Carl didn’t know if it was the fault of the apocalypse… When Judith was born she didn’t look like the happiest girl in the world. She didn’t laugh often, watching the people and the surrounding area with a certain amount of mistrust. In short, she already understood everything about this life. When the group returned to the base, she was the first to meet her brother, father, and the others with a faint smile as if relieved to see them return. For a while she enjoyed the adults’ attention, every smile and the flattering looks. Judith stepped back and watched as the attentions abruptly moved away from her. In fact, she hoped things would return to normal with her father’s return. He would stand in the middle of the room and explain that she was her child, that she was the one and inimitable and that they had to worship her. “Daddy!”, she screamed and ran to Rick. Rick picked her up and was pleased to see that she weighed more and more. “How did it go? Did you check if everything was alright?” She nodded, preferring not to answer. That evening, everyone decided to take a break, and all the animals that Daryl hunted were cooked in cans that Glenn and Carol had found with some of the fruits they had picked. The necessary presentations were made and you were introduced to the rest of the group. The others gave you nothing more than a lukewarm greeting, but they knew that if Rick had welcomed you, you would have to be someone to trust. You were not disappointed in your turn, as you already were after you had to kill Ofelia. In the middle of the evening, you clutched the beige jacket you had taken from the ruined camp. The group considered what had happened to the two parties when they were separated. Everyone found out that others had something to tell, something to be happy, to still be together. You settled into something that looked like a little library. Nothing but a small colored room with many shelves full of books. Judith was also set up in a kind of game room, as toys were scattered everywhere. You crouched in a corner and closed your eyes to sleep but didn’t notice that someome had a persistent look and watched you closely. Daryl hadn’t left you alone for a moment the entire evening. “And how is the girl?”,Carol asked suddenly, when she was sure that you were sleeping. “It’s okay besides the circumstances…”, Daryl said quickly. Rick gave him a quick look and then nodded. “She helped us, she’s an honest person, but she lost her group… They’re probably all dead.”

“So she stays with us?”, Glenn asked curiously.

“Yeah, we can trust Y/N.” The group was getting ready for the night and Carol had taken the first night shift. Glenn and Maggie had settled near the baths without disturbing the others at night. Michonne, Rick, Carl and Judith were in the main room next to the entrance. Usually, Carol slept in the library and told Daryl he could settle there.

“Hey, I’m laying blankets down here.”, she said softly, opening a bright red metal cupboard and laying a few blankets on the ground.

“But you have to sleep without a pillow.”

Daryl snorted and looked critically into the room. You were surrounded by low shelves, and your heavy and regular breathing made Daryl understand that you were already asleep. You lay curled up on the cold floor and had as sole heat source this beige jacket. Daryl pulled a new blanket out of the closet and approached you under Carol’s gaze, covering you without waking you up. Your features spread in your sleep and you turned your head to the other side. Daryl moved away when he heard your voice mumbling a bit. At first he thought you were thanking him. Then he heard it more closely.

“Nick…”, you mumbled and Daryl stiffened. He stood for a moment in the middle of the room, a feeling of discomfort spreading in his stomach. Then he walked away and picked up the blanket Carol had taken out for him. The woman immediately understood what was wrong with him.

“We will not go back.”

“I think we suggested that.”

“There is no turning back, Atlanta and Georgia are lost. We know that.”

“The other places are too.”

“But we can’t stay here, it’s too dangerous!”

The conversation between the group had lasted a while the next morning. For you, they seemed to be good people, but they had some communication problems.

“Maybe, in the north-…”

You cleared your throat. “I have an idea…”, you said weakly but nobody has listened to you. “I said I have an idea!”, you said louder. Everyone turned to you and you immediately felt uncomfortable. You played with the zipper of the found jacket and coughed. “We could do what my group had planned at the time… We go to the next river and take a boat, we follow the stream and it will lead us to the sea.”

“Do you have any experience with that?” Maggie asked and you shrugged. “Eat at will, fish as much as we like and there are only a few Walkers in the water, and we can see plunderers and free people from a distance, and there is a chance to prepare a defense.”

“If you are so sure, what did you do on land?”,Michonne asked in astonishment.

“We went down from the boat for supplies, we traveled a bit and found a community, but we were attacked, and when we ran away, we were lost, we went in the opposite direction for a long time, but actually wanted to go back to the sea. Then Travis had this idea with a river, and if we go with the current, we’ll eventually end up at the sea.”

“And where is the next river?”, Rick asked with his hands on his hips. “The largest is the Río Bravo del Norte, the Rio Grande, it flows into the Gulf of Mexico. The others are tributaries, they wouldn’t be big enough to navigate in peace. We would risk getting stuck in one of them.” The members of the group looked almost dazed, but at the same time were astonished by your knowledge.

“But in which area are we?”, Carl asked.

“Monterrey.”, you answered quickly. The boy looked excited and you smiled for the first time in days. “We will go.”

“Wait, we too?” Michonne watched all members of the group and everyone looked at Rick. The man was trying to figure out how dangerous it could be. On the other hand, what choice did they have? They had never tried this kind of solution before. It couldn’t be worse than trying it somewhere else.

Several days had passed and the group almost thought they would reach the Rio Grande on foot from a quarter outside the big city of Monterrey… One evening, when they went to sleep in a small house sheltered from prying eyes, they secured the surroundings. In the garage of this house was a truck, a motorhome and two motorcycles. It was clear from the beginning that anyone who dared to get on any of the motorcycles would have attracted Daryl Dixon’s anger. From then on the journey became much easier. To Daryl’s surprise, you grabbed the other bike. The group arrived a few days later near the big river. You all had to avoid some roads because they were full of Wlakers and so you made a longer trip than originally planned. Rick stopped the small convoy as it approached the evening. You were in a more rural area. The place you were in had a few isolated huts with farmland, a handful of buildings around a central square. Daryl and Rick broke the doors of a shop and the group gathered there. It was a real pleasure for Michonne when she found existing supplies of hygiene products. There were a few Walker in the store, but they were eliminated immediately. As it was your habit, you left the group and settled in the far corner. Everything about you said you didn’t want to be disturbed. Rick had told the others what had probably happened to your group and they had decided together to leave you alone. You didn’t talk much, except to say what was needed, but nothing more. The group respected your decisions, but those who knew you before the rest of the others hoped that it would soon be over. Carl wanted to do something for you, but he knew that nobody could really help you at this time. Daryl woke up late at night. Judging by the position of the moon, it was too early to begin his watch, but he rubbed his eyes and couldn’t fall asleep again. The silhouette of you, who had offered yourself for the first night shift, walked slowly from one side of the store to the other without approaching the group while they sleep. Daryl looked at you for a while. You walked gracefully and with a certain audacity, as if you were calibrating the steps to accommodate yourself to your quiet suffering. You always wore this jacket, too big for you and in that beige color. The man sighed, stood up and reached you near the lowered windows.

“It’s not your turn yet.”, you whispered and saw him coming.

“Can’t sleep.” Daryl grabbed a nearby chair and placed it beside you in front of the entrance. “I don’t want to wait until tomorrow, believe me.”,Daryl said softly in your direction. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you pull one corner of your mouth slightly upwards. “I don’t care.”

“I don’t understand how you can do that.”

You sighed. “It reminds me of normal things, like when I went shopping with my friends and stuff, we used to go to stores like this, not to those big shopping malls.”

“Who is Nick?” Immediately after he uttered those words, Daryl wanted to cut his tongue out. You turned abruptly to him, a mixture of surprise and fear on your face. “What?” Daryl hesitated, but finally decided to speak. “He’s in your group, I know, but who was he?”

“Why do you ask?”

The man shrugged and began to chew nervously on his thumbnail. “You said his name last night while you slept.” You remained silent, your eyes lowered and your arms crossed over your chest.

“Okay, sorry, forget it.”

“No, that doesn’t matter.”, you sighed, bent your head to the side and began to examine the jacket. “That was his jacket, he could change his clothes and get new ones so many times, but he always kept that disgusting jacket with him.”, you said, snorting and giggling.

“So I’m not the only one who thinks the jacket has a shitty-ass color.”

“No, not at all, I’ve always told him, we’ve all told him, I never understood why he insisted on keeping it.” Shortly thereafter, it was quiet again, but then Daryl decided to ask the direct question. A question that had visibly annoyed him since he had heard that name. This Nick, whoever he was, gave Y/N a lot of grief. Without even being here, he slipped into Y/N’s dreams. And even if Daryl didn’t want to admit it, he wouldn’t have cared to be the one whose name escaped those lips. “Was he your boyfriend?”

You looked at him for a moment before answering uncertainly. “No. We were good friends.” You looked at Daryl for a few seconds. “He was the only one who had preserved some humanity, he knew how to defend himself, he knew how to analyze the situation and act accordingly to protect our family, but when things got worse, he was the only one who could really relax so we felt at home, as if everything was still normal, and let me understand that the most important thing was that we were still united.”

“A good guy, in short.”

You snorted a little again. “He had his mistakes, let’s make that clear, but I really liked him and I still worry…” You turned back to Daryl and smiled slightly. He couldn’t hold that look for long. It was a look that wasn’t reserved for him, it was destined for someone who could no longer receive it. It would have been unfair… And then he wanted to take a look at Y/N, who wasn’t really reserved for him? No, he didn’t want that.

“Go to sleep.”, he finally said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m not tired.”

You nodded and stood up. “Thanks.”, you said, holding out her hand. “Good night.” Daryl remained alone, the darkness around him, and the sound of inner loneliness filled his ears. An uncomfortable feeling penetrated him, the awareness of why he felt that relief in his chest. Even if she had not said it, it was clear that Y/N felt something for this boy. Daryl’s stomach was contracted by malaise and at the same time with relief. The relief that Nick was not there. The immense, selfish, disgusting relief he felt when he knew someone was dead… Maybe because he didn’t know him, or maybe because he liked Y/N more than he wanted to admit, but the damn relief was there and he couldn’t expel them. Still, he also knew that he didn’t want to tell Y/N what he felt for her.

“Something’s wrong with me…”, he said to himself, staring at an undefined spot in the room all night.