4 years of waiting
I knew this girl since I was not so far from 13 few months before my birthday . She was 5 years older than me and we were best friends. Since my 13 I've realized I was in love , she had a girlfriend, so , I knew I had no chance, plus I was never that girl that loves herself, I knew I'm not perfect and I was always insecure about myself, never believed if someone was telling me opposite things about myself from things that I think about me. But I was such a «girl full of hope» that I hoped if I'll change myself she'd like me... now remembering and laughing actually! I did - changed myself , as physically same mentally, I changed my attitude, I changed my style, I wasn't ME and even though it felt so wrong I was still pushing myself into it and trying to change every single detail about me so I could be at least a bit like that girl she likes or even better. Was so blind to reality, to who this person actually is, and she, she was never showing manipulative signs and signs of abuse when we were friends, just a good, close best friends. Since I didn't have much friends I was trying to save this one because I was so naive, I believed every single thing she said like " Bff" , " I'll never leave you" , " Whatever happens" etc. I've never thought it was a bullshit, until that moment
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