Doesn't mean I'm insane
I was first one to make prayers
I was the one to take vows
Best times were spinning
I was singing with the crowd
Best times were spinning
Somewhere around
I tried my best like the rest
Was lulled by faith in my chest
They said it all for the best
If someone’s gone, there’s no grief
If they were good, they’re gone on wings
I stumbled back with my wounds.
And the pain, and the the rage
Made me ask for His help.
Time was slipping through my veins.
Golden-dark face on the painting
Just looked at me and waited
So I had to go away.
And I thought that was that not enough I’ve prayed,
So I cured myself, letting go my shame.
Growing up on the battlefield
I held on my shields
I had faith, hidden in my chest.
On the last road home there walked a woman
And strode with me the long, long paths
I feared her beauty, Irresistable passion
My diamond in dust, my drug
People crowded, all to a light
Like there was nothing else in dark
She was there for them, walking hope, Elen.
And I called her mine.
Till that last time of ours.
Till that last of her times.
I stambled back, kneeling with my hollow,
Pain-stained half-mad soul.
I came back to the last refuge
To beg the Lord to comfort me.
The golden-dark face on the painting
Just looked at me and coldly waited
The image waited
As I prayed.
I prayed on knees till dusk and dawn
I cried till I just could no more
I begged with all the words I had
The painting looked as I go mad.
“Elen” I said
And echo murmured dear name
“God”
And it returned with solemn coldness
The echo sounded more like “none”
I walked away
From house of gold and smoke that day.
I take the road
With shameless smile on my face
I’m non-believer.
I carry Her name as my bane.
I cursed the god
And that doesn’t mean I’m insane.
2020-06-09 15:43:29
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