(18+)
What has my life become All this confusion Tossed into a labyrinth Tunnels are endless The way to you is looking slim I don't think I can do this What the fuck is happening I'm doing my best, doing whatever it takes Since you have been gone it's like the world has changed People really do suck, they are fucking sick The cruelty I've seen, I can't stomach it, the games played Lies and betrayal are what gets me I fuck up all the time but at least I have integrity If asked of me, I do my best with honesty And yet here I sit, as a stranger lies in my bed Don't trust him enough to even think I might get a wink Any sort of sleep But at least At least I'm not as lonely I'm getting used to the 'auto pilot' Needing someone else to commandeer I know I shouldn't allow this To have him here Near my home But in this quest for answers I seek Even knowing the truth, even being so weak I still have to know more I need to have someone reveal some sort of proof That the feelings I feel Have validity, that it's real And I feel that I am being bitch slapped Straight lied to It's out of control This isn't my life anymore Hasn't been since you left I have no one I can turn to To just be there No one is you.... I talk to people sure But to them I'm made to seem like I'm paranoid Or just drug induced So yeah I do It gets me through... But that's irrelevant It's not the reason Why I observe what I do To keep my mind occupied, I continue to use It helps me not drown completely In the tears that have formed around me Surrounding me You. .... I know I'm not crazy But it's driving me insane here lately Because I've lost the fight in me The part of me that should just tell this boy Controlling my life and using my emotions against me Laughing at me, psycho analyzing me At how I am fucking allowing this I should be able to tell him FUCK OFF Just be a CUNT....END OF STORY At times I feel my life could be in danger Because honestly this boy is nothing but a stranger And now I raise my daughter Not fully focused or on point as I should be as her mother Peace was all I wanted when I came here And hell is where I ended up it's clear I need you I need honest I need someone to hear And really understand that I'm fucked up Feeling my end is near I know I can never see you until it's my time So maybe I should get some sleep And be with you when I close my eyes In my dreams, away from the evil The Mind Fuckers Should have paid more attention Guess I never understood what it meant to listen Until now And it's now That I vow That I will always trust my gut Just like I knew that I should When the first feeling came That woman's intuition ©shantilly