You returned to the house in tears and closed the door with alarming attention and laziness, so as not to make a noise. Because of Daryl, you were ashamed of what you had done and gratefully went to the bathroom without being noticed. When you lowered the handle and tried to open the door, it was closed. You leaned your back against the wall, crossed your arms and tried to stop the tears of nervousness. You were tired of being attacked by Daryl Dixon for every damn shit. You were tired of being in love with this man. It had been a few days since you had really recognized your feelings for him and it was not a good sign that you already felt so bad. How could you have been so naive to have even fantasies that Daryl would one day realize that he felt the same for you? Yes, maybe you should have stopped being a constant victim of Daryl’s allegations. You weren’t worth enough for him… The click of the key in the lock distracted you from your musings and in a completely automatic gesture you tried to dry your cheeks and looked down as not to show your unfortunate condition. “Y/N!”, Michonne called as she left the bathroom. The embarrassment did not distract you any less, because it was she who talked to you after the little theater that you had arranged shortly before, but you continued to stare steadfastly at the ground. “Hey, Y/N…”, she tried again, placing one hand gently on your shoulder and using the other to make you raise your face to hers. “Michonne, I… I’m sorry…”, you said in a whisper. With difficulty your eyes met hers. She looked at you without answering and pulled her lips together in concern. “Come on.”, she said, pushing you into the bathroom and locking the door. She suggested refreshing your face and you accepted her advice: Cold water was a relief to your burning cheeks and aching eyes. Michonne handed you a towel and you sat with her on the edge of the tub. When you dried your face, you let out a sigh. “Is it better?”, she asked, smiling at you. You returned the smile and tried to appear as credible as possible. “Yeah, I’m feeling better, don’t worry.” She studied you and did not seem convinced at all. “What’s wrong with Daryl?”, she asked, sharpening her eyes. “I don’t know… But it’s not the first time he’s talked like that to me.”, you tried to calm her down and raised your eyes to the ceiling. As if the whole mess did not have the meaning that you actually attributed to the situation. “The fact that you have something that makes you scream, surprises me, as you barely talked to us in prison at the beginning…”, she said and made a face that should have been a smile. “Since then many things have changed, I have changed too…”

“I hope you haven’t changed too much…”, she whispered.

“What do you mean?”, you asked confused. Michonne did not answer right away and kept staring at you with concern.

“Listen, Y/N… I don’t want to play the role of the paranoid and overprotective good friend who wants to include you, but…-”, she sighed before continuing: “…-I can see how you’re looking at him.” Although you heart seemed to stop as she uttered this observation, you pretended not to understand who exactly she was referring to. “How do I look at who?”, you asked in the tone of a angel who has just fallen from heaven down to hell.

“Daryl Dixon.”, Michonne said dryly. You opened your eyes and went on with your own little and pathetic comedy. “I have no idea what you mean or what you are talking about.”, you said a little too loudly and without realizing it, you began to torture the fabric of the dress with your fingernails. But she only laughed at your bitter attempt. “Y/N, come on, I’ve seen you open up between us, inside the prison! I know you better than you think, just like Rick and Maggie and all of us, or do you want me not to see what you feel?”

“Michonne…”

“I can understand how you feel.”, she interrupted, putting a hand on your shoulder and looking directly into your eyes. “Do you believe all this because Daryl was the last person in our group to travel with you? I mean, you spent a lot of time together, you protected each other, it’s perfectly normal to have a connection between you. He is an extraordinary man, many of us wouldn’t be here without him, I admit, but… To be honest, and that is solely my own opinion, I believe that this man never had a relationship worth fighting for. And if he’d now, he’d break your heart terribly sooner or later anyway, Y/N.” Your heart started beating faster and faster in your chest after what she said. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”, you replied, looking down at the cold tiled floor. “Did you really think I felt bound to Daryl just because of that, because for a while I thought you were all dead?”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re in love with him.”

It seemed to me that Michonne wanted to reduce your feelings, as if you were too naive to understand certain things. “Anyway, I have not the slightest desire to even talk about it.”, you blurted out, crossing your arms over your chest and getting up. “He’s going to hurt you, Y/N, and he’s already doing it! Daryl will not see you the way you see him!”, Michonne added vehemently. “I know what I’m doing.”, you said flatly. “Not if he is the reason! You are one of the strongest people, but Daryl is and always will be an asshole, he has always been, even if he’s loyal and strong.”

“Stop it!”, you burst out in despair and whirled around. Michonne studied you for a few moments, pressed her lips together and looked at you with a cold look. “If you want I can talk to him.” You rolled your eyes, disbelieving at what she had just said. “What?” She waited a few moments before answering: “You heard me.” You stood and looked at her, spellbound and with your lips open; then, without breaking your anger, you released a laugh that should sound sarcastic. “And what would you say to Daryl? That I got a crush on him and he needs to stay away?” The disappointment and pain of discovering how she had behaved toward you had flowed out of you like poison. You had tried to forget that feeling, remove the grudge and focus on the fact that it was not important anymore, because in the end you were together. You only thought since the prison collapsed and escaping with Daryl was to find your whole family. She, who stared at you in shock, looked wide-eyed at you who would have felt less pain if you had had a slap in the face. It seemed that the words you had just spoken had robbed her of the ability to speak. Maybe because in the end you told the truth… Michonne looked down, did not speak to you, or looked at you; In this bathroom was now a depressing silence that you could not stand long. You approached the door, grabbed the handle and listened to the click in the lock. You were about to leave, but you stopped to say one last thing. “Just for the protocol…”, you said harshly and without looking back at her. “It’s mainly thanks to him that you can always claim to call me strong, admirable, or whatever, if Daryl hadn’t taken care of me to protect me and to look after me, I would now not be here anymore and couldn’t listen to you to stay away from him.” You did not add anything anymore: You left the bathroom, slamming the door behind you while your hands were shaking. You gave up on the plan to return to the heart of the party, to the rest of your family, but at least you managed to get four bottles of wine left in the box that had been placed under the stairs. So you sneaked into the kitchen and got you a bottle opener. Then you tried to sneak unnoticed through the back door, just to be alone somewhere. You looked at the moon reflecting on the water surface of the small lake and your dramas were the only company you now had while you were about to empty your first bottle. When it was finally empty, you leaned into the damp grass and opened the second, when suddenly a familiar voice spoke to you. “What are you doing here, Y/N?”, Aiden asked, coming up to you and sitting next to you. If only you had been clearer, his presence would probably have made you feel uncomfortable; Instead, you gave him a friendly smile. “I could ask you the same question.”, you said, taking another sip of wine. “I was looking for you to see how you are, I hope I did not do anything wrong.”, he said with a slight chuckle and pointed to the bottle in your hand. You watched him and smiled at him. Despite his inclination to show his interest in you by becoming too tender or persistent, Aiden wasn’t a bad man: In fact, it had finally been nice to spend time near him again. “Sure, you did not destroyed the party in a catastrophic way, as I did.”, you said, slipped away and directed your gaze to the dark surface of the pond. “It certainly wasn’t your fault.”, he consoled you and patted your cheek. “Actually…-”, he continued, but you did not let him finish. “If you say it was Daryl’s fault, you can go away and fuck the hell off.”, you murmured and suddenly turned to face him angrily. But Aiden looked at you and laughed. “Actually, I wanted to say that it was only my brother Spencer’s fault.”, he reassured you, making you feel like a complete idiot. “Shit…”, you mumbled embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry.”, he answered. You smiled at him and reached out the next bottle, which was still closed. “Peace?”, you offered. He grabbed the bottle and held his hand over yours for a moment. “Peace.” Silently you took more sips of wine and ignored your head, which began to spin and became considerably blurred. “Hey, are you alright?”, Aiden asked, shaking you out of your current apathy and you turned to him. “What? Yes…”, you answered in a low voice. “Are you still thinking about the party?”, he asked, taking a sip of the dark red liquid. “Yes…”, you just answered. This intoxication, though not overly strong, prevented you from lying. All your defenses were gone and you did not really think about the consequences of what you said. Maybe it was good that Aiden was with you and not Daryl, you thought in confusion. Who knows what a different mess it would have been otherwise. “Don’t think about it, Spencer really exaggerated this time.”

“It’s a shame that I have to apologize anyway.”, you murmured, rubbing your eyelids, which started to complain and everything began to slow down around me, as you both were taking the next bottle. “That’s not necessary.”, Aiden said and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed that he shrugged with his shoulders. “You don’t need to talk to him.”

“If it was really necessary for me, I wouldn’t talk to you anymore, but I have to be good at it.”, you mumbled, unfolding an amused smile. “Do you know what’s really funny? I should… I have to apologize to Daryl, too.” Aiden looked at you surprised by this statement: “Daryl? Why?”

“It’s kind of absurd, isn’t it? And yet I need to.”

“But why?”, he asked again quickly, but patiently and you shrugged. “I don’t know, he does not like being defended, at least not by me.”, you replied and if you had been clearer, you would have realized that you hadn’t expressed yourself or at least not quite clearly enough. In fact, Aiden continued to look at you perplexed. “Maybe he was so angry with my brother for letting it out on you?”, he speculated and put down the now empty bottle next to him. “I think I’m too tired to argue.”, you kinda shouted angrily and confusedly mixed your voice with several emotions. “It’s not my fault, it can’t be my fault, but this fucking asshole just leaves it to me!”, you added. “Hey, Y/N, please stay calm.”, Aiden said, wrapping his arms around you. “I’m sure he’s not really mad at you, I know you have nothing to do with it.” In a discomfort, you slid your head against his shoulder and complained, as if you had suddenly regressed your old age. “Dixon hates me. For sure.”

“What nonsense, it’s impossible to hate you, Y/N.”, he retorted.

“Not for him.”, you murmured, closing your eyes and enjoying the warmth of his embrace. And he pulled you a little closer to him. “I’m sure it’s not like that, and if it is, it means that Daryl Dixon is a fucking idiot.”, he said, trying to comfort you. You frowned and kept your eyes closed, for that comment bothered you, but you did not speak, just stayed with your head on his shoulder and let yourself go to a distorted snort that apparently interpreted Aiden as a sound of approval. He held on to you for a while, rocking slightly and brushing his lips over your forehead, almost as if he wanted you to fall asleep. And you really started to feel sleepy… You kept your eyes closed, letting your mind wander, blurred by the alcohol that presented itself to your conscience as confused and twisted memories. Many of them had Daryl as the protagonist or words he had addressed to you, or his gestures and situations in which you both were together.

The fight in front of the hut.

His vest.

His hand close to yours.

The hugs.

The days together that had changed everything, between you and with you.

“Why did you change your mind?” - “For you.”

Fragments of memories that followed each other in an unsteady fashion… You opened your eyes and hoped they would disappear with the knot in your throat. “I want to go home.”, you decided, straightening up and surprising Aiden with it. But it was not a brilliant idea, because when you were on your feet, you felt dizzy again. Aiden immediately came to your side to support you and laughed when he saw you under these conditions. “You’re beautiful, even when you’re drunk, do you know that?”, he whispered, but his voice sounded distant and distorted. His statement made you laugh and you thought about what you could have at that time and just an adjective and as an opposite of ‘pretty’ could describe you very well right now. “Then you have to be blind.”, you said, laughing nervously, this time as well, laughing without letting go, and at first it was the joy that seemed to enliven his face, but then something changed in his expression. He put his hand on your cheek and looked at you with an intensity that you did not miss despite the alcohol. “Y/N…”, he murmured and came closer. Your arms were heavy, lying gently on your hips and were not involved at all at the moment; You noticed that the touch of Aiden had no effect on you. Your heart did not beat fast, your breath was the same: You watched it, though indifferent, though a small part of you understood what would happen. As if you watch the scene as an external viewer and not as a protagonist… Slowly he leaned over and accompanied your face to his tender caress. And as his lips rested on yours, you paused to study what it felt like to be kissed after such a long time. You were so strangely apathetic and indifferent that you were unable to refuse, but still less to return that one-sided kiss. But when you realized that it had been his lips kissing you after months, after so much of the past and it wasn’t Daryl, you recovered immediately from this emotional fog. You grabbed his forearms, slowly moved away from his lips and looked down. Aiden sighed and leaned his forehead against your neck. “You can’t do it, right?”

You shook your head and gave him a nervous smile. “I’m sorry…”, you stammered. Aiden let you go and stooped to pick up the empty bottles and the bottle opener.

“You will not kill me for that, will you?”, he joked, trying to hide his disappointment. You smiled slightly, your feelings clouded and your head feeling heavy. “If you bring me home, no.”

Daryl Dixon’s PointOfView:

As soon as I was alone, I cursed every single cell of my body for agreeing to go to that damn party. I didn’t do it before, because the anger that had clouded my brain was so great that no other nonsense could come to my mind. Thinking with a clear mind, and after the cigarette had the task of relaxing my nerves, the thought that I might have exaggerated began to crop up. Not because of Spencer, but because of Y/N. I snorted and pushed the cigarette out on the porch floor, unpretentiously stretching my legs. I had a kind of tingling that was very similar to anger that plagued my stomach and I couldn’t sit still for a minute. At the same time, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to move a single muscle to get up. That bitch would drive me crazy someday. And I realized that I was the one who allowed me to boil the blood in my own veins. More than with her I should have been mad at me. Because that was it and only that, the truth: I couldn’t say no. No matter how annoying her requests were, I couldn’t because I still felt responsible for her; Besides, I had really feared I would never see her again after the ambush in the hut. I felt guilty about her disappearance and was shocked by what I would say to Rick and the others that I couldn’t protect her… But there was more to it than that. Another reason I tried to get as far as I am possible to stay away from her, something that annoyed me.

The fact that I could never see Y/N again scared me; Had we quarreled so hard at the time of the prison, I probably would have simply avoided her and reduced the conversation to the minimum necessary. If Y/N found out she had this unknown power over me, I’d be in a huge pile of shit. Keep pondering in this way gave me a disturbing desire to apologize.

“Fuck!”, I blurted out and lit another cigarette, indefinitely, but long enough, I often changed my mind about what to do: Her eyes came to my mind again, wet with tears with her hurt expression. Something in me shook my conscience, the only alternative would be to put the pride aside and apologize to her… I didn’t know how much time had passed or how far they were all with the party, so I decided that I’d be waiting for Y/N outside her house: Sooner or later she’d have to come back in. Before I changed my mind, I went straight there, impatient to get rid of those annoying thoughts, it would be the first and the last time, because then I regained control of myself, a slight grin spreading across my lips as I considered what Merle would say if that fucking bastard were still alive. That, and I was afraid to say, the natural way Y/N behaved towards me, displaced and confused my old self. She saw something good in me that I didn’t know myself. I ain’t like that damn asshole who called himself 'The Governor’ or other bastards we met on our way, but still: I wasn’t a good person. Not as much as she believed. And since I had admitted that there were still good people, her vision of me had just become even more distorted. She didn’t know what exactly had made me change my mind, but it had to do with her, definitely. So she had to stop being close to me: It would have been easier. For both of us. But that thought made me nervous and I felt some strange emotions when I remembered how I fled with her. I had to stay away from this path, otherwise it wouldn’t have gone well. She was beautiful, Y/N, internally and externally, but I couldn’t afford that our normal relationship would turn into a misunderstanding. It was too good for me while I ruined everything I touched. The fact that she didn’t cooperate and tried to defeat my defense just made things even more complicated.

I stopped for a second and stared at the emptiness in front of me as I realized what I was thinking and went straight on. A short time later arrived in front of her house: All lights were off and if she hadn’t already gone to bed, which I doubted, I assumed she was still at the party. For a moment I had the idea of ​​postponing everything to the next morning, so I sat down on the porch steps to avoid further thought and waited. If it had been someone else and not her, I would have gone to sleep too, but it annoyed me too much. So I pulled another cigarette out of the pack and smoked it without worrying too much about what I was going to say, to apologize: I was just going to improvise.

After not knowing how long, I saw her coming, staggering, supported by one of Deanna’s sons. Aiden. I convinced myself that it was time to understand that irritating sense of annoyance at the sight of his arm around Y/N’s shoulders.

“What the damn hell happened to her?”, I yelled at him.

“Calm down, Daryl. She just exaggerated with the alcohol!”, he hurried to justify and put his arm between me and himself as I stood in front of him, ignoring him and continuing to focus on Y/N.

“Y/N!”, I called her, putting my hand under her chin and raising her chin to look at her face, but she kept her eyes fixed on the ground. “Y/N, ya’ alright?”

“She’s fine!”, Aiden interjected.

“Ain’t talkin’ to ya’, asshole!”, I growled, glaring at him.

“Daryl, don’t yell.”, Y/N mumbled and put her hand on mine. I tried to ignore the thrill of this contact and she forced herself to look up. “It’s… I’m fine, I’m just… tired…”

“I think I will bring her to bed…”, Aiden protested coldly to increase the tension around us.

“Fuck off, ya’ won’t!”, I yelled at him again.

“Daryl…”, Y/N said weakly.

“Hey, are you her father, do I need your permission to talk to her?”, Aiden harshly replied.

“Her family’s dead, ya’ bastard! Have some respect 'nd don’t dare to talk 'bout 'em!”, I threatened, trying not to upset Y/N too much.

“Stop it… Daryl…”, she breathed, leaning against me. “It’s okay, Aiden… Thank you for helping me and for understanding… For listening to me…” she added. I didn’t know what she meant, so her words caught my curiosity, but I hadn’t asked any questions.

“Now I understand. It makes sense.”, Aiden mumbled suddenly, shifting his gaze from her to me. Although I still didn’t understand what they were referring to, I suddenly felt uncomfortable and tried to hide it by staring coldly at him.

“Good night Y/N.”, he added and I didn’t even look at him as he left.

“Can ya’ go on on yer own?”, I asked her, trying to look as thoughtful and patient as possible. I had to try to be kind at least on this occasion somehow. She nodded, but when we came to the steps, she moved away from me to sit down.

“Y/N?”, I called and knelt in front of her.

“I’m tired, Daryl.”, she said, frowning.

“That’s why I’m tryin’ to get ya’ into bed.”, I answered patiently. Y/N said nothing for a moment; Then, suddenly, her eyes widened, which were clearly glassy. At first I didn’t understand it, then I mentally repeated what I had said and I jerked awkwardly. “Fuck, I mean, I’ll pull ya’ to sleep!”, I said urgently so she understood better in her drunken state.

“Okay, okay…”, she murmured and closed her eyes again immodestly. “Indeed… Wait, no, leave me here.”

“Why should I?”

“Because you hate me.”

“Ain’t hatin’ ya’, Y/N.”

“But you are right. You were always right. I… I’m just a stupid bitch that… That never understood anything… That can’t do anything worthfully…”

I snorted and stood up briefly to stretch my knees, then sat down next to her on the porch and she turned to me, but as if she was only ashamed to look at me. I knew how much I had really exaggerated and just insulted her at the party for taking over my defense… I should have told her. But anyway: I was not that kind of person. I’ve never been good with words, with long speeches or with different sentiments; I preferred the facts, but the problem was that I couldn’t do anything concrete to make her understand that I knew I was a fucked-up asshole. I had to say something to her to remove those insecurities that had caused my words from her mind. I stretched my legs again, leaning on my elbows and staring at the ground for a while. Then I looked at Y/N, her eyes narrowed and she stared straight ahead. “Why are you here?”, she asked shortly afterwards, a little clearer than what she had said until a few minutes ago. But this apology was damn hard for me though only a few simple sentences would have to say: I was an asshole. I’m so sorry. Thank you for defending me.

I kept looking at her but couldn’t speak. Y/N, who after a while, and tired of waiting, hoping for my answer, sighed, moving to stand up as I helplessly looked into the void. She straightened on her legs, lost her balance and landed on me. Part of her body was pressed against mine, our temples touched and her scent fluttered around me as her hair brushed my cheek. I wasn’t used to having her so close to me… “It’s bad for you tonight, Dixon, I’m not enough… Of course…”, she mocked in her drunken state, putting her arm against my shoulder and collapsing against me. “I think you have to help me by force.”, she added with a laugh, then put her head against my shoulder.

“Helped ya’ before I dragged yer ass up the stairs.”, I grunted and turned to face her. She was silent for a few seconds; Then she raised her face to mine without warning. My eyes were fixed on her eyes. This woman was damn dangerous to me and my emotions, more than I was for her. She looked at me with those damn beautiful eyes and tortured me with only strength of her eyes. I didn’t understand what she was doing or what she really wanted: This situation alone, I knew, would do no good, nothing right.

“You’re an asshole, Daryl Dixon.”, she whispered, still staring at me with that unbearable look. I swallowed, my mouth was dry, but I could answer: “I know.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

For a brief second her eyes dropped to my lips and then flickered back to my eyes. She blushed and shivered. “Maybe you’re more than you think…”, she breathed in a broken whisper. I couldn’t move a single muscle, and since I couldn’t even escape, I hoped that Y/N wouldn’t make a mess. I was aware that what she had said hid so much else, but I had no intention of deepening my questions or thinking about them, because I was afraid of the conclusion I would get to… After a few seconds she breathed again and returned, at least with her face, to an acceptable distance and looked uneasily away. “Sorry.”, I mumbled quickly, drawing her attention back to me. I forced myself to look her in the eye. Although I used them as a pretext to stop them from trying out thoughtful gestures, I apologized sincerely. Of course I could have said more but I hoped she would understand that I was serious even with a simple word. Her lips twisted into a smile as her eyes gleamed in mine. She raised one arm, clasped it to mine and squatted against my chest, her head against my heart. “It doesn’t matter, Daryl, and I was too persistent, I’m sorry.”

Her warmth relaxed as I tried to get used to this closeness and loving gesture. I couldn’t decide what was more difficult for me, whether I felt affection or just received it. At the same time I couldn’t be as spontaneous as she was: I felt that I was doing something for which I should be ashamed.

“Maybe, but I can be a nice asshole if I really want.”, I admitted with a slight grin. She laughed with me as I struggled to seriously add: “What I told ya’… Didn’t mean it, yer ain’t like them, like those people in Alexandria.”

She looked at me and smiled. “So you didn’t change your mind about me?”

“Yes.”, I answered and wanted to add that I didn’t understand why she cared so much about it, but there was something that suggested that I would rather not know, so I avoided it. She sighed and moved closer to me. “Good thing.” But for this time it was too much. “C'mon, I’ll take ya’ upstairs,” I said, shaking her lightly and forcing her to get up, not without some resistance from her. We entered the house and only then did I realize that it was quite cold outside when I felt the warmth of her house surround me. She stumbled a bit so I helped her and put my arm around her waist as she fell on the sofa in the dim light of the living room, the next moment, with little grace. A snort escaped her lips, she lay down on her stomach and pressed her face against the pillow which dampened her voice as she mumbled something incomprehensible. “Then sleep here…”, I said, standing next to the sofa, watching her from above. “Yes…”, she said, curling up in a fetal position. Her eyelids flickered, a sign that she was already losing consciousness. But I didn’t say anything so as not to wake her up, so I turned and walked to the front door. “Daryl…”, she shouted after me weakly and let me freeze. I couldn’t see her face from there, so I didn’t know if she had her eyes open or not. “What?”, I asked and she was silent for a few seconds before answering: “Stay here… Just for a while, please…” My first impulse was to get out of this house and go to bed, to restore some distance between me and her. Instead, I turned and reached her. I sat on the floor, close to her. With her knees touching my back. “Thanks…”, she whispered and I could tell from her voice that she was smiling. Suddenly I felt her fingers brushing against my shoulders, rising from my neck to the back of my head and hugging each other in a gentle caress in my hair. I stiffened and tried not to notice the heavy shudder that ran down my back, so I gritted my teeth and cursed inside. After a few moments, I still prevented her from continuing with this kind of pleasant torture. I took her hand and brought her away from my neck. So as not to let her think I wanted to reject her, I turned around until I put my arm on the sofa and next to her knees and finally found her face in front of me. In the dark, barely lit by the light of the street lamp, which is penetrated by the windows, physical contact became easier for me. I let her warm hand disappear into mine and squeezed it. I couldn’t take my eyes off her relaxed expression and her lips twisted into a small smile. “Good night, Daryl Dixon.”, she mumbled, before she managed to fall into a deep sleep.