(18+)
I thought to myself, "This is crazy!" "Absolute insanity!" I had become delusional, obviously, I just had to be, You see, unfortunately, I have an absurd tendency, To allow my heart to feel too much, Too quickly, Foolishly consumed with naivety, You'd think I'd caught on by now, To not let a moment or two, Get the best of me. But I knew that this time, I had lost all credibility, No ground to stand on, I couldn't argue the fact that I had fallen, Over the moon, (Yeah, I know, I can't get it to make sense to me, too), Stupidly, in love with you, Silly I know, but I did, It's true, I do. I thought to myself, "Too soon!" Even I could agree that much to be true, For how could anyone possibly feel so damn much? So fast, so sudden? So little time spent? How could this be love? But it was, You was enough! I can't recall when it happened, When it crossed my mind, That you were it, The one I wanted to hold my hand, Hold my heart, for a really long time, Giving in to those feelings, That seemed to just keep repeating, Revealing, over and over, Until finally, I did it! Threw my hands in the air, And smiled that grin from ear to ear, It's been the only time I've known, for me, To be undeniably carefree, Simple and serene, But the biggest mistake I ever made, Was keeping it bottled up inside of me, Afraid to reveal anything I felt, And now I'm paying for it, This is my hell. I thought to myself, "I failed." By not telling you, The moment I knew, Instead of fighting it, I should have just let it happen. I was just scared to open up, In fear of getting hurt, But I couldn't fight against, The obvious, the evident, It wasn't just lust, This was it.....!!! But I should have known it would come.... Yep, There it was, God's punishment. I'll never know for what.... Never know just what I did, To lose the one I actually, Pictured with, futuristically with, And not flinch. I loved you more than ever, More than I ever thought one could, I hope you heard me every time, That I tried to tell you, by the look in my eyes, Or did you even have a clue? Did you pay attention that night? I fell more in love with you, No matter how I tried to fight, But it was clear to me, You were more than just my friend, You were my "meant to be" But it was too late.... How I didn't get to say, Or get to explain, How I felt about you, How my heart had changed.... The moment I lost you, I lost my strength, Now I'm forced to carry this hurt, And it's getting heavy, I'm growing weak. The last time we said goodnight, I regret so much, Because I feel as though I didn't do enough, I should have done enough.... I shouldn't have went home, I should have given you a longer hug, I should have never gotten out of that truck.... I hate how I was on top of the world as you told me, "I'll wait until you get inside before I leave", And then, driving away..... Fuck! It's always that day, Never thought that would be the last moment..... I'd ever see your face! And after you told me you'd be right back.... The last words... A message.... That was the last.... That phone call changed my life..... That phone call... Has been leading me, To the Ocean of Tears.... The Shore is coming into view..... But I'm still here.... Alone, hurting, Nothing seems to bring you back, Nothing seems to fucking bring ME back!!! What the fuck happened to me?! What did you do?? I need ME.... I need YOU!!!! © ©shantilly