*HI everyone I've been busy lately so that's why it's taken me this long to update a new chapter, hope you've been patient and I hope you've been looking forward to knowing what's going to happen next cause things are about to get spicy, without further due let's see what happens, hope you'll enjoy it. ☺️*



"ummm we can't jump into any conclusions mom, they haven't even known each other that long"

"Becca's right, Ellen and can we change the subject please"

"right-right, pardon my manners I just got a little excited, so ummm Becca how are the exams coming up?"


Talking about the exams is not my favorite topic right now but it's better than talking about how perfect Ryan and Amber would be if they were together.

The next day I woke up feeling good about myself and ready to reconcile things with Ryan, after what happened yesterday I did a lot of thinking and I didn't want to waste anymore time away from him, him and I might have a lot of history together but that doesn't mean that nothing or no one can come  between. I missed our conversations and the way he wrapped his strong arms around my tiny waist, how he kissed me every time I was in the middle of saying something,his fingers running down my bare back and that night, that night I surrendered my body to him and made me feel like the most precious thing he's ever laid his hands on, I couldn't wait to run into his arms, kiss him, embrace him so tight and tell him how much I love him. I rushed downstairs so eager to  see him, with so much anxiety and smiles on my face till I saw him standing on the door side alongside Amber, I couldn't tell what was going on but I knew something was up because of how she was dressed and the mini bag that was hanging on her shoulder.



"Hi, glad you're here thought you were sleeping"
Amber said as she took a step forward.
I was still surprised to see the both of them together so I was still lost for words,

"I've been trying to get a hold of Ellen but can't get through, umm Ryan and I are going out for a while and I just wanted to know if you'll be okay been here alone."

As soon as I heard this it felt like my heart dropped so hard to the ground, like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe, I looked at Ryan and he couldn't even look at me in the eyes, abruptly him and Amber walked out of the house leaving me to drown in my own tears, I slowly sat down the stairs and wept in the most silent but yet loudest cry, I knew for sure that I lost him and there was nothing I could do about it.




Later that evening I couldn't stop looking outside the window waiting for them to come and hear what she has to say about their so called date, time flew by and I panicked while assuming the worst, what could they be doing that they're not yet back, was she more entertaining than me that he couldn't let her leave early, I know that she's more experienced than me but does he like her kisses more than mine, have they even had sex, I literally felt like my head was going to explode from all these questions, I couldn't stop pacing around and every ticking on the clock made my heart beat faster and louder. Unfortunately I couldn't stay downstairs longer because of the stupid exams that my mom constantly reminds me of but even though I went to my room I couldn't focus.


                               *
I don't know how I slept but I woke up feeling tired with circles around my eyes, I got ready for school and rushed downstairs to see if Amber had gotten back home but to my surprise she was not yet back and on my way to school I looked over to Ryan's house and didn't see his car either and that made me panic even more. I talked to Tessa about this during our lunch break and all she kept on telling me was to talk to him before jumping into any conclusions, how was I even supposed to talk him when I hardly see him these days? I kept on hoping that nothing  happened between the two even though I know I'm only deceiving myself.





                                *
My panic attack kicked in the moment I saw the both of them coming out of the car with his arm wrapped around her shoulder, she looked so comfortable in his arms and he seemed to be enjoying the sight of her in his arms, oh I swear I was loosing it, I quickly rushed to my room and trashed it and helplessly cried as I laid down on the floor, feeling useless and unworthy of myself, why does loving somebody hurt this much.