You tried it, in the following month, to feel at home in Alexandria: It was incredible, a lot more than you expected. The first night, you slept in the living room of the house that had been assigned to you. As much as you tried to rethink Aaron’s kindness and Deanna’s reassuring words, you couldn’t close your eyes. Every little noise made you nervous and you waited for the moment when someone would break through the door to attack you again. Also, being without a gun didn’t help you to be more calm. But nothing ever happened, not even the following week. For you it was very difficult to lower the guard after, opening your eyes in the morning meant to be on a constant alert, with the danger always lurking and with the hope of being able to stay alive at the end of the day. Besides, you missed your family. Knowing that they were maybe still out there while you were safe, made you drop a tear every night before falling asleep. You had tried to describe to Aaron and Eric the people from which your group was composed, one by one, to make sure that they were recognizable for your two new friends. In a month, they had been out of Alexandria’s gates some times, and they hadn’t brought news of them and hadn’t seen them. You even managed to take another photograph of you in front of Alexandria’s gates, so that Rick and the others didn’t think it was an trick to lure them into a trap.  To make sure that Aaron and Eric were taken seriously by your family, you had the idea to write something on the back of your photograph like the hints you always left outside of Alexandria’s walls.

❝I’m alive, I’m safe and I’m fine: the only thing I miss here is you. I wait for you all within the walls of Alexandria. I love you. Y/N❞

You closed the pen, hoping with all your strength that the photo, your words and those of Aaron were used to convince them that it wasn’t all a trick and that you were fine. The only way you could free your mind was the job you got from Deanna. You even spent more time with Aiden, who was still careful about your emotions after the last time you were with him. But it also happened again that you went to the Monroe’s house to have dinner with his family. It was a beautiful evening, even as Deanna, in a maternal way, welcomed you to dinner, drew a sense of emptiness in your stomach. You kind of spent a lot of time together, discussing what was the best way to reinforce the walls of Alexandria and where to find the right materials, studying the surroundings outside the safe zone on the maps at it’s disposal. You wanted to join Spencer and Aiden, but when you made the request, Deanna, even kindly, denied the permission, repeating that the community needed your presence in Alexandria to train the weak survivors. But staying within the walls meant not doing anything exciting for most of the time. Of course, you were grateful for the work that you had, but you felt slightly useless. Deanna knew that, she had arrived at the gates asking if she could kidnap you for a while.The questioning expression was permeated on your face until you both arrived in front of a garage where the children had school, and she greeted them with a smile, announcing: “From today on, every Friday, you’ll have a special lesson with Y/N, your new survival teacher.” You looked at her with wide eyes, while the few children which were present smiled enthusiastically.  “Why?”, you had managed to ask astonished. “In this community, we are forgetting the importance of survival outside these walls. I don’t want the children of today to become adults of tomorrow who don’t know with which weapon, or how they can defend themselves.”, she explained, as if it were the most obvious answer to give. “I’m really grateful, Deanna, but… without them, I…”, you whispered, your eyes filled with tears while thinking back how Rick taught you how to kill a Walker. She had put a hand on your shoulder as a gesture of comfort. “If you don’t feel like it, I can understand, but at least think about it. I don’t push you at all, Y/N, but I’m not the only one who needs to learn.”, she replied with a worried look, referring clearly to Eric and Aaron. For a second you thought that Aiden had also noticed your mood: After meeting you at the dinner that he had organized specifically for you, every excuse seemed to be good to talk to you or to spend time with you. He was a good man, but you still did not understand if he was looking for a friendship or something more… Or you pretended not to understand him; Several times you had reclined his invitations, lost as you were in your bad mood: You endured only the company of Aaron and Eric. “I’m fine.”, you said, lying shamelessly. “I just think I still need time, but I promise I’ll think about it to train the kids too.” Deanna smiled at you. “When you have made a decision, tell me, whatever it is.” That evening you reflected a lot on Deanna’s proposal, staring at the ceiling emptiness comfortably spread out on your bed. Whenever you thought of a valid reason to accept, fear made you take a step back; You didn’t know exactly what scared you or what made you believe you wouldn’t be able to. The sadness that caused you to be far from your family was preventing you from doing what you needed most, and you felt you had no means of changing that situation. You were a prisoner of your own mind.  Perhaps, if you tried to start again, to go to the following Wednesday you would have done it, you thought. And then, out of nowhere, like a flash in the clear summer sky, you remembered the candlelight and Daryl’s presence behind you, crying in silence. In your head you experienced that situation again, feeling a sense of relief in your heart; This was one of the emotions that caused you to think of him. You remembered Daryl’s eyes staring into yours as he settled into the little house and urged you to keep going: It was a look very similar to what you had exchanged in the woods, just before you parted. Intense, comfortable and difficult to interpret but still with a lot of fear, almost as much as the feelings that aroused you were anything that had to do with Daryl Dixon. His suggestion transcended the memory and came to your heart with a whole new sense: It was as if he had given you some advice that you should always follow him, in spite of everything. Whatever happened, even when he wouldn’t be there to protect you, you would have to keep going, because that was what you were doing, what you had always done: Go ahead and live, always. The following morning, you felt more disposed towards Deanna’s proposal: On the contrary, it gave you something new to take care of, a new goal, which for once had nothing to do with the routine of your job at Alexandria. Outside of the walls of the community it was as empty as it often was, so you had plenty of time to think about what you could make children learn, how to structure the lessons and how to find a compromise between the different ages of the kids. The embarrassment you felt when you showed up at Deanna’s door to convey your decision was obvious, especially to her. You were not sure if it was the right choice, but you were sure it was right to at least try. Deanna greeted the news enthusiastically, even giving you a proud look. You were beginning to believe that this woman really cared about making you an integral part of the community, regardless of whether you helped them out there or in there.After the lessons, Aaron had come to pick you up because that night you were invited to dinner at Eric’s; because they’ll go soon out there again to look for new people. “You did it to free yourself.”, he exclaimed, his hands tucked into his pockets. You grimaced annoyed, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know how many times I told myself I had to go on. I always found a new excuse.”, you complained, starting to walk beside him. Aaron laughed, ruffling your hair in an affectionate gesture. You snorted as you settled the mess on your head given to you by your friend. The next wednesday morning you opened your eyes early and you were even more pleased to have accepted the offer from Deanna. You tried to do everything slowly, so as to pass the time. You prepared breakfast and consumed it with feigned calm, wasting time reviewing the program you had prepared for the lesson as you sipped your coffee and crunched the biscuits prepared by Olivia. Instead of leaving the dishes in the sink as usual, you even washed them as soon as you had breakfast, then headed upstairs to choose the clothes to wear. You changed your mind two or three times, finally opting for simple dark pants paired with a long-sleeved dark shirt, between all the clothes that volunteers had given you. You felt you hadn’t dressed in the most appropriate way, perhaps because you didn’t resemble the teachers you had when you were at school, always dressed elegant and full-blown. For some reason you wanted to present yourself to the best of it, although you knew it wasn’t so important. The closer the lesson came, the more often your stomach writhed in painful pangs due to nervousness; It was nice, after a long time, to be nervous about something, kind of, normal, again. But it was good that it was the emotion that caused you to get stuck in your stomach, not fear or anguish. The largest door from the garage was closed so you slipped into the little door on one side of the structure. “Welcome, Y/N!”, the children said. “Good morning, kids…”, you murmured. “I hope I’m not too early." "You’re on time. Please come in!”, one of the kids exclaimed, inviting you with a wave of his hand. You felt all those eyes on you, intrigued but not really smiling. From there you started with the presentations and immediately tried to remember all the names and faces. You should have remembered them in order to better structure your lessons, in fact you marked all the names and ages in your notebook. Initially it was difficult to find the way to start the lesson, because you felt all the inexperience on your side, and this blocked you from time to time making you lose the thread of the speech or making you stumble over your own words while you spoke. But the children were so good and dear, that soon insecurity gave way to the desire to teach them how important survival was. You started from the basics, like Rick in the prison. You repeated the concepts a couple of times, and then ended the lesson by showing some melee weapons. You let yourself go to a sigh of relief, as if you had finally resumed breathing. You left the garage and immediately had a headache and you felt tired; The only thing you could think of was the moment when you would finally throw yourself on the couch and rest a while. Despite the exhaustion, however, you were happy with that experience. For a moment, you thought of going to Deanna to thank her, but you were not sure you could resist, since the pressing desire to rest didn’t leave you alone. You finally got home and, closing the door behind you and took off your boots and slid into the living room. The feeling that pervaded you when you sank between the soft cushions of the sofa was something commendable that you had not felt for a long time: It seemed to you to go back in time, when you were hanging out after a particularly tiring school day. You settled on your stomach, hugging the pillow and closing your eyes, letting go of a groan of satisfaction: You fell asleep immediately. You don’t know how long, but at a certain point something dragged you slowly out of sleep, even if you didn’t immediately realize what it was. It took two or three shots at the door to finally make me realize that someone was knocking. Your eyes narrowed for a moment, annoyed and without the slightest desire to get up. “Who is it?”, you asked, annoyed, and your voice thick with sleep and half-dampened by the pillow. “Hey Y/N, it’s Aaron and Eric!”, your friend exclaimed from behind the door. Immediately you didn’t realize that he had returned from one of his expeditions, dazed as you were from sleep. “Come in.”, you said in a louder voice, snorting and closing your eyes again, “It’s open.” You felt the door open and Aaron said something, with a strange euphoria in his voice. There was something odd about the way he was moving down the corridor, but you didn’t have enough strength to open your eyes to check. Stretching your ear and paying more attention to the frequency and noise of their steps, with some difficulty, you understood:

They both carried a backpack and weapons, ready to leave the safe area of ​​Alexandria. When you saw them, you frown. »Did I forget that we wanted to go out?«, you asked. Aaron answered you. »No, you didn’t forget anything, come with me.«

»Where to?«, you asked in surprise as you slipped into your boots. »Deanna has decided to recruit other survivors.«, Eric explained. »Other people?« The two nodded at the same time. »Yes, your arrival was one of the best things that happened in Alexandria, we want more people like you to join our community.« You wrinkled your nose annoyed. »You know how I think about it.«

»Yes, we know.«, Aaron answered. »But I’m convinced that in the end not everything is lost.« You sighed and realized it was useless to argue again. »I hope you’re right, I really hope so…«, you said, hugging both. »How long will you stay outside?«, you asked. »Not more than a month.«, Eric replied. »Even less, if the mission should go well.« The car they drove with was already full of supplies. They were ready to go. »Take care of yourself, please…«, you told them. »We will.«, Eric reassured you. »If something goes wrong, one of us will come back to tell you.« Then he turned to the companion sitting next to him and laid a hand on his knee. You admired this couple: They knew exactly what risks they are taking and yet they don’t lose heart. They stubbornly searched for the good in each one of us. They both looked at you one last time, then, when the gate was open, they started searching for one of the people still scattered all over the world fighting for survival… After completing the usual morning circuit around the walls of Alexandria, you returned home to remove the blood from a few Walkers you had shot on the east side, and then ran to the warehouse for groceries. Olivia beamed as usual, and you thanked her for giving you a quarter of a bar of chocolate. While you were on your way home, mentally checking your day’s obligations, you heard the unmistakable sound of the opened main gate. As a precaution, you decided to look what was going on and as you turned to the entrance, you remembered that Aaron and Eric had been traveling for over two weeks. Maybe it was them who returned from the recruiting round to open the gate, so you had one more reason to look. In the distance, in front of the open passage, you see a fairly large group of people entering; You remained calm about the fact that such a large group came to Alexandria, but accelerated your walk with the premonition that something would go wrong today. The glasses clinked in the basket and when you were close enough to see the faces of the newcomers, you did not see Aaron and Eric among them, but your heart felt like it would stop beating. The basket slipped from your hand and all the jars were broken on the ground, attracting the attention of the group members. How much did you miss this gesture… Overwhelmed by surprise and emotion, you started crying and ran towards them at the same time, your eyes flooded with tears that you could hardly see where you were going; Even so, you would always recognize the figure of Rick, and even he who finally recognized you ran at me in turn until you met him. He squeezed you tight and you let the tears run free. You screamed, not knowing what to say, while the others reached us. Michonne stroked your face and smiled as Carl, next to his father, held you both in his arms. Maggie and Glenn touched your arm, and then Carol came to kiss your forehead and whispered your name. Someone else repeated it, perhaps thinking that he would never hear you speak again in his life. »Please tell me that I don’t dream anymore…«, you pleaded between your sobs. You didn’t want to close your eyes and think that they wouldn’t be here when you opened them again. »It’s not a dream, Y/N.«, Michonne assured you with her warm and clear voice. Rick kissed your temples and tickled you with the beard that had grown beyond measure in recent months. »You don’t know how long we’ve been looking for you.«

»I also searched for you, I left traces and…« The shrill gate that was closing interrupted you and caught your attention. You turned to the entrance and for the second time your heart stopped. You let go of the man’s embrace, only to run towards the person who has just crossed Alexandria’s main gate. He dropped the crossbow to the ground and ran for you. »Daryl!«, you yelled. When you were in his arms, he grabbed you and picked you up, hugging you tightly and releasing a liberating scream. The next moment you both dropped to the floor and Daryl took your face in his hands and looked at you with a deeply moved expression. His fearless eyes, now completely without anger, have given way to feelings. He hid his tear-stained face in your throat as the sobs shook his chest. His hands clung to you, desperately seeking a contact that had never been so intense among you both. You returned the tight hug in the silence and smiled with your tear-streaked face. Today you found a part of yourself that you believed you lost forever… The others of your family have also reached you both and now you were involved in a big hug that you represented as the pulsing core.

Maggie herself, standing now next to you, was staring at you with wide eyes and lips spread in a trembling smile.  It took you a second to finish in their arms, your legs moved by themselves. She kept sobbing, hugging you. And you all also laughed, because it was impossible to free one emotion at the expense of another, in that embrace that you had thought you could no longer give. You were free to externalize everything. Happiness, relief, fear, it was mixed together and thrown out together with the tears that drenched your cheeks. Your grief was added, when you realized that this was the first time you could cry in peace, without holding back the pain. Over Maggie’s shoulder, you caught Rick’s touched look: Rick, who had become one of your closest friends and ally, now looked at you with the same paternal look. You felt like crying even louder. As Rick spoke to Deanna about staying here or not, Aaron handed the most of you all paper napkins he had picked up in your kitchen. The others still tightened around you, impatient to greet you over and over again: It was so nice to see their faces again after having hoped so much, that the feeling almost bewildered you. You hugged them one by one, and for you it was like finally coming back to life. Their looks were happy and you wouldn’t forget them for the rest of your days, along with the feeling of authentic happiness that you felt. Rick hugged you last, his face after the conversation with the leader of Alexandria serious, but his eyes lit by a joy that, in those last minutes, you had learned to recognize. “Y/N, thank God…”, he greeted you again with his voice soaked in relief, leaving a kiss on your forehead just before he moved away from you to give you Judith. You sniffed, laughing, while more tears began to flow. “Hey, Judith…”, you murmured to the little girl, brushing the tip of her nose. Then you stopped: There’s something missing, or rather, someone. In the euphoria of the moment that had clouded your sight, and looking at their faces as if they were something that was part of an indistinct totality, you had not noticed that in that row of faces, Daryl was missing again.

“Where’s Daryl now?”, you asked, widening your eyes with concern. “I think Deanna is finishing her interview with him right now.”, Rick confirmed, and you resumed breathing. In fact, a few moments later, you heard the front door open slowly and creak, followed by the sound of uncertain steps. You thought you saw him, looking around suspiciously, and you couldn’t resist again a second longer. You could finally see him again, he was alive, he was fine and he was finally safe, with you and everyone else. You saw him immediately, accompanied by Deanna. And he saw you. It was as if it had come out perfectly from your memories, from your head, with the crossbow on his shoulder, the leather vest and his piercing blue eyes, always circumspect. It had never seemed so nice to you, as you felt your heart beating madly and tears threatening to come out again. You stared at each other, from one end of the street to the other, for what seemed to me an infinite and short time at the same time. He was there, you saw him, but this was not enough: You had to feel it again, you had to feel his body against yours and its proximity, to convince you that it was real and not just an imagination. You almost jumped in his arms, worn down by the impatience of finally feeling him close to your body like it felt when he went through the gates of Alexandria. His arms were perfectly tight and stuck right under mine, so that your feet suddenly stopped touching the ground, because he lifted you up and held you tight. You had never received such a hug from Daryl Dixon… Its fragrance flooded your nostrils: Tobacco, leather, wood, sweat, skin. It was just like you knew it. Your sobs didn’t surprise you at all, unlike the strange, fast, heartfelt breaths you felt coming from your shoulder, where Daryl’s face had sunk. Either he was crying, or he was trying not to cry. That side of Daryl that you had only glimpsed back when you were alone, talking about your dead friends from the prison, the fact that he was reacting that way for you, made your heart melt like snow in the sun. When he could no longer keep you suspended, he began to stagger and set you gently on the ground, but you held him back to you and, in the heat of the movement, ended up with his back against the wall, while Daryl still overwhelmed you, holding you even stronger against the wall. You buried your face in his chest, while his right arm surrounded your shoulder and the other held you against him pressing on his back. It was as if time had stopped, then returning to make sense. As if the other people who were witnessing the scene did not exist; You almost seemed to see the surprise on their faces since, at the prison, they all thought Daryl hated you. But this was a simple reaction after being separated for a long time. You couldn’t believe it: That month of agony, fear, loneliness and torture had been difficult, of course, but your hope had been repaid. You had your family again, there with you, and you had Daryl. Squeezed in his warm and desperate embrace, everything you had spent together took on a new meaning in your eyes, along with all the thoughts about him that had populated your mind when he was far away. You could no longer ignore the crazed heart in your chest, nor the joy that was shaking every single cell, or your eyes that yearned for his face which had become so damn attractive almost at any moment. You could no longer pretend not to understand why your thoughts had run so often to him while he wasn’t there. You would no longer be able to pretend that the desperate desire to protect him and keep him safe, and especially to have him close, was dictated by a fraternal affection or simple friendship. You knew you felt something for Daryl Dixon, now it no longer made sense to lie to yourself. If Daryl hadn’t held you so tightly, you probably would have fainted: Too many emotions for that day. Too much confusion at that moment, to ask questions and to find answers. You would have had plenty of time to think about it and understand, now that your heart was free of any other concern. Your family was there, with you, safe within the walls of the community: Alexandria.