(18+)
I just need my friend back, If You are the real deal.... You would have him, right? Well I need him back!! Please!!! He was the only person that could ever, Render me, completely! I'm still in wonder! Entranced by everything that he ever said, Or had ever done, Captivated, Motivated, Speechless, My heart, Wonderfully reckless!! He gave me the will to surrender, Give up the worst side of me, That was dirty, that was killing me.... He was the light that made me see! HE was able to make me believe! He made me want to become a better version of me! For my life, for my kids.... I never even wanted to accept love, Or even so much as embrace it! I had come to hate it! Chased it away if it got too close to me... Until it hit me, Hard as this love did.... Punched me right in the feels, A pounding nervousness, Felt it in every kiss, Never knew how much I needed him... How much I loved him.... Until You took him from me!! Suddenly.... Unexpectedly.... I cursed Your name, I Hated You, Hated Your existence, Even more than I ever thought I did.... How could You allow this? How is this a good thing? The amount of torture such as this..... This isn't Your thing.... Why? When? Did you trade places with Evil, Was nobody going to tell ME??!! Where did I go wrong? How did I fuck up? I Swear, I will repent all of my sins, If I could just come up.. Apologetically, Immensely, beg You for forgiveness, Beg You, until there is nothing left of me... Try to understand, That I'm nothing without my friend.... I can't wrap my fucking head around this! My only hope in getting through another year, Is believing in the hope that You can help me, If ever You should have the chance to 'save me', Your chance is here.... Nothing in my life Will ever be the same! My heart will never be repaired! My soul is eternally grateful, If I haven't expressed that yet, That I had a chance to meet One of Your Angels.... But I gave up, I've lost hope, I lost myself.... And now look at me, Now I'm talking to You, The Holy Ghost! I just need him! Can I have him back? Because I can't imagine, Or fathom the idea, To be able to exist, In Your World, And not think about him... This person I fear This person I'm dreadfully starting to hate, Is becoming more real, With every passing day. My world is now a deadly tornado, Everything is out of control, Where I end up next, Is sure to be the last place I'll be thrown. I just want my friend back, The only one who even cared at all. Showed me a real soul, What it was, We were starting to get there, That place where, Everything good existed, And then..... Then something forced Your hand, To bring him next to You to stand. I can't wait for the moment when, I get to finally feel him next to me again. Skin to skin, To breath him in. That time can't come soon enough.... Sitting here pissed off at the world, That You created...WHY? Do You take pleasure in all of this? I miss him so fucking much! He was everything to me! My everything is gone! It makes me so damn mad! I no longer have, The strength, Courage, Everything I had felt when I was with him, Vanished! On the day he left, The day You took everything from me, The only shred of hope I held onto, When I felt I had nothing, He was the only one who wasn't leaving me, When everyone else was going.... He was bringing me back, From a life that was faltering, A life that was sad, All but forgotten... And now, He's gone! Because of You! Where am I? Where do I go? What do I do? My children don't deserve to see me like I am, They need to see me as a Mom, A Mom who is strong, Who knows how to get through, I'd be in a different place altogether, If it wasn't for their need for me to carry on... While he was bringing back the Mother they once knew, That they wanted, Had needed for far too long, And for a moment they had her, Here You come along, To take the joy I had been given, Taken right back from me! I still don't have a damn reason....WHY?! Why did You have to take the one person, That felt like a link, That completed this messed up, Puzzle of Life, The life You apparently, Evidently, Had destined for me.... Because why do I feel like I'm in a constant dream, Existing only just to grasp onto a memory? Not really sure where I belong in this reality? Without him.... I need You to guide me, Back to where it felt like my life had just begun, When it felt brand new, When I wasn't thinking of the next bad thing to happen... If You can do this for me, I'll make this promise to You: I'll promise never again to allow myself, To drown in my sorrows, Or surround my heart in the pits of Hell.... I'll promise to be stronger than I've ever had to be, I'll promise anything! Are you listening?! I need You to light the way for me, I'm sick and tired, I want to give up, You aren't supposed to let me! Enough is enough! This hurts too much! I can't do this alone.... These tears keep blurring my vision, And my vision is slowly depleting, So I will make You my rhyme... Since You took away my reason.... You will be a God that I will pray to, That is something You probably thought, To be something I would never do, So if I'm willing to make a change of heart, To believe in something unknown, Then tell me... Will You do Your part? Just this once!? I'll keep it hush hush! Will you fix this mistake? This utter tragedy? But if You can't, Or won't, bring him back to me, Then why should I pray to You, When I lay me down to sleep? What's the fucking use?! If he isn't here with me? ©shantilly