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I am thankful in this way
I am nothing without his wisdom,
Nothingness only exists if I don't have him.
I am his daughter and he is more than a King, for he is also my Father.
He is an almighty Creator.
He helps light my way,
With doors ahead lit by paths of guidance.
Ways no one would ever dare to take willingly on their own.
Once I did,
Once I dared,
I failed miserably,
I failed and fell into his Grace.
He forgave me for the child I am.
He fortold me of my future through those I've barely met.
I know many who dislike the creator and place false-hoodedness amongst their tongues.
Need not look to see how volatile.
I am and would not be here without my mother, nor brother, nor biological Dah, chíchí, Abuela, friendship, passions, beliefs, heart, music, theater's, nature, world and universe beyond the infinite time in itself.
I feel an idiot in my own ways when I put him aside.
I felt nothing,
Not even a single pick of air nor the atoms. Worse than şifr before 1598.
I am nothing is falsely.
I am nothing becomes very costly.
Therefore, like the beginning, so was I. And unlike the end, I shall be forever constant.
Constant and well in all of his Glory and presence.
I will have sight into the words that need no introduction, leaving behind more than History and Life itself.
An infinite ♾️ and boundless reformance.
Tutelary
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365
June 24th 2016
The sound 🎼of the first note,
The beat of the keys and your heart.
The unison 🎸🎺🎷🎹 of your Orchestra.
The share of the waves and deafness within each soul thats given ✴.
Time will become evident in its own form.
This is the true nature of ones music, sound and soul being poured together!
This is your Orchestra of Passion.
《¤ArkCrimson¤》
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316
Too Long...
I haven't seen the colors in a long time.
Lord knows it's been too long...
Yesterday I saw a squirrel with a red tail. When it walked across the rays from the sun, it looked like he had glittered gold. He'd pick his acorns and climb back up the tree. He repeated that process until the birds came over.
Hmm.....
But none of the them appeared today.
It was silent, I know they hadn't come this morning because the acorns laid across the ground.
It was Thursday and today was to be one of the busiest days due to the shift into the new group building.
The old one was being torn down.
So how come no one is moving a bone.
There are no cars, no animals, no people, no wind.
. . .
I went up to the roof of the new building, as it was the tallest with 22 floors.
If I could see anything, this would be the place.
But each floor I climbed...
(Drip)
It's not hot, but I'm sweating...
(Splush)
I don't remember there being an endless stairway here....
(Huff-huff)
48, 49, 50....
(Creek)
Finally, the top of the building. Although... how did I get here!?
...
I was standing on the ledge of the building peering downward at the ground. There was a bit of air blowing around. A few clouds of rain looked ready to drop. But ...
(Splush)
Had it already rained??
I swear my eyes were wide open...
I thought I was awake!
!!!!!!
Why am I looking at the wall?
I don't remember where I am.
(Deep breathe)
I found everyone.
I found a bird....
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316
Thinking
We don't need to understand everything, that's not our goal.
Thinking too much No matter the Matter can really kill us.
That- that is our choice to make.
A choice of many we often have more than others.
I cannot see the Heat, but it knows me well. So well that it affects my health.
We often see ourselves without a mirror. Somehow we can even define things our bodies can control, the amount of accountability that we possess inside our minds.
That's a key isn't it.
I know my worth, I've made progress and I've worked way past the good limits and through the death of some.
Although this mirror is clean and polished... it still has a disgusting look.
I'm not talking about myself or the mirror.
I can see the soul, its light and its life.
So when the mirror sees my reflection, it has me in a hold of sorts.
One in which requires my soul form to pass through the very Galaxies that forms from every eye.
I can see you in the dark,
When it's raining and you decide to slumber. The amount of times you look for the phone in your hands, or even the mic when you check your voice.
The only thing I'm okay not figuring out'''' is the tiny flutter I get when it looks back.
So I can be my worst enemy and comrade, but if it's okay.
I'd still like to call you cutie.
The only Name I've ever given you but also the only one you've heard from me.
Thinking is something we don't need to stay with. That's torture.
But living in thoughtful ones,
That can help us breathe more than we can.
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240
When did this become a thing?
A child of spurt and curiosity will lead to faster knowledge.
One of captivity by there own choice leads to a slower one.
What of one who did both?
What then...?
I can no longer recall sometimes the answers that lie before us all.
So, when did this, Become such a thing?!
It started with migraines in 1st grade.
Not long after did allergies come to play with us.
We began making wonderful friends after that.
Besides the excessive abuse, stalkers and collectors, we had many body friends.
They came in sharp white stabbing, nauseating, pulsing, shaking, shivering blah blah pain!!!!!
But oh, they mean well.
Don't they.
From migraines and allergies.
To lupus,
Fibromialga,
Colon cancer,
The tumors,
The 9000 hours of testing, bleeding, x-rays, Dr's, medicine, needles in my head type of fun.
The bile reflexes,
The sacrum and vertebrae,
The surgeries,
Rhinitis, hives, breathing, that's not the problem.
More so the PTSD, Anxiety and Depression maybe.
But when did I need to take over 20 medications to try and feel better!?
This only makes me cry,
This only makes it want to hide.
I lie.
My friends don't know.
My family don't know.
The church doesn't even know.
But
GOD knows
My dogs know
I'm just sorry you all find out the hard way.
But...none of you have ever really asked.
That's, that part is you.
When we first became friends...
Oh how you loved and lied to me.
Got payed to pity me.
Hugged me with me holding the blade to our backs because trust, trust wasn't allowed between this party.
Just like your Honesty-
...
Now I have "BETTER" friends.
-
"Hey Ark, What's your life story? I'm really interested in how you became so awesome!"
You aren't looking at me as I sit there on the three seater couch with you literally two inches away from me.
And I'm excited, because you're the first since Manny, but he disappeared.
I was ready with hope and happiness to tell you about myself and grow a great bond.
My mouth wide open like my eyes!
"But sum it in three words okay, I don't have time for the whole story."
Never did you blink or rethink that phrase.....
What am I to you....
Really?!
I thought if anyone, maybe you!
God I was wrong to look at him wasn't I!?
So tell me,
.....
When did this, Become such a THING!?!
(GOD The Plague of it All)
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268
'Smirk'
Its a Thing
As my mind slowly dissipates,
My time becomes looped and engrossed in things my body no longer has.
I seclude my inner self from the mirrors,
Not by fear nor by the enjoyment.
I no longer feel and see in which I once did or want to, it's hard to think when everything bombards the passageway inside my head.
This snow like feeling was long awaited and made more of a blessing than others will ever realize.
I had a peace unlike the waters and no storms were made again.
Once the change came to let this snow go,
Of course I couldn't follow it yet- but I so badly wanted to keep diving into the foam.
I don't care about the outside with a bandaid, it's more so the inside of a laughter that has my attention.
The grasping of ones eyes meeting mine energetically calms everything almost like the snow and helps me focus again.
I'm thankful for the heads that don't shutter away from mine, so know that when I'm not glancing it isn't out of torture.
But more so out of fortune in eachothers souls, the years that I have gathered whilst you've noticed or not and I have fixed them to make up infinite outcomes. Even if you're just one I cross for the blink of one or the blink of many.
Time has so become increasingly difficult, blessed, fast and invisible to this moment.
But this the outcome I've come to gather once again for the sake of this thing that I no longer call again.
Such a sanctioned grey area this thing is.
Such a thing it is indeed.
Dearly beloved soul of humanity~ `smirk`
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579
VALLEY
Where the waters meet the Mountains,
And the footprints guide the spring.
Know there's no hidden pasture between our souls.
At one glance we are treasure,
By the second but a measure,
To the third a scalpeled pleasure,
For by the fourth recasted Venture.
Every moment swallowed by the hands that tell our future.
Our implications of eachother sour.
May the fruiting sprout its once benign tastes.
Sought from the hands of our respective elders, whom prayed to their homes master of many.
Chased with budding of every flourished living atom to the dead sprouts of tomorrow's plenty.
No secret hidden from the blindness,
No devil in our caskets.
For every spring a river guided by paths of life and time,
Allowing adventure and advancement from our hearts and minds.
Seek not which hasn't been taken,
Yet learn from those whom have.
For once we were loving,
By the fourth never re-buried.
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397
Ltn.k
I let the night go.
I let the light roll.
I let the stars fly.
I see the sun shine.
I see from outer space.
I hear the roar from the lion race.
I hear the engines storm as the planes go by.
I do the criss cross from a different age.
I do the kung fu like jet Lee in the movies.
Yet here I am still staring at your face.
I sing the notes from a lullaby.
I act scenes from the third kind.
I watched shows like unsolved mysteries.
And I'm over here with my hands held high.
My knees couldn't be more in the ground but I'm not suffering.
As a kid I could've missed a few showers.
Always ate dinner at the table and used my manners.
Bullies were a thing but they didn't take me.
Evil came to play but it didn't shake me.
I stand on hills at the end of the day trying to see the rest of the land.
Most times I'll sit there for awhile and paint the lands before the maps.
I'll get there one day.
I see the smoke that fills the air.
I see clouds that cover me.
I hear the rain wash away everything.
I hear the boy from yesterday begin crying.
I March the bridge in front of me.
I stamp the letters sent away.
I call names everyday.
I play a song each morning.
I walk a line every night.
I feel the grass on the other side.
I know it's not long before I see the sun tomorrow.
but this letter is for those of you whom have to do what I do.
See such a deep blue before a new moon.
A letter to a friend.
------.....===...=Ltn.k--------:
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391
A Heaven
Can you imagine heaven?
Is it really fair?
Could you call it something other than what it is?
Sometimes there's only one thing I can ever think about.
The imagination of it all....
Imagining the beginning to the End and all there is to hold between it all.
It's like an escape route without a map.
Only different-
It's no escape.
It is only a formidable shadow lying behind your feet.
Never casting the shadow in the right direction, but not taking one in surprise.
Imagine being upside-down,
You are.
You can't see it,
You can't feel it.
Not really.
From. Space you can see it all....well mostly.
But from the ground, you're never hearing the truth.
So does imagination count?
Would you be able to imagine heaven?
When you're upside-down, it's quite easy to mis place your steps. Hell isn't below you, now is it?
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342
No Mistake In You
No mistake in you
Can I say whats really on my mind?
Can I be a thinker and it not be a crime?
We keep getting pushed against the ruble.
Shaken like a bottle full of spritz.
I think my emotions are on the brim-
You can't break the bottle floating with the boat inside it.
We're racking up rekenrek but falling like abacus.
The shrouds over blooming but this 2020 die has been spinning in a loop.
I'm stuck without glue, I'll always venture towards you.
My life is written in your hands and has become apart of this book too.
I'm sorry to myself and to the rest of our story.
Let's rewrite this ending and make it worth the glory.
3
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372
Stay?
How can you ask me such a thing?
You tell me "I like you".
You say "Your lips are rosey".
Yet you show me nothing.
You play tunes of forgiveness and love, adventure and happiness.
But when it comes to them....
When it comes to us....
You show nothing.
How can you ask me such a thing!?
This mask you built around your face is disgusting.
Sure, I have one too.
But it doesn't reek of suffer.
I trusted a part of you to come to me.
You shoved it away.
I trusted our friendship and yet you chewed it like gum.
I saved you from falling down when you didn't notice, but failed to catch me at deaths door.
You ask such an awful thing of me.
No matter, I will not.
I will not stay with you.
I will not cling nor remember it all.
I wish to forget the negative you placed.
Do not ask me such a thing for I will not do what is asked.
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598
"GRAVE"
When the days go cold,
You say it's bold.
The nights grow long from the world in row.
From the dirt less grave,
Every man made cave,
Silent kills under blood we paint.
Its gonna break us down,
We're deep deep down.
There's no spotless place we can call with our names.
I'll try to drown it all out,
I'll try to find a way out.
We're countless and boneless to the time dug up.
It's pretty cold in here,
My life is drawing near,
I'll have to wait again before time can begin.
One last catch of air I have to hold this year,
With the tide unknown.
I must go,
And I must go too soon.
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371
SPLIT
It was my reflection.
she looked at me,
like she questioned my every motion.
I tried to move around her but she would stop me like a
shadow.
She tried to mask me,
to show me that she existed.
___
I kept away though. I couldn't take that I had to see her
all the time~
every mirrored surface showed me that girl.
I,
I wanted to break it all.
I wanted to cut it deep down and leave the stitches
unlocked.
I didnt like her and I couldn't love her.
I couldn't.
just couldn't touch her.
I, couldn't hold her and tell her it was alright.
that it was okay to cry and scream out everything.
that what was going wrong was not her fault.
I couldn't tell her!
I couldn't reach her reflection.
I couldn't obtain myself.
___
I couldn't see her.
____
I was her!
____
Like a shadow in the dark and ruined mirrors.
That maze of her was really my reflection staring back at
me and I couldn't protect her.
I can't help her.
___
But,
I'm better and when I see her.
I love her
I find her
I call upon her and try to hug her.
I try, but I still can't meet her eyes.
our mirror's are broken and we are never spoken.
[SPLIT]
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402
GIVEN
I was given a time period
Time that I no longer had.
Still alive and facing all the wrong,
I grew up to be more than strong.
_ _ _
Fear couldn't grasp me,
Evil couldn't touch me,
Love didn't fool me-
And you cannot break me.
_ _ _
A set of all the things that gallantly breaks the strings.
Taken back by all the crooked grins and schemes.
I take my hand above my chin,
Above my eyes,
Above my head.
(YET I GRIN)
_ _ _
I only raised my my Faith and my Hope from which in life had engraved.
And even though you call my name.
I cannot give you the time from which a moment has passed.
_
As you sit still here,
It is I that must protect your ears.
_ _ _
Raise Above your own neglections and amend what you have broken within yourself.
_
This is Something from your Nothing.
This is how you become your Everything!
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401
A difference in myself
I can see you don't see.
I don't expect you to understand.
I know you aren't there who knows when you will.
_
I am different!
I am not like the world and I don't try to be what I'm not.
I won't aim away from my arrows.
_
I know you may never truly get it and that's okay.
My friends and family,
My fans and supporters ~
All loved dearly and appreciated.
I take not nor want not such advantage of ignorance.
I seek no thrill from ill manorism.
_
I grow older,
Loosing myself from time to time,
Loosing time and memory,
Unable to be as strong as my younger self.
Grasping onto everything that keeps me standing through it all as to not fall so easily.
Recovering myself has made a difference in myself!
I'm different,
And,
Being so....
I've built a better life that I can now call my own!
Truly my own heart to give.
I am not rich nor am I dirt poor.
I'm not worry free but I don't live with it.
My difference has caused a clash so elegantly, that my inner self has diagnosed my heart as right.
For the first time since I was a baby,
I can truly let my head breathe refreshing air made from the galaxy.
_
How thankful huh
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412
A War Called Trial
We all have out battles.
All the same,
All the different.
We connect on high frequency but are detained to small matters.
A trifle thing really.
So demancive and hurtful.
No one can really conjure up their imagination enough to its understanding, but we sure try to.
We're attacked by hidden scars, invisible realities.
Guaranteed their all too real,
Even though most would deem otherwise by their denial.
I'm not telling you to be stronger,
But you won't tell yourself anything you can't complete.
Even if you yourself don't know it to be yet.
These are basic life trials and yet, they're the most wrecking.
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618
. . .
I Emptied my wall the other night. My child couldn't believe the colors were gone, it frightened her.
Everyone who saw the wall were shocked and wondered if I was okay.
Truthfully.
It was time.
I got tired of looking at something that was no longer my own.
I need to fix it to my inner self and some mask I have planted upon my eyes.
They have me all backwards and it's not my fault that it's the only thing they can see or sense from me.
I can't see myself longer than a second before I crash and ignite into a dark pit of distinguished fire.
You don't know what it's like to awaken from what I feel. You may understand to an extent, but nothing more.
I can't sleep, so I become fidgety or worse, I can't breathe I get dizzy, I see things, my head breaks open, so much happens and I can't control it. I can't slow down and I can't find a relaxing regimen.
-S-i-g-h-
It's time I put up the real me.
The me that has arrived today.
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516
Little girl
She took her time to believe in everything.
It began to overtake her very being.
Still she chose to carry weight upon herself.
Forgetting what it was like to see her heart bloom.
She was peaceful and full of spirit,
But growing up she began to know what the world is.
The things inside called broken human souls.
She started listening to others about what she should look like,
Her voice, her family, her everything.......
How could she cope with negative evil from around her.
Her very own friends cried fake love in her direction.
I pray that you'll always smile with truth and grace upon your heart.
Be gentle with yourself my little girl,
Don't go away before my eyes.
It is something I cannot take.
Don't let go and be watched.
Show them you're stronger than they'll ever believe.
Watch me take Gods hands so that you can learn to do it too.
Doing so presents you with everlasting rest.
So don't go,
Don't fly away yet.
You're still growing before it all.
Remember it~
Remember Me......
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515
Let go
Can I let go?
....
Will you let me be me?
I'm so tired and exhausted.
The air is thick and the room is shuddered in green.
Most times when I'm breathing I can hear you walk away from me.
Trying to reel me in to something less than what use to be.
I know it's wrong to see,
But can I let go this time.
...
All to heavy to hold,
Too much to carry.
You and I are broke and the sea is waving me over.
I'm not gonna cry though I wish to.
Don't force what is no longer there.
We've tried to remain there,
Only now it's about time-
Time we just let it all go.
....
No one likes goodbyes,
But for us this will be more than that.
Just let me be me so that you can finally be the you, you dream.
Let us let go.
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635
. . .
She becomes bright.
She sometimes becomes strong.
She understands it all.
She acts like tomorrow.
She dances like a shadow.
She follows around spirits.
She's known to trip,
She's known to smile,
She's known to achieve,
Shes got a good grip.
She stands beside her friends,
Sheds her heart for others.
She tends to sing the notes well-
Enough for them to see.
She never ever screams,
She never ever tells,
She never ever fails,
She never ever ernes.
She is one thing amongst us all,
She is whom she is.
A MEMORY
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471
My loss in Love
I felt you beside me-
In that moment I slipped by.
You wrapped your arms around me.
I could feel your heart beating faster,
There was a war inside your soul.
Yet-it felt like I was the effect.
I could've sworn the sun was brightly shining and spring had just set gently over us.
For some reason My mind played an awful trick on me.
As I thought it was raining quietly, you were stillfully crying.
I saw your face above mine in sadness.
There was no sun or spring this day-
Yet, you held me up as if we were dancing.
And in your weakness, let me fly above you.
I felt peaceful and unbreakable.
So why did those tears fall?
Fall between us?
I remembered every second with you like a still frame plastered in front of me.
Was it a day or an eternity that we were together?-
My mind wouldn't tell me.
Did we ever grow old?-
I felt an instill trembling about me.
Please tell me we didn't part suddenly.
Smile as if it didn't just happen, and sing with me our last duet.
My love~ Oh, how can this be.
Has it finally come?
My Loss in Love.
I wished it wouldn't come like this.
I hope there is a way I can repay you this peace.
It still feels unreal to me,
Although it's you I see alone below me.
For some reason My mind played an awful trick on me,
As I thought it was raining quietly.
You were stillfully crying.
I saw your face above mine in sadness.
There was no sun or spring this day-
Yet we were dancing and you gently repeated my name.
It looked like rain above us,
But you just hugged me tightly saying
"I Love You".
Has it been one hundred already?
It seems so long we touched paths.
I've known you been beside me,
But you still hugged as if we didn't.
I guess it finally came ~
My Loss in Love~
[ADE_K.G.]
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