt myself getting stronger, & finally being able to make the right decisions & choices on what the Lord wanted me to do, I felt the right choice was to move back home. Just when I thought my life was turning around for the better, Tragedy struck again! My husband & I separated for the second time! The beginning of March of 2018, things in my marriage got pretty rocky between my husband & I. We were fighting a lot, his anger was getting out of control! The very day of March 17, 2018, Saint Patrick's day of all days, things took a turn for the worse! I will never forget the Tragic day, my husband put his hands on my oldest daughter out of anger! That's where I drew the line! When it comes to my kids, nobody puts their hands on them! I got So Angry, I kicked him out & didn't let him see my girls for quite a while. I was done with him, I tried everything in my power to get a restraining order on him, I reported him to DCF, I tried filing for divorce. Nothing was working in my favor! As their mother I was doing what I thought was in their best interest by keeping them in a safe, stress free environment! During those 2 months my husband and I were separated, my husband had been living with some friends of ours. As those 2 months passed by, the Lord evidently had another plan for our marriage. The Lord saw that our marriage was on the brink of disaster! He wasn't finished with us yet, he had a perfect plan! He saw this coming even before we did! Now, I don't really believe in miracles but let me tell you what, within those 2 months, the Lord really turned my husband's life around! I saw a major difference & change in my husband, I had never seen in the 17 yrs we have been married, & the 19 yrs we have been together. As of May 3rd 2018, he is a changed man! He has really come a long way! He is now the husband & father God wants him to be!