Writing is like bleeding your emotions on a piece of paper
Блог Всі
Day 1825
Depression (new poem)
Книги Всі
Вірші Всі
DAY 1825
My old friends from school ask me where the talkitive, extroverted and bubbly girl went. Honestly, I don't know it myself. I don't know at which part of the road I ended up replacing her. My new friends wonder why I'm so reserved. The people around me that once criticised me for talking too much, now question my silence. Some thinking I'm just an attention seeker, others thinking I'm a depressed teenager. But when they ask me why I changed, I don't have a reason. Maybe it was those little things in life that changed me. Being used in the name of friendship, confused in the name of beauty and abused by the norms of society. I was always changing, you just didn't notice. Everybody is changing but we never notice until the change in their wave hits us. I try to trace back the steps I took but nothing seems unusual, it just happened. A slow but painful process filled with sleepless nights, confused tears and overthinking. But here I am , keeping boundaries for myself , not letting every person I meet in, being a little selfish and not blindly trusting anyone. They say I'm being rude to them but I'm just being polite to my body and soul. I'm still changing and who knows who I will become in the next five years? There are only three things that make out lives different, 1. The options we are given 2. The option we choose 3. The way we live the option we choose. And we do this everything, because even living is a choice.
Curse of Reflection
Me and my reflection were best friends. It all began when I was five. I was taught that your reflection copies what you. Not mine. When I said "Hi" , she said "Hello". When I waved, she smiled. I ran across the room, excitement overflowing from my eyes, as I grabbed my mother's finger with my tiny hand and dragged her towards the mirror to show the magic. But it only resulted in her patting my head and laughing. The minute my presence became the only one in the room, she told me to come close to the mirror and whispered in my ear, "KEEP THIS SECRET BETWEEN US " My heart jumped with excitement , because I have a secret and a best friend. We grew up together. We shared jokes and pains. People thought I was either weird for staring at my reflection or utterly obsessed with myself. But I didn't care because I have a blessing. Until things started to change. Until one day, she casually told me that I was lucky since I could walk outside and meet people while she was stuck as a reflection. I brushed it off by assuring her that I will always be with her. I believed she was here just to be my friend, that she revolved under my control because she is my reflection. And before I knew it, I became the centre of attention. I tuned into a cunning person snatching fame, my urge to become the prettiest and best kept growing. It got to the point that I would do anything to get it. Until one day, on my 18th birthday, she told me to come close. I moved close and within a flick of second , I was inside the mirror and she was out. I kept banging on the glass while she kept staring into my soul and I realized that I became the reflection. The smile on her face was not the one I had seen before. I realized I didn't notice the birth of jealousy and ego in her. I didn't notice the disturbance in her voice and whispers. I didn't realize I was being the puppet. "Why now? Why not before?" I screamed, my voice dripping with the pain of betrayal. "Oh dear, I didn't want to do all the hard work. You did a great job. Thank you." "Traitor, you liar!" I screamed again. But she only laughed and said, "Isn't this what you want? I helped you be famous but you yourself let me control you. You handed the power to me sweetheart. You became a slave of your own mind." She was right, it was my fault all along. I helplessly watched her walk away with my life and my future. I let the tears roll down my face until my vision was taken over by black clouds. I woke up in a body that is not mine. I suddenly turned into a little girl with soft hair and chubby cheeks and I touched them. I looked outside the glass and saw myself in a completely different place. The door opened and a little girl walked in. She saw me in the mirror and gasped. I realized she had black hair, chubby cheeks, red frock and blue hat like me. I was her reflection. That's when it struck me. I am given a chance to escape. This is an opportunity I can't let go to waste. I called her close and whispered, "KEEP THIS SECRET BETWEEN US." I saw her eyes twinkling with the same excitement as I had. All I had to do was wait and hope she is weak and will let me control her. And she will soon realize the her first betrayal will be from herself.
I see tweets and posts of people saying,"Talk to me if you are depressed." But when I acutally do they say I'm a teen who's bipolar obsessed. They say I just want attention and it'll be in vain Then ironically they ask why I always hide my pain My thoughts are the slow poison that feeds my heart, Killed my ability to speak so I just express through my art. The silence becomes a danger when the demons make the entrance, Circling and whispering till I loose all my awareness. They ask me what's wrong and say they wanna help, I just feel so empty, I don't know myself. It's easier to fake it than tell the whole story, We become lovers of our masks till it's too expensive to bury. But there are people that want to help, people who don't just feel sorry And you'll find them so there is no need to worry. Fight back with like a warrior that the demons can't stand your decision, Because sweetheart you are not depressed, you are battling depression