The next day I woke up feeling great and ambivalent about what happened last night, it felt so surreal, I just still can't believe that Ryan and I kissed. Like always mom was already gone for work so it was just me and the house, I went outside to catch some morning breeze with my white crop top and white pajama short  still on, my messy ponytail, no makeup on and bare footed, the neighborhood was as quiet as the water in a bottle, most people were still indoors except for one person, Ryan, I've never been so nervous seeing him but after that kiss it was hard for me to look him in the eyes or even be near him.

I wouldn't say it was awkward to kiss him but rather it's so unlikely of me to kiss someone I met in less than a month let alone a baby daddy,panicking with anxiety I rushed to the door so he wouldn't see me but unfortunately he called my name, for a moment I froze, then robot turned as I nervously looked at him, gosh he never seizes to amaze me he looked so hot in his black vest and his large biceps exposed, "morning" he said gently, "morning" I replied with my head facing down
He then continued, "how are you" "I'm ok, you" "same here, look I just want to apologize for what happened last night it wasn't right for me to do that, I just hope that I didn't lead you into anything or umm" "get my hopes up?" I interrupted when he started stammering "it's ok, iam cool with it and let's just pretend that it never happened," "you sure?" he asked, I was lost for words I just nodded my head with a smile. The moment I went back into the house tears filled the corners of my eyes, I quickly wiped them off when my phone rang, it was Tessa and she was asking me if we could hang out, in less than 40 minutes I got dressed up and was ready to go, after a tense emotional feeling I just wanted to go out and shake that pain off.

Jake and Tessa were already in my driveway waiting, I greeted them and before I could get in the car Tessa asked me about Ryan, "who's that hot guy standing over there?" I stammered for a little bit then gathered myself together, "that's just our neighbor, he's new around here," then quickly got in the car trying to avoid Tessa's questions but the Tessa I know doesn't just end on one question, "how come you never told me about it?" "what is there to tell," I said to her as I chuckled, "ummm hello have you seen him? He's like the Brant Daugtierty version living in your neighborhood and you couldn't tell me about it, is he married?" "Tessa," Jake  interrupted, "can you just think straight for once, forget the neighbor and let's go have some fun I bet  you'll meet a ton of cute guys there. Tessa leaned in her seat and scoffed.

It was quite a hot day so we just went to the beach, Jake's friends were already there and I was glad that Micheal wasn't there. It felt so good to have last night's memory and today's talk with Ryan fade away, I had the best time with my friends, we swam in the ocean, we surfed,played  volleyball and other games it was so good.That evening I was relieved but despite having a good time at the beach I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss and what Ryan told me.

After dinner I went outside to dumb the garbage and I saw Ryan sitting outside, though it was dark I could tell that he was down in the dumps so I walked over to him and sat next to him on his door steps, for a few seconds he looked away then looked back at me with a smile, "hi" it was then when I saw that his face was like a wet wee-end and as much as he tried to hide it I could tell that he was crying. "what's wrong" I sympathetically asked him, "nothing, why do you ask?" "cause I can see it,don't lie to me Ryan I know you're hurting, what is it?"his tears rolled down his eyes but the more he wiped them off, the more they kept coming honestly I felt like I was grieving with him, I couldn't bare seeing him crying,he exhaled deeply then said" ummm   on Thursday I will be going for court hearing about Melissa's custody, ever since Rachel died her family has not entrusted me with Melissa especially now that I'm struggling to get a job they think that it's best if she were in a much stable environment and I think it's obvious that this time they will take Melissa away"

I was so sorry for him and sympathized with him, seeing the kind of love he has for his daughter I knew that it was so painful for him, "what about your lawyer can't he do anything about it?" "I don't think there's anything much he can do,what's worse is that I don't have a job right now so that might be convincing for the judge to give Melissa's custody to her grandparents, I just don't know what to do," he said as he covered his face, I didn't know what else to say so I just gave him a long hug to let him know that I was going to be there for him.