Abhijit Sarkar
@abhijit_sarkar
"We accept the love we think we deserve"- perks of being a wall flower
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Dreams Of Clouds
Whenever I am out in the dusk, I take a little time to take a breath And look up to see the golden husk, Cause it gives me some little faith. I think of the evening clouds wandering, And the dreamy aroma of sunshine With it's golden essence would be lingering, And when it rains, it must be the angel cryin'. I look at the infinite blue sky, And think that clouds are truly free. I wonder if I would ever soar so high And see the world as how I wanna see. It makes me feel my own existence, In this soo big, round world Cause sometimes it's soo difficult to comprehend With all the abuses that are hurled. I think of the 'little match girl', And how her grandma descended from up And took away that small, cold pearl, With her in the heaven, away from the hubbub. The reality what we ignore is, The sky is not infinite, though high It's a part of the same big loop, like us But at least it gives us hope to fly.
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The Night Walk
"Established in 1767, The Park Street Cemetery was one of the earliest non-church cemeteries in the world, and probably the largest Christian cemetery outside Europe and Asia in the 19th century", said Risav while scrolling through the Wikipedia page. "How cool is that!", exclaimed Nisha while slurping some tea. "Okay guys, this weekend, let's go for a night walk. There are rumors of ghosts and stuffs, and this will be fun. It's monsoon and the atmosphere is just perfect", said Tanya. "Hmm..... Four friends out in the midnight, trying to find answers of the mysteries residing in the dark, crazy enough", said Satyam. "Let's do this!", exclaimed all four friends. Soon it was Friday night, and after a long conference call, four of them discussed that they would meet at 10a.m near the Park Street metro station and then would advance towards the cemetery. "The guards won't let us in of course", said Risav. "Dumbo, we know that, but I've money to spare, and India is, you know, runs on money," said Tanya. "Okay, here we are", said Satyam with a deep sigh. "Hey kids, it's closed, come again tomorrow, but before 5p.m!", shouted a guard standing in front of the huge metal gate. The guard was wearing a cap, thus his face couldn't be seen properly, but he had a heavy, husky voice. "Here, take this and I hope now it's open", said Tanya with a subtle grin. She handed over some money to the guard. "Alright, but just an hour", said the guard. The metal gates opened with a creeking sound, and it looked as if all of them were teleported to a different world. Under the moonlight, the whole burial ground looked vast and neverending. There was a damp feeling, with moisture in the air. It was cold and the mush green around looked prussian blue under the shinning moon. The hooting of owl, and the chirping of cicadas could be heard. "There are more than 2000 graves guys, let's explore fast!", exclaimed Risav with lot of excitement. "Okay nerd, stop bellowing facts", said Nisha. "By the way, it's also listed as a romantic spot, so Tanya, you interested in some?", said Satyam, with a little giggle. "Shut up moron!", Tanya exclaimed with a little blush hidden under her smile. After walking for half an hour, Nisha's flashlight started flickering, and she could feel some eerieness around. "Guys did y'all here that?", asked Nisha. "Here what?", asked Tanya with a confused expression. "Hear that whisper. I think it came from behind that tomb", replied Nisha. The four friends went to the tomb, and with some suspense in their heart, they looked behind the tomb, but found nothing. "Ahh!!!", screamed Tanya. "What is it?", asked Satyam quickly. "I felt someone pulling my hair!", exclaimed Tanya. Just then, all of their flashlights got switched off automatically. "Oh no, we are doomed!", exclaimed Risav. Silence fell over. None of them spoke a word. The cold wind was blowing, causing a sharp swishing sound. The leaves of the trees were rustling, and the cicadas were still chirping. "Guys I feel something grabbing my shoulder, Ahhh!", shrieked Risav, letting out a little scream under his breath. "Satyam, I think we all should run", insisted Nisha. Then all four of them started running towards the exit, as fast as they could. It was near to midnight, and the moon was hiding behind a dark nimbus cloud. With no moonlight to guide them, all of them were running almost blindly. "I-i-i see the ga-a-te", said Risav, panting and shivering with fear. In that very moment Satyam tripped over a tomb and fell. "Ah! Oh shit!", exclaimed Satyam painfully, "You guys go, I will catch up". Nisha and Risav continued to run and was soon outside the gate. "Tanya run! I can feel someone holding my feet, I can't stand!", shouted Satyam with fear and despair. A tear escaped his eye. "I am not leaving you behind, I will pull you out", said Tanya, with a cold yet comforting voice. Tanya grabbed Satyam's hand and dragged him towards the exit with all her might. "Okay! I am alright now", said Satyam, and stood up. He held Tanya's hand and ran for both of their lives. Soon they were out. "The guards are sleeping", said Risav. "Alright...... let's head home", said Satyam, still panting and gasping for air, fear in his eyes. Risav and Nisha called for an Uber respectively, and headed home. "Why did you not run?", asked Satyam inquisitively. "Because I don't think either of us could've made it alone.......and moreover I think I love you", said Tanya with little lustre in her eyes and glow in her face. Satyam held Tanya's face and planted a soft kiss on her lips. *The End*
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Scared Of Letting Go
Sometimes you can't hold on to it, Because it just hurts you more and more And leaving would just hurt a bit But you are scared of letting go. When all you do is just over-love The person who doesn't want to stick along, And all you need is just to shove off The bond you were trying to hold for long. What your heart needs is a little more convincing, To make you destroy the love you both grew But you just can't stop yourself from loving As you are scared of tearing the strings you sew. You feel this block in your mind, And a stone in your kernel And you just don't know how to find, The courage, to let yourself go through hell. But once you make it through the doom, You might find a new ray, some sunshine And you will be just okay soon As you'll learn to live again, just fine.
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Vulnerable
We just don't notice how vulnerable we are, Until we just stop and think about it How we tried to be our favorite character, Or how we tried to copy the famous painting. We read a good piece of poetry, Or a good novel or an article And then sit with a pen enthusiastically, But sometimes it's nothing but farcical. We are influenced by appealing art, Maybe temporary or maybe forever. We just can't trust our fragile heart Because it follows footsteps to endeavor. And it's the secret of art as whole, And how it's passed from generations And it's the reason still old epics are told, So we perform art with subtle modernization. We all are passively vulnerable, It's just embedded under our heart And it's proven by historic chronicles, It's the reason why everything is an art.
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I Won't Let You Know
I won't let you know, I am feeling a sword being pierced through me. I won't let you know, I am drowning in a dark tearful sea. I won't let you know, How it feels, to fall on your knees. I won't let you know, What I see ahead of me, is defeat. I will try to hide my pain behind a veil, Made of a bright smile, smile that kills, But I will cherish when you'll stare at me platonically. I promise I won't let you know what's going on with me. But I hope that you'll remember of how it feels, To be loved, to be held, to have passionate kiss. I hope those beautiful days, is what you'll miss, While you see me faking myself like I am living in bliss. ..............×................. I won't let you know, How much it pains to stay without you. I won't let you know, How it is to feel being close, yet apart too. I won't let you know, How it is to let go of the bond we sew. I won't let you know, How drenched my pillow gets with my salty dew. I will try to avoid looking at you, So that I can't see your blurred view, Because I know my heart is a weak one, And your face, will make me melt and burn. But I hope you will be lonely in your heart, And miss my touch, now that we are soo apart, And I will when I open my door when midnight starts You will be there asking for a drive in your car.
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A Crippled Poem
Today as I sit to write a poem, I feel a strange inability within my head. Unable to put words together, Unable to put a certain rhythm to my lines. My mind is wandering randomly, Running around in the cosmos of thoughts Where lines are coming to my mind But none are related to each other. I am trying hard to put it together But my thoughts are too messy. So I had this idea of scribbling, This hapazat, crippled poem. It is a weird feeling to not have a certain topic, To temporarily lose the ability to restrict thoughts. I guess that's why everyone can't be a poet, Because everyone can't put a rhythm. We say poem is a way to express our feelings. So the people who write them regularly, I wonder if they are really fickle hearted Or they are capable of putting up fake feelings. But all the great poets didn't write every other day, They just wrote when the felt certain things That's the reason maybe they are great, They write about momentary feelings. I feel, if a poet wrote a poem on aurora borealis, He won't write it in a winter night, Rather he would write it in March When he would miss those cold winter days. We tend to remember the beautiful moments, When we are in a contrasting situation. We don't feel the love when we get it, We tend to feel it, miss it when we lack it. By the way, did you realize how randomly my context changed, From winter nights to lack of love? Yes, that's what I meant when I said, That I am scribbling a crippled poem.
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Was It My Fault?
I remember, when we fell in love. Those deep conversation, those heavy breaths over the phone. Your smile, bright enough to blind my heart. Your eyes, orbs of enchanting pools, in which I was willing to jump, to feel enchanted. Your touch, electrifying enough to charge me up. Those glances we stole, during group discussions......... unforgettable. We both knew, our heart belonged to each other. Then finally, I gathered up enough courage to ask you out for a movie. I remember my heart exploding with each word escaping my mouth. So casually you said, "Yes, why not". I jumped with joy on my bed, hugging Coco as hard as I could. You were my first love. I remember, I was soo nervous. I felt a mountain dropping on me when I first saw you waiting outside the cinema. I peeked from behind the pole, to see if you were as nervous as me, but you stood their with your hands in your pockets, not a sign of nervousness in your body language. I thought that I was acting too weird. Anyway, I gathered some courage and walked at you, with a nervous grin on my face. The movie was, "Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan". I was expecting you to get the hint, but you sat there, eyes at the screen. My expectations started to break down into fragments. Soon the scene came where both the protagonists were kissing each other passionately at the junction of the train's coaches. That's when I realized a soft touch. I felt a palm on top of my hand. I tried to steal a glance as fast as I could, and I saw your face turning at the screen. Thousands of questions sprung in my mind. 'Was he looking at me?' 'Did he put his hand on mine intensionally? Or was it just a casual gesture?'. I could feel thousands of butterflies in my stomach. My heart was beating so fast, that I doubted if you could actually hear it. Anyway, with thousands of questions in my mind, I sat quietly, as stiff as a rock. I started imagining situations in my mind, where you and I stood together, hand in hand. I wasn't paying any attention to the movie. Soon, the movie came to it's end. We stood up, and guess what? WE WERE HOLDING HANDS! I almost jumped at little with excitement. Thunder bolts were running through my veins, I could feel my body getting warm and my cheeks getting rosy........ With shivering legs we went out, and a gush of wind blew into my face, carrying the smell of rain. It was raining, we didn't have an umbrella. You looked at me and said, "Let's get wet!". As soon as you said those words, without waiting for my reply, you grabbed my hand and ran across the street. The droplets making us wet. I was getting wet by two elements, Love and Rain. We danced in the rain as hard as we could, and we couldn't stop laughing. I almost cried, as my stomach was hurting. I saw happiness leaking out of you, and that made me happy too. Then for a moment, time stopped. No sound, nothing. We both were looking at each other with dreamy eyes. I lost control of myself, and I held your face, and planted a kiss. As our wet lips touched, I could feel myself melting in you. I could feel the electric bolts replaced by sedatives, making me high. I was intoxicated with love. As our lips parted, I looked at your eyes and saw your pupils widened with horror. Your face turned pale, and you let out a shriek under your breath. I looked around, and saw your father standing. I looked at you, your lips shivering, trying to find words. You started stepping back, towards the middle of the road. I was horrified, and confused. I was trying to say something, but my words got suppressed under my heavy breaths. I looked at and you, getting wet in the middle of the road, and BAM! Time stopped again. You were laying there eight feet away from the place you were standing before. The truck didn't even stop. There was a pool of blood. The blood mixed with the rain water and was flowing towards the drain. I was standing there, I didn't know what to do, everything happened so fast, I couldn't comprehend even a bit. I saw uncle running towards your still body, screaming your name. I just sat down on my knees, with numb eyes and cold face. The next thing I know, I was standing in the school assembly while the principal was announcing a sad news. A boy lost his life in a road accident......... But the next question which crept in my mind, with shivering legs, was, 'Was it my fault?'.
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Aroma
Sometimes we don't notice, A lingering intangible essence Of things lost with time, Still reminding, it once existed. The smell of the sunshine, Still on the silver clouds Floating on the evening sky, Starring down at the moonflowers. The fragrance of the incense stick, Enveloped on the tulsi leaves Reminding of the sharp long sound, Of the holy, white, conch shell. The smell of the black coffee, Smeared on the assignment papers, Which now lies on the desk Waiting to be submitted. The letter still has her smell, At every fold of the paper. Reminds of her bright smile, Everytime he read those words. The aroma of her wet hair, Envelopes his now-old heart. Reminds of those younger days, When they were a newly wed couple. The smell of the old man, Still there on the gramaphone, Like a recently heard song Hummed at the tip of the tongue. Smell brings us memories, Of existence which was once there. Reminds us of their presence And also the void of their absence.
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Reminiscence
I remember me splashing water in a tub, And mom combing my hair with love. I remember being carried on Dad's shoulder, And sleeping in his arms when night grew colder. Fast forward, when I grew up to ten, I remember being taught how to hold a pen And being served ice cream by my mom, So that my 102 fever is gone. Then I turned to a 12 year old, And became a victim of what nobody told. Those unappreciated, disgusting touch by her, Those screams of mine still ringing in my ear. Now there I was cutting my 14th birthday cake, I still swung on the swing by the lake. Puberty on the other side was hitting me hard, And there was this girl I liked so much. Now my life is pretty much great, Devoid of grudges or any hate. But I still wonder am I a burden to my parents? I don't know, right now I can just enjoy my reminiscence.
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Pixie Dust
Tormented by showered thoughts, Of how dumb and unworthy I am. I laughed painfully, I fought, But at last my smile broke, I ran. I ran towards the once vermilion woods, Now moonlight covered the grass. I ran and ran as fast as I could, Till I tripped and against the tree, I crashed. I looked above at the canopied sky, Owls and cicadas were singing. The aroma of moonflowers made me high, I stared at the distant stars twinkling. Just then it rained with sparkly lights, Looked like a cluster of stars falling I mistook it to be a swarm of fireflies, Sitting alone, the cold breeze blowing. Then a prussian cloud started coming down, I couldn't help but be suprised A boy stood on it, with a shiny crown, It looked so beautiful, I was mesmerized. He lend out his hand with a smile, I caught it with my rosy white palm With salty dews in my eyes. His warm touch made me feel calm. As we set on an uncertain journey, On a fluffy shady cloud. I saw myself sitting cold and puny, From the hills came a howl. I never landed back on earth, But I am happy on the cloud. Now nobody there to hurts me, No one makes me frown.
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