Anxiety
It was 2am and I was walking in the underground
When this all happened to me.
I don’t remember how I crossed the street
Or how I woke up from this dream.
I was in front of the black door.
I was standing and staring at nothing.
Suddenly I felt like, that this already has happened before
But it was just my anxiety.
I was in silence drinking and smoking
Thinking about how to end this war
Those thoughts are on my neck trying to choke me
But all I want is to figure out how to be loved.
They don’t understand what’s going on with me
Crowd! I am like the rest standing here.
I just have more demons inside me
Please don’t be afraid to stand near.
But guys, with whom I was playing,
Does not care why I am ashamed.
All they want is to see me in their bed
Naked and ready to be tamed.
Lots of boys are begging to get my attention
There is why they are ready to hear my fake stories.
I let them to come closer to me but,
Then I’m breaking their hearts, without saying sorry.
I am amateur as my ex-lover says.
But I am very professional in bad decisions.
I am amateur in love and sex.
But cool at tragical reactions.
Maybe this all is happening because I am selfish
And I think about me and that’s what I do.
I often hear from you that I am careless.
And there is why I can’t get along with you.
I often say that I hate you.
But I never loved someone, like this before.
You think that I don’t respect you
I promise you won’t feel this hate from me anymore.
I really want to be centre of this world
I want them to lie around my knees.
I want to be compared with that gold
That is wearing the kingdom queen.
If something is not as I want, I am starting to cry
But it’s not manipulation, those tears are very real.
I often think about my mission in this life.
How do you think? Can my life someday be an ideal?
2018-02-22 12:09:18
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