When I move on with my life finish college I'm not speaking to no one especially people who always put me down. Says I'll never amount to anything. But I've always been call mean but in reality, I'm the nicest girl ever. never have I been mean to anyone unless I u have to.

Guess because I'm brutally honest I'm the bad person. Smh. Can't talk to anyone about what I'm feeling or want to get off my chest because they never want to hear what I have to say or just want to be nosey so they could tell other people my business.

Nobody would know how I'm feeling inside. Feels like I'm dying on the inside, crying, lonely and hurt. But on the outside I'm smiling helping others in need of help but what everyone can't realize who's going to help me? I

always wondered if my grandmother on my father hasn't called social services on my mother when I was a little girl and tried to take me away and if my mother hasn't stop messing around with my father after the breakup. Would he have been there for me like he does his other children? Would I have gotten to know my relatives on my father side instead of knowing only my mother side?

Nobody will know how lonely I will be. Or if I'm hurting because no one is trying to hear me because they don't care. I'm just that skinny 5'9 110 pounds, a 23-year-old girl. Who doesn't like to party every weekend or go to parties and drink or smoke?

I'm always that girl who in the house in her room always have to clean up behind a drunk who can't get himself together. And the girl who always reading books and writing. And always having to babysit someone else's kid.

When I told went to the doctor one time I told the doctor I felt like I wanted to die and would anyone care if I was gone. My mother looks at me and said to me "you don't feel like that don't say that" I said to her "but I do" .....

After that, I never said that again. Wish I could talk to someone but ain't nobody listening. Right now I have tears in my eyes while writing this I'm hurting I'm tired and sick of a lot of things. Smh I still get picked on and get called ugly skinny and weird behind my back, just because I'm the quiet girl who stays to herself and doesn't bother anybody.

When I go to parties I don't dance people assume I'm bored. If they see me sitting down they ask why am I sitting down go have fun. But they don't realize is I have scoliosis.

Where my spine isn't straight it curve in the middle people with scoliosis spine is either shaped like an S or a C mile is an S. It's hard to find a job because of my situation.

Nobody will understand me unless they have scoliosis. I have a learning disability but my family doesn't know that. They just think I'm stupid or dumb. Just because I don't know a lot of things. I know I'm not good at math but I damn sure can count my money.

Forget everyone who judges me, your opinion doesn't matter to me at all. But just remember what you say to me I'll forever remember it until the day I take my last breath. I hold grudges like no other. You hurt me I could hurt you in the worst way. If you push me to my limit.

The only thing I ever wanted was somebody to love and support me in whatever I do not judge everything I do. I'm tired of being single I feel like I'm never going to find that one guy that wants me for me. They either just want sex from me or want to change me.

I want kids one and a marriage not saying I want a marriage now but I do want kids. I will be having baby fever like a bitch. But I'm not the type of chick to just randomly talk to just any dude that steps to me. I'm picky about who I talk to.