Remembering
(18+)
I took a shower to make myself feel better Something to shake this mood Before I leave to pick up my daughter Her smile makes things go right again Just need to hear her laughter Keeps me grounded, she's my little anchor Stepping out of the shower, I feel weak Knees buckle beneath me, I take a seat The weight from the stressful intensity That I carry around with me Reluctantly I see this body, sad excuse of a mother Who is she When did I take on another persona Beaten down mentally 'What am I doing, I'm better than this' I guess I allowed the pain to become an unhealthy release That I started to forget And it felt so fucking good to not THINK Of everything that I couldn't fix I start to dry off, "towel dry" the bad thoughts And as I get dressed I take a short glance I know who I am about to see isn't me It's someone else I have to get that woman I lost Get her back quickly no matter the cost I have to try to make something good come out of this Though I'm not sure how Going through this life of a nightmare I admit self destruction was my personal doom But when i tried to reach out to anyone that would listen I couldn't find you I was tired of getting the same result so I continued what was working And I'm scared for that reason I'm tired of hurting I don't want to open up because I don't trust And yet here i am spilling my fucking guts Turning from the mirror, I reach to flick the light off And I can't help but wonder if this might be the mirror's last thought(s): "Will I remember her when she comes back? Will she remember who she used to be? Will she be gone without a trace?? Or has she let go already?" ©shantilly
2021-09-16 16:18:05
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