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The Things You Learn
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My sister just told me about this. I had no idea... so I wrote about it and posted it on Vent. She doesn't remember what my dad said while they were in the shed the other night, all she could remember was asking him, "Wait, you knew?" Then he told her all of this...
I just learned this bit of information today and it made me cry tears of joy.
When I was 3, I got in trouble for something. I asked my stepdad, "Will I be okay?" That little phrase has stuck in his mind ever since that day and he knew from that moment on that I was going to be different. He never thought that I'd be different in a bad way, just that i wouldn't be like my two sisters. He just knew, deep inside, I would grow up to have some type of depression. He couldn't gauge when or how bad it would be, he just knew.
About 5 years ago, there was something about me that was different in a way and he picked up on it. He noticed the little things I'd say and he just knew that I liked girls. He was okay with it. No one said a word to him, he just knew. He knew before I even realized it myself. He didn't know how to explain how he knew or what specific things I said, he just knew. And he was completely okay with it. He saw something like this coming light years before it happened.
My life has never been like scenes from a movie, yet I feel like this one is. He's known things about me my whole life and I had no idea. He never said anything about any of it to me because he was okay with it and he didn't want me to think it was wrong to feel the way I do. I have a newfound love and respect for the man that has raised me since I was 2. I've taken him for granted this whole time without even knowing it. I won't do that any more.
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Funny (ish)
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There is always something to smile about. Find it!
Be your own sunshine. Unless you live in the deepest depths of the ocean, then don't. You will be eaten.
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Ghost
Why is it that I feel as if I'm a stranger in my own body?
I take my pills,
I do the routines,
I ignore the thoughts,
I keep the blades away.
What more do I have to do?
What more do they want from me?
Please... just let me be!
They hate the pills,
They hate the routines,
They feed the thoughts,
They chant for the blades.
I'm no longer a young girl,
No longer an innocent child.
The pills only keep them at bay.
Yet they still screech,
Wanting to play.
Why is it that I feel as if I'm a ghost in my own body?
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The Scars We Share
Yes, I have scars on my body. Yes, I feel broken inside. No, that doesn't mean that I can't be loved. Everyone has scars. Yours may not be on your skin, but we all have emotional scars. We all have been hurt by someone, but sometimes some of us can't come back from it. Sometimes we stay broken and we can't be fixed. My scars may tell the story of my past, but they do not dictate my future. They show me of a time when I was at my weakest, but remind me that today I am stronger than I was when they were fresh and bleeding. They show me, the more they fade, the stronger I become. My scars are my stories, my demons. I will always have to battle my demons, but I will never stop wearing my scars like wings. They push me to do better, to become stronger. My scars are there, not because I was weak, but because I was trying to stay strong for far too long. Many can relate to this. You may not have any physically visible scars, but these are the scars we share. The scars that push us to be the best us we can. The ones that make us who we are today. These are the scars we share.
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Smile
Simply smile through the tears
Then everything will disappear.
Put the mask back on.
Just lead them on.
They don't need to know.
They'll let it go.
So you can wallow in your pain.
But you know you can take it away.
The rope is there.
The noose is fair.
Simply smile through the tears.
Then everything will disappear.
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