The bright light fell through the leaves in thin beams and blinded the group, which moved in peace in the clearing. Morality was not the best, so the desire to have a conversation was definitely at historic lows. You were on the way and also found some boats but these were unfortunately far from suitable. Many were small, similar to what you had just left, but unfortunately without a kitchen or the possibility of each having a bed. You traveled on, with great discouragement from Madison, from town to town, moving mostly on foot. The best thing would be to find a car that could transport you all, but you hadn’t been lucky until then. Rick, Michonne and Alicia were looking for firewood. Together with Madison, Maggie took care of Judith. Glenn and Carol prepared a clearing that was free of leaves and branches so you could sleep, while you took care of the hearth and Daryl and Travis returned with the loot. Part of you were glad not to eat more fish…

“Hey, who is this beautiful girl?”

A voice made you turn and paint a smile on your face.

“You’re pretty, so let me tell you.” Nick glanced at Judith, who turned to him. He picked her up and began to look around the clearing. “Do you know what I’d like to have now? A Coke. Maybe one day, when you’re old enough to drink one, we’ll still find some of them wrapped up.” He paused to think about it. “One day, I’ll tell you what a school is, but you know what, you didn’t miss so much, but you would have been a princess there.” Finally, a word she could understand in all this conversation. “Princess!”, Judith agreed and nodded. Her father always said it, and so did the others. So it had to be true, she was a princess. It wasn’t clear to her what exactly a princess was or what she did, but she had seen faded pictures and drawings in the time they were in the kindergarten. It didn’t seem to be bad. They wore beautiful clothes and smiled the whole time. “Princess.”, Judith repeated. You, who had come from the other side of the clearing to find a stick to accelerate the fire, smiled at the sight. You hadn’t often met children during the travels, but each time they clung like a gum to Nick’s shoe sole. He knew how to deal with the children, how to make them feel good, busy and not bored, and what to do when they cried or had a temper tantrum. He not only knew how to do it, he was happy to be with them. You folded your arms across your chest and leaned your back against a tree, your eyes following Nick, who showed Judith the trees and told what once was a forest at a place called Middle-earth where the trees could run and talk. You shook your head, giggling. At that moment, a shadow came past you, you had only a short time to look up to see Daryl passing and he threw to Nick a murderous gaze and a look of guilt on your back. You sighed and went back to the fire. Daryl was sitting on the ground and began to skin the prey more than it was necessary. In those two weeks his anger had increased day by day. Half awaken, before falling asleep, all the time. He would rather be angry with himself, this boy wasn’t to blame. No more blame than to be young, disgustingly charming, at least he imagined it as you saw him, good at defending himself and who knows how many other stupid qualities. Judith also worshiped him and followed him like a shadow. Daryl gave him one last look and then threw the rabbit’s skin into a corner to feed the insects… “I’ll prepare it.” You came with a pot to Daryl, which already contained a pre-heated prey, tomatoes, some crumbled spice, and nuts you’d found in a house a few days ago. “There’s going to be a gourmet dinner tonight. If that’s what we can call it.”, you said smilingly, sitting next to Daryl and cutting the rabbit to pieces, the man uttering something that sounded and snorted like a grunt, so you sighed and as Daryl began to stand up, you stopped him by holding him by the arm. “Wait, we have to talk…”

“What?” Daryl hated that sentence. He was someone who preferred to do things instead of saying them, but he wasn’t afraid to face a speech that needed to be addressed. The Apocalypse forces you to confront people. It has to be done because sometimes there is no second chance. He moistened his lips, shifted his weight from one foot to the other and sat down again. You waited a moment before you started to speak.

“I mean it the way I say it… I’m sorry, I’m sorry about what happened with Nick when they all came back in. I couldn’t imagine him doing it.” You looked at the man’s expression. “But I wanted you to know.” Daryl played with the tip of his shoe and tore at a piece of rubber from the sole of the foot, which peeled off. He snorted, looked up and began to massacre the ground with a knife without turning to you. “I can see how you’re looking at him.”

“What are you talking about?”, you mumbled, shaking your head in confusion. Of all that Daryl could tell you, that was really the last thing. It seemed clear to you that it had been a worthless kiss. “Daryl, I -…”

“Don’t say that fucking’ nonsense!”, he snapped and finally turned to you. His eyes were cold, his expression angry. “If it bothered you, you would have withdrawn, and it was damn obvious that you liked it.”

You looked at him in surprise. “Daryl, what did you expect? A slap in the face? Until recently, I didn’t even know he was alive, I didn’t even have time to react.”

“You should ask yourself why.”

“And you should be a little less of a fucking asshole!”, you squinted and bit your tongue. “I know I’m not in the right position to get angry, but please, could you make things a little easier? You’re angry, I understand it, I would be too… But-…”, you stopped, rubbing your tongue over her lips, a fleeting gesture Daryl noticed, “…-I’m a little confused, Nick, he… I had no idea he was alive, you understand? All the time I pretended that he wasn’t there, as if he was dead. But it’s not that, that’s the reality and now… Now things have changed and I don’t know what to do…”

Daryl nodded, ran two fingers over his lips and looked at the camp. “I’ll talk to Nick, I’ll tell him… I’ll tell him everything.”, you added. You shook your head as if you wanted to shake off what you’d just said. You didn’t look at Daryl and neither did Nick. You just stared at a spot on the ground, not far from your own feet. Daryl said nothing, instead he rested his head on his own shoulder. His eyes couldn’t help but fall on the boy. He’d left Judith with Michonne and walked around Glenn and Carol, helping them to build temporary makeshift tents. He wore the same top Daryl had seen the first day. His hair was messy on his head and lay as if he had applied gel. He had a serious expression, almost annoyed, constantly on his face. The only time he had seen him differently was with his sister Alicia, Judith, and Y/N. They were the only people he smiled with.

“Then you will tell him everything?”

“Yes.”

“So I could do it too.” Daryl turned and looked at you. “I could kiss you, here, now, in front of all.”

You wavered. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what to say, or rather what you wanted. Daryl was one of the greatest people you had ever met in your life. You were thinking about the scenario if Daryl really did. He leaned in and your lips met halfway… There was something reassuring about this scene, something you longed for. Not only physical contact, but above all the knowledge. To know that you are with him. Then you thought about how the others would take it and immediately the picture of Nick appeared in your head. You imagined him seeing you. His soul would leave his body to gasp, and his reaction was always to make the most hasty decisions… You admitted to yourself that you never wanted to bother him. Nobody would like to worry about a friend. Was he your boyfriend? Or just a good friend? Or was there something more hidden behind it? You yourself couldn’t answer. You grinned with a nervous, false smile. “You would never do it in front of everyone here, you’re not like that.”

“You think so?” Daryl came suddenly closer, a few inches from your face. You could feel his breath on your cheeks, looked him straight in the eye and see all the intense structures of his iris. Instinctively as for a real reason, you moved easily and surprisingly in his direction. Daryl made a bitter grimace, half laughing. He brought his mouth close to your ear.

“You wouldn’t hesitate if you were sure what you wanted, and if you’re not sure, I don’t fucking know why I should damn well wait.”

You were speechless. Confused of his proximity and moved by the situation, you had no idea how to react. Only after a few moments did you understand what he meant to say. Daryl Dixon was no substitute for anyone and no second choice, he wouldn’t accept it. You knew in your heart that it was a just cause, he didn’t deserve it, but his words made you suffer and put you on the defensive. “I’m sorry, Daryl.”, you answered coldly. “I’m selfish, but I can not afford to make a wrong decision, I’ve been wrong many times in my life, but this isn’t just about me, I have to be sure what I want, I wish I couldn’t hurt anyone, but that’s not how things work.”

Daryl wanted to scream at you, then hug you and kiss you. It seemed to him that his stomach had contracted, causing only nausea. He wanted to be the first choice, he wanted Y/N to have no doubt who you should love, he wanted you to come to him. But how could he claim to compete with Nick? Their relationship had been going on for years, but he and Y/N had just known each other for a few months.

“Hey.”

A sharp tone above you made him look up. Nick was standing above of you and frowning at you. He studied your face, tried to read something in it and then went to Daryl. He put his hand on your shoulder, possessive, while his mouth touched your cheek. An intimacy that disgusted Daryl. He jumped up and crossed the clearing with long strides. He disappeared into the thicket of the forest and only Carl realized he was leaving. He looked at him, looked at you and then back to where Daryl had disappeared. It was obvious how it would end, at least for Carl, after what he had thought of you two before. He almost made a bet with Glenn.

“Are you alright?”

You forced a smile, wiped your hair from your face and tried to look happy. “What? Yes! Everything’s alright.” You began to cut the rabbit and put it in the pot. Nick turned to look for Daryl but didn’t see him. “Does he bother you?”

“What? Daryl? No.” You stood up, put the pot on the fire and fastened it to a hook that held it over the flames. You thought of the conversation you and Daryl had had in the bank office a long time ago and sighed. Maybe a grilled steak would have solved all the problems. You returned to the place where you sat and began wiping your hands with water.

Nick sat down next to you, put an arm on your back, and tapped the other shoulder with his forefinger. You turned around, but there was no one, and just as you noticed, you smiled and looked back at Nick. He just smiled, amused, but more than anything relieved by such a familiar situation.

“I can still fool you with such things?”, Nick asked, laughing.

“You know you can fool me with that!”

You wiped your hands on your shirt and watched the camp. “What did you do when we split up?”The boy shrugged. “We survived…” Nick followed your gaze and took a moment to watch you. He noticed that you were looking at the trees and looking for something, for a particular person. Your eyes were bleak, guilty and regretful. Luckily, he knew how to distract Y/N. “Then why don’t you tell me about you, how did you do it on your own?”

When you wanted to say something, your eyes seemed to shine. “I wasn’t alone, I met Rick and the others shortly after, I got a cold, remember?”He nodded in response. “After a few days I had a fever, I came over a stream and filled some water bottles, then I went back into the forest and I decided that I would be safe on a tree and have a rest…”

“Still this tree story, we are not monkeys.”

You smiled. “But it’s actually an excellent idea.”

“Would you like to tell me that it worked?”

“If I hadn’t been sick, it would have worked!”, you said. “I was moving at the wrong time and Rick and his group spotted me. Daryl is practically a bloodhound. He could find your tracks in the middle of the ocean and well, he noticed me and I tried to move, at least they told me I was a victim of fever and I literally fell against him, when I woke up, Rick offered to find a safe place because I knew the area better, so they gave me food and protection until I was feeling well again.”

“Happy ending!”, Nick said.

“More or less…” You looked up at him. “I found Ofelia, she was a Walker…”, you added softly. The boy looked away. He stretched out again and put his arm around your shoulders, this time to squeeze you. He said nothing, that was not necessary. “We were… I was close, I saw her… And I had to kill her…”, you continued in a broken voice, “…Then I found the camp, it was all burned.”

When you looked up again, your eyes were shiny with tears, but not one of your eyelashes. Like a shiny veil. You wouldn’t cry for bad memories, memories that hurt you. “I thought you were dead…”, you whispered, looking at Nick. “I thought I would never see you again…”

You reached out and embraced him tightly. You would have liked to banish those feelings from your heart, those pictures from your head, all that frightened you. “It didn’t happen, we’re here.” You broke away from him and smiled. “Wait a minute.”You got up and rummaged around in your backpack before you found what you were looking for, returning to Nick with a triumphant look on your face. The boy smiled as he took his beige jacket. “You found her, I didn’t even think she was spared from the fire!”

“Sure. This jacket will bury us all!”, you replied with a laugh. “Thank you Y/N…” Nick put the garment on his knees and took a quick look at the camp. “We were lucky, you found a nice group.”

“They are good people.” You followed his gaze and hugged the whole group with your eyes. Michonne and Alicia played with Judith, Travis and Glenn finally attended the dinner, Carl and Madison looked at a map and tried to figure out what the next plan would be. It was nice to see them working together. You were glad that the two groups had grown together so well by now. “Daryl too?”

You turned to Nick and looked at him with wide eyes. “What?” The boy didn’t speak, he looked at you closely. You knew what that look meant, you had seen that look at other times. He didn’t trust him. He didn’t like Daryl at all.

“Of course, Daryl is… he’s okay, I mean, I owe him my life.”

“I think I know that kind of guy…”, Nick finally said. “And if I know him, he can not be a good company.”

You snorted. “You are not able to criticize him, not even you were a good company before all this, or am I wrong?”

Nick looked at you angrily. “I just mean that he’s not the person I entrust to difficult tasks, he doesn’t look like one of the good guys.”

“He’s a very smart man instead, more than it seems and more than he knows himself.”, you said firmly, annoyed by the boy’s criticism. “At first glance, he isn’t very trustworthy, I admit, but wait and you will see it… Daryl isn’t like the others, for him, it has always been the Apocalypse. He takes things the way they come. He’s used to that kind of life.”

“Do you like it?”

You shrugged. “I just think he’s adapted better than all of us, relaxing with him is a social interaction, but otherwise he’s fantastic… I mean, it’s soothing with him, he cares about us.”

“Even as I take care of you and worry?”, Nick asked with questioning, irritated eyes. “You know, you have some things in common.” You hesitated. For a moment you wondered if this was the time to talk to Nick about Daryl or whatever was between you. You could solve the problem and finish. But the truth was that you hadn’t decided yet. Getting Nick back was wonderful. But you couldn’t ignore Daryl, you couldn’t put him in a corner, as if nothing had happened. A tiny part of you had thought about it. Nick was back, everything would be great! But that wasn’t the truth. The truth was that when Daryl was around, your eyes fell on him, on his arms, on his broad shoulders, on his impenetrable face… And you thought it was beautiful. You already had some experience behind you to know that the hardest moments were those involving feelings. Love, every kind of love, for the partner, for the parents, for the friends. It was complex and sometimes difficult to handle, if only to understand.

“Food is ready!” Carol looked up at everyone and began to distribute the meat.

“A gourmet meal!”, Nick commented when he saw the food and you snapped at the rabbits with some rage, still looking at the spot where Daryl had disappeared.