Вірші
FREEDOM
Silence!
I find myself Immensely confused
Don't you dare utter a single word, they say
My thoughts remain unheard
I don't dare express myself for if I do
They strangle and torture me,
filled with despair, And never wanting to let the tears show, I fade into an unreached part of hell
Hiding my face from the light
As it excites and creeps me out
Deceiving all of you with a smile, thinking of freedom, my freedom
When will I be free?
1
0
188
UNREQUISITE?
Ensared by a well of desire
Intoxicated by your warmth
You say you love but little did I know, they were empty words and no actions
I effuse unreturned love,
darkness and realization came sooner, your vows are delicate,
promises empty, so easily do they break.
Now I know that I'm a pawn of your unrequited love,
One of your many conquests
I can hear the little whispers in my mind, silence too loud
My mind awake and super noisy
The night drips, and my life fades aways
I think I wasn’t meant to be loved
0
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60
REST DEAR AUNTY
Weeks ago, the doctors told us that
a very sneaky, shape shifting, rapid proliferation, demon-cancer
moving with a sadistic glee
Was swiftly violating your body
Its Venom trickling down your body
A dark cloud hovered in the summer sky
We never knew anything for certain
But we were hopeful and looked forward to your recovery
I remember your brave face through all the pain and suffering
You didn't shed a single tear; In your eyes we saw pain and agony
Slowly tears rolled down our eyes, they wouldn't refrain.
you stayed intact, strong and positive
You gave us hope, you promised to be okay
We knew the time had come to say goodbye, It was so hard to let you go
You told me, mwili ni maua
And now I understand that
we are impermanent beings that eventually fade away,
So I'll love life, be thankful,
and just do the best I can for as long as I can.
There is a ferocious fire,
slowly scorching and tormenting us,
To be brave is to cry, they say
We have been balling our eyes out since we received the news of your demise.
Rest my dear auntie
It's hard to say goodbye
We love you
Huruka uhoro
1
0
292
Flirty Devil
Your devilish touch
Feels Like an angel’s caress
I entertain Your sensual ways
Yet I know of the dangers
You force my heart
To listen to your flirty words
And yes you are winning
I hate this feeling
My mind and heart screams in terror
Have tried to ignore your devilish leer
But i have surrendered to your suave lush
And sweet lies
Eternally trapped
In a strong pleasure spell
How do I escape from this snare?
0
0
272
COLD
Frosty, freezing,
Icy, rainy,
Locked in the mist
Face frozen, Cold and hardened hearts
Frosty pepper up my nose
I am cold, very cold,
I can't stop shivering
The wild wind coldly blows
The sun has really gone down
Sometimes a ray will break through a peak,
In the dark gloomy sky
Its been Cloudy for too long
Coffee and more coffee,
Warm blankets
Snow of thoughts
Will I survive the "kenyan winter?"
1
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300
OH BABY
My sweet Taalihya,
This first year has been like a wild ride I couldn't slow down and couldn't get off.
I was so unprepared for the intensity of love I would have for you .
I remember the first time I saw you.
The doctor laid you on my chest just seconds after you were born.
You lifted your head slightly and locked yours with mine, searching me and started crying.
I remember wondering what you were thinking about.
But I now that you were asking me if I was ready.
Ready for the most adventurous journey; motherhood
I remember when I first held you in my arms,
Joy filled my heart and I loved you from the start.
It has been such a blessing
To see your precious life unfold.
Teaching each other new things every day
has brought happiness untold
Singing cocomelon, Your Cries, coos and baby talk, is what I most adore.
your soft voice, when you call Sarah ,
Your infectious laughter, when I tell you it's mom
Even with the many ups and downs,
The tears, hardships and happiness
With each passing day,
I understand and realize
Of all the blessings, Life has bestowed on me,
You are the best of them all
I love doing life, learning new things every day with you, especially since you waste no time growing up.
My love ❤️
1
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465
Motherhood
Tiny clothes, shoes, diapers,
I thought I had this thing called motherhood mapped out
I thought my childbirth would be smooth
But the roadblocks I encountered are a story for another day
Coming home with my tiny bundle of joy
I never thought of the lonely sleepless nights
Colicky cries, breastfeeding was the worst of all
The adverse effect they would have on me
Frustrations were many from "well-meaning" folks
Their opinions abundant on anything and everything I was doing wrong
They made me feel weak,
inadequate in every way and the worst mother ever
Isolating myself in the safety of my room, exhausted, slowly loosing it
The person who was to protect me from this
Was the one feeding the hungry ears
Their tongues wagged, words became vile
Sinking deeper and deeper in this abyss
Feeling numb, no pleasure in motherhood
Slowly loosing the battle and letting darkness engulf me
Getting professional help was the only way out my mum said
Medicine prescribed, I said fuck their advice and opinions
Cradling my baby, swaying her side to side
I chose sanity, I chose life, I chose my baby
My pride, the daughter of my youth
0
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147
DROWNING
Proudly draped in a mask of fake grins and lies
Convincing them that am alright. I know they hear my convulsive sobs at night but they do nothing
Pain, fear, anguish and darkness blankets my mind and soul,
Depression makes me think and long for death
I walk through the graveyard, yearning to be resting like them; 'in Peace?' I wish that one life was salvaged in exchange for mine. There's nothing left to live for, so I might end this life now that my demons are at their best
2
1
382
End???
A dark cloud of sadness and despair, purest black covers our world
Acute misery simultaneously extends in all directions
The cries of our people in rhapsodic agony
That words cannot describe
Shrieks of woe from every corner of this world
Corona an intangible poison
Quickly excruciating and ending the lives of our people
All we're left with is the noise, stench of death
And the hope of seeing tomorrow
2
0
249
TOO LATE
This can't be my fate
It feels so wrong.
I stood outside in the pouring rain,
How did everything go so wrong?
Thought I had everything under control,
Cz everyone thought that I was super strong
But I knew deep down
I was anything but that
As the rain poured, So did my now swollen eyes
So scared of getting hurt, I trashed his love
Never told him how much I cared,
But finally I see that I cared much more
Than I ever admitted even to myself
All I did was trying hard not to get hurt
By avoiding all his advances
But destroyed in the end
Cz I care so much and he doesn't anymore
It is too late
He is already gone and belongs to another
3
0
440
OUTCAST
Do you ever feel like your life is a circle?
You don’t know where it starts or ends
No one even knows that you do exist
You are lost and nothing seems or feels familiar
Or your life is like a sad ocean
It goes deeper and deeper
It is like a sad song or poem
It goes on and on
Everyone ignores your existence
They forget about you
And you start to question your existence
Are you destined to be alone forever?
4
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769
OUR PEACEFUL PLACE
I placed my hands on your shoulders
Ready to devour the forbidden fruit
I held them firm with wondrous awe
Behind the closed door of your apartment
The only place i could call you mine, where we get lost
And show of our love for each other
To the world we are just friends
But in this room we are two lost souls
That find their solace and healing between the sheets
I try to stop myself but I love you with a love that's forbidden
You make me feel like no man has ever made me feel before.
I take a great delight to admire you
All of your little charms that lure me to this bed again and again
Even when I swear not to
Cz with just one glance I swoon.
I love your arms around me, lips on mine
I want us to love openly
without fear or reservation,
but we can't, cz we arent meant to be
Our love is forbidden
For only in my dreams is our love acceptable in the society
3
0
489
IT'S TIME
I knew that the things you told me were all lies and empty promises
I forced my mind to think otherwise
I knew all you could leave behind was a broken heart
You blamed for your insecurities, trust issues, paranoia, anger issues or everything that went wrong in our relationship
And I accepted that they were my mistake
You could make a mistake, cry, say you are sorry and repeat the same mistake again and again
I was blinded by your fakes tears and fake love
But when all the trust, hope to try and save the relationship is lost and had a taste of the bitter truth
That you never loved me
it's time I accept that and move on with life
4
0
433
BREAKDOWN
It's becoming really hard
Always trying to hide how I feel
Forgeting how to laugh
And pretending to be happy.
Hoping they won't notice that it's all fake
And am terrified that someone might notice
And ask and I don't know how to explain to them
Why my heart and mind are cold
Why I can't be truly happy
It becoming harder
To always fight the urge to run
my body can't move
I am trembling,
I search for something or someone to hold on to
But I don't have the strength to move
My throat is closing and I can't shout for them to help
Even if they were to hear me what do I tell them
How do I explain how am feeling
My legs are giving away
Am trying hard to breath,
My hands are unsteady and trembling
My heart beats fast
Hot tears rolling down my face
I fight the urge to run and fight this demon
But am loosing the battle
I think I am screaming but I can really tell
Cz my world is spinning
And that's when I realize that
Am having another breakdown.
2
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594
DARKNESS
I lay down and stare
At the dark and starless sky
Darkness surrounds me
It's getting colder and colder
My heart and world are so empty
All alone I drown in my tears
My soul is quickly dying
But no one seems to notice, not my friends or family
I thought fear and trauma were supposed
To fade away with time,
But here I am, months later
And these demons are still haunting me
5
0
404
TRUST ME
You don't know how it kills me
Everytime you say that you don't trust me
I know you've been hurt and abandoned before,
But that doesn't not justify
Why you don't trust me
Cz am not them
And its time you stop comparing me to your exes
Trust me when I say that
I wont leave or abandon you,
Cz i do love you
1
1
418
SO CLOSE BUT SO FAR AWAY
I toss and turn on my bed, i feel like am chasing someone I’ll never have in this life,
I hate that my body responds to every stupid thing you do,
am getting addicted to the rush i get everytime you touch me or whisper into my ear
what are you afraid of they ask? Falling in love with him cz I can't get him
My heart races with desire to be loved by you
Mind crowded with thoughts of you that I have been trying to outrun
I can feel this thing called love, but I don't want
Cz you belong to another
1
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487
I'M DONE
I’m so done hoping we could make it work
I'm done waiting for you to make up your mind
And decide if am the one or not
Cz every time I do, comes disappointment
I'm done laughing at your lame jokes
Or every word you say cz they aren't funny
I’m done with attempting to make you say you feel the same
I’m done with trying to impress your nonexisting heart
4
0
433
Letting Go
I tried so hard to understand, but I couldn't
We weren't meant to be
I tried to teach my heart to stop loving you
But it doesn't listen to me no more
I tried my hard to be together
To be strong and say that I was okay with your decision
To just be friends when I wanted more
But it looks like there is no other way
You mean everything to me
But looks like you just played with my emotions
By giving mixed signs and false hope
And its time to say good bye
I now know that our paths are different
And I pray that they never cross again
This is should be the last time we meet, please take care
My heart will always beat for you
2
0
391
Sinking
I sit in my room,
while pretending it's all good
But I'm not okay,
Told you the truth
that I am depressed,
but you say I'm okay
And should snap out of the thing I call depression
I wish I could find a way to do so
And stop living with it day in day out
I wish it was a just phase
As you say but I have to push through
And try to be strong and sane again
Medication helps sway,
Feelings of insecurity and suicidal thoughts away
But they do fail to heal me completely
2
0
434
Bestie
You know I still remember the first day we met
You were too shy and reserved to say much at all
It’s too funny to think back to that time and look at you now
You are the most the extroverted person I have ever meet
But we don't talk anymore cz our friendship is hitting a rough patch
We’ve been through so much together
You came into my life when needed you the most
I'll never forget how you never fail to show how much you care
I still can't believe that our friendship is about to end
Cz of my stupidity
And now you hate me
want nothing to do with me,
it is very hard to accept.
I owe you an apology, and this is the right time
It wasn't my intention to hurt you
I thought by hiding some stupid things I did from you
I was protecting you but I was being selfish for making that decision
I feel bad cz I never wanted to let you down
Let me be honest with you
The few months we've not been talking feels like forever
I miss you and your stupid jokes
I know I messed up
And I'll forever pay for my stupidity
Wish I could put life in a reverse gear right now
And undo every wrong I did
Please stop punishing me
And forgive me for what I did
All I need is another chance
I want you to know that I still care
And I want to be your annoying soulmate again
I won't promise not mess again cz I know
Am the shity one in this friendship
But I promise to do my best and to consider us
Before making stupid decisions
2
2
316
QUESTIONS
I have so many questions
I wonder if I'll lookup to the sky
Will I get the answers I am longing for?
How long will I keep on crying and blaming myself?
How long will I wait to get you out of my mind?
How long will it take to let go, accept what happened and move on with my life?
How long will it take me to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could have
Done to save you, and you'll never be cz I lost you before I met you
I wish there was something I could have done
For you to grow inside me till your due date
And for us to meet once you were born
I could have been your mom and best friend
But I guess it wasn't time for me to be a mom
Cz God loved you more and he called you home
The thoughts of you baby Kayden are slowly killing me
Your dad doesn't give a shit about me anymore
I guess you were the only thing that connected us
I feel so lonely even if am surrounded by my friends and family
I feel that no understands what am feeling
But I promise I'll be strong cz I know you want me to be
I loved you and still do love you my baby
4
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424
NOSTALGIA
I prefer being nostalgic
About you, because am safe from my thoughts of you
I know you are happy with her but I want still want you
Even if I know that there is no way to get you back
This feeling of wanting you more than before
Has been following me around
Never left since the day we said goodbye
And wished each other happiness in life
As I sit in our empty house and
stare at your favourite seat it stares
My poor mind floods with the things
we used to do together
Our forever crumbled in front of our eyes
It tears me apart cz I did nothing to stop it
This feeling of great loss follows me everywhere
Our sweet memories haunts me every time I see any of your favourites
Loneliness follows me and now it has become a part of me
The mistakes I made, the tears you shed cz of me
Are haunting me and am paying dearly
How I wish I could tell you all this
4
0
396
DARKNESS
Am in a world full of darkness
Pain is the only feeling existing
My endless cries are in vain.
It is a place where my tears hold no meaning to those who see them
The nightmares continue to drive me insane
I can no longer breath freely am slowly loosing myself
My happiness is long gone
And replaced with darkness and pain.
10
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550
HEALING
I hate that I have to keep my chin up
Fake confidence and smiles
To deceive the world, Yet am a prisoner
of emotional scars that won't heal no matter how hard I try
When its time to give up, I don't
But I pull through this madness
Try and get the strength
That will help me survive this
Sadly I stare at the stars
Looking for the brightest one
My guardian angel
And hope that he'll be with me til the end of this
How can one heal emotional scars
I ask myself over and over
sadly life never turns out how we want it to
But we have to be strong, fight and overcome our fears
Fighting that demon, we call emotional scars is hard
We all give up at times
But we must push and push, till we make it
Defeat this demon and heal the scars
4
0
510
FARCE
Every time you break me, my soul slowly dies
There is a fake wide grin to cover my pain and sadness
Tears and physical pain masked by fake laughter
The scars and injuries on my body covered with thick layers of makeup
Everyday I hid behind the lies you force me to tell
Have told myself that I have had enough of your temper
That I should stop pretending to be fine and tell the truth about you
But then I remember that no one will believe me cz you are a saint in their eyes
Night time is good cover for all my tears
As no one notices when I cry in the darkness
Consumed by love, trust, anger and hatred
I have lost everything including me
If only I could go back in time
To stop myself from falling in love
I'd try to be everything that I would have been
Before you came and ruined my life with your fake love
If i had the time machine, I would undo my lies
Let the world see you as the true monster you are
But now I hope for the best which is for you to change
And be the person I feel in love with
4
0
526
PAIN
My hip joint locks
My muscles freeze cz of this unbearable pain
I can't walk and am scared
I don't want to loose the battle
I have not been sleeping
For the last few days
All I do is cry all night
The pain and the nightmares are unbearable
I wish that you could understand
How it hurts to move my leg
Its like someone is ripping apart my hip joint
I wonder when it will all come to an end
I want to scream out loud for the world to feel the pain with me
But I know I won't do so cz they will say am crazy
I feel like am drowning in this world of pain
And I have no way out right now
If I have no doctor appointment
I just lay in bed all day doing nothing
scared to think, what happens next
Or what the doctor will say after the tests
5
1
647
QUESTIONS
How are you?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
The stupid questions they ask
Why these questions and you already have the answer
Are you emotionally stable now?
How can I be after what I have been through in the past few weeks
I cry myself to sleep every night
And I pray this will come to an end soon
I hope it will be tomorrow, that for the first time since I lost
I'll sleep without crying, for I will be okay
Happiness will bloom from inside me
I pray and hope it'll be a fine new day and a fresh start for me
3
2
567
ALWAYS WITH YOU
Remember me even if I have to say goodbye.
Leaving with no assurance of coming back tomorrow
I know am going to leave a hollow in your heart
I hate myself for being selfish but my time to rest has come
Remember me when people and things turn against you
Know I'll always be there to listen
Tell me of your worries like before
Even if I can't answer, I will Always listen
Remember me when you loose hope and strength
Think of my not so wise words
I know they will help you find your way and callling
Cz I know you have a bright future
Remember of all the things we did together
The sad, happy and boring moments we shared
Keep all our memories alive
All I carry with me are the happy days and moments we had
Remember me cz of how hard I fought
to stay by your side, but this is my calling. Time has come for me to go my way. Do not let anything bring you down for I know you're strong
Remember the words I told you when
they said that am loosing the battle, use them in life
I will be with you every step of the way
To see you achieve our dreams, now your dreams
With my strength failing and pen out of ink. I promise to be with you always, I will be the air you breath, the wind that cools you when it's hot, close your eyes everytime you miss me and you will see my smile
Goodbye my dear friend, I love you always
8
1
617
All I want
I sat there and waited
For you to notice my pain
For you to see that I had waited long enough
And give me the one thing I wanted most
All I wanted was for you shower me with love
Never left cz they said that you loved me
But you just didn't know how to express it
But I can't wait forever for that
You stopped calling cz you didn't care
And I started balling out tears
When I finally realized how stupid I was
I opened my eyes and started noticing things I didn't before
I went on my bed and cried, I was so depressed
And sad waiting for something I knew would never come
My heart doesn't beat fast when I see you
I guess that I have finally let go
I didn't know that saying goodbye is this hard
I don't have the courage to face you
To tell you that we have to stop having meaningless sex
All in the name of friends with benefits cz I don't feel it any more
I don't want to be your friend anymore
Cz I know you are not
You have led me onto this dark path called love then left me
To find my way back to sanity all alone
5
0
485
MISERY
We never defined this thing
But we were happy with what we had
I gave you all I had, I tried everything to make it last
But I feel in love with you and I had to call it quits
You wanted nothing more than a friendship
It broke my heart cz I couldn't change your mind
What made me stay was the fact that
Everything we did made you happy and I was happy
We always said this thing will last forever
For we had agreed to not fall in love
Falling in love sucks, It cut so deep into me
And now I have to let go cz I was never to fall in love
But now all I have and carry with me
are memories from the past
When you look me in the eyes all you can see
Is a broken stupid girl who feel in love with you
I didn't want to fall in love
It just happened and there was nothing I could do
I regret everything we did together
But loosing you will be worth it for it will give me time to heal
All I want is for you to hold me close
Kiss me softly, wipe away my tears
And tell me you feel the same way
And save me from all this
4
0
536
VOICE
Today I have decided to be the voice of them all
Shout to the whole world, to be the voice of minority
To say that the destruction and the killing has to stop
I have decided to talk on behalf of my people
I refuse to be used by callous people
I repudiate to cower cz of the pain you inflicted is killing me
Today I refuse to be the victim of fighting amongst the heartless ones
I choose freedom, I choose forgiveness, I choose peace
I refuse to be the slave cz of you voracious people
I refuse fear, I know you can harm me but I will protect myself
I refuse to be used, to do your dirty works, I clean my hands
I refuse to burn houses, block roads, I won’t kill.
You vowed to protect me from everything,
My fears, conscience, guilt, internal battles
Have been consuming me, like inferno
They have killed me and brought me back to life
I choose to repent, seek forgiveness to be able to forgive me
I will love my neighbor despite their tribe, race, height and all deformities
I will go ask for forgiveness from the people I have hurt and hope for forgiveness
But before all is to seek God and his forgiveness
Good bye dark, callous, dirty, merciless and voracious world
I choose light, I choose forgiveness, I choose a new beginning
My final world to you in the dark world, come back to the brighter side
There's light hope, unity, and most of all love for everything good.
5
0
424
Demons
You are nothing, they said
My mind is a mess
They tell me am sad and pathetic
The voices in my head are killing me, a slow and torturous death
All the blows, punches
I won’t let them see how much they get into me.
I hide my fears and tears from them
What they don’t know is that they rip me into two
They said I shouldn’t cry cz am not human
That’s why I take it all and not shed a tear
I can’t speak cz mouth is sealed
Or fight for myself cz they have broken me down
Heart growing to stone
All because it bled to death an back to life
Seeing the day is the a miracle for the horrible nights I have
Cz they are always on the attack to crumble me down
A heart of steel, hatred, anger
This is what comes to me everytime I hear their voices
I plan and plan their deaths in my head
But I don’t execute them cz I know they will always win
They inflict pain cz they know they always win
I know they want me dead
They have triedbut never won
They are the demons in the walls of my mind
3
0
451
Sorry Mama
Mom I know it's too late to write this
But I want to apologize for listening and not following your advice
For I have made a mistake and very big mistake
I know this apology will not justify anything
I am sorry for making you the laughing stock among other women
I hate myself for tarnishing your image
But let me finishing telling you this story
Before I curl into a ball and and crawl into a hole
Away from the judging eyes of the people in our society
I feel like a fool cz you gave me all your love but I was never gratified
I had to get more from the cruel and heartless man I now call my baby daddy
He said that we should not use protection,
For he has every thing covered and would like to start a family with me someday
A few months later the fruits of our forbidden love have started showing
People are pointing fingers calling me names and I don't know who turn to
Cz the man who promised me heaven wants nothing to do with me or my baby
I have thoughts of taking my life but I don't want you to suffer
I know am selfish for needing your love and support more than anything right now
For I know nothing about babies and am hoping, you won't turn your face from
I know am to blame for everything happening in my life now
For making poor decision even after you taught me well
I cry myself to sleep every night cz I know that my life will come to halt
My education, my friends, my party life, I have to leave every thing and focus on my baby
Who is as a result of forbidden love and my stupidity and naivety
The child that will take away my life and my youth
My friends no longer want to be friends with me
They are ashamed of me and call me the names
For listening to a stupid man, even after you had warned me about these heartless men
I hope that you'll find it in your heart to forgive me cz you are all I have in this life
Mother am sorry for being a fool and for breaking your heart
For I know you had big dreams about my future
But I shattered them in just a few minutes of pleasure
And for not thinking about you before making stupid decisions such as not using protection
3
1
471
MY PAIN
All alone I lie here
All alone I cry
Slowly fading into nothing
All alone am dying
My eyes tightly closed
I'm holding onto memories
That I try to block
But the hatred is much stronger
I'm losing control of myself
My soul is crying
You caused all this
you led me to a place of no return
You took away everything
My friends, my family
Loneliness hurts
It kills me and makes me feel empty
I cry myself to sleep every night
Hugging and holding my pillow
Wishing that someone could hold me
And take away the pain
3
1
516
ALONE
Am sinking
Slowly dying of poisonous despair
Someone poisoned me with distress
Am in a place where time stopped
nothing moves
Just sadness and grief
2
0
448
MY BABY
We are heart broken to know we can't have you
It hurts so much
We never got a chance to meet you
To hold you in our arms
I don't know if i can ever move past this heartache
This pain in my chest that won't go away
One minute I had you in my womb
The next minute they say that you are gone
My life a blur cz my happiness has turned into sorrow
I didn't know I was going to lose you too soon
The most difficult part is that there was nothing
I could have done to save you,
But watch you leave my body in form of blood
Am sitting on my bed numbed with pain
For loosing the precious thing that was so close
To my heart yet so far away
I don't how to cope with this pain
Am I being punished for a sin I had committed?
Cz am paying and its not easy
I don't how I'll survive
But I have to be strong for me and for daddy
I just want to let you know that daddy and mummy
Love you sana
I know I have to let go
You'll be in our hearts forever
5
0
518
VENGEANCE
Deep down in a dark secret place known as my heart,
in its deepest chambers lies the emotions of my own mistery
Deep scars that can never be repaired or healed
Because of the pain I have endured as your woman
Your spiteful and hateful words
Hurt more than the punches you threw
Or the physical torture I had to endure
They have left cracks in the wall of my heart
My poor soul is roting alive
Cz you were never punished for what you did
The physical pain you caused vanished with time
But the emotional pain is still fresh
I promise you that you'll face my vengeance sooner than expected
For the pain I have stashed in a small corner of my heart and mind
For the false hopes and fake love you gave
For the love you promised during our love making but never gave
3
0
532
ALONE
I stumble and wonder alone
in this crazy wilderness I call my mind
The blazing fears, crazy thoughts and illusions
Crushing me each and every second of the day.
I find my self wondering here and there
In search of an oasis in this desert to quench
And put to rest my poor mind, but all I walk into
is the dark side of the wilderness full of hallucinations
Pricked by thorns of hallucinations
I walk full of doubt, fears and pain
Determined to find my way back to the old me
To escape this shadow I now call myself
I keep dreaming, no I should call them
The pictures in my mind, of bad things happening to me
It's like I have been brainwashed or am I loosing it?
I can't help myself cz you control my every move and thought
4
0
633
HIS PAIN
He wrote her songs, but she could not listen
They fell hard in love, and they knew it won’t last
He sat on her bed crying silently cz she told him not to
He knew the time had come, to share their last kiss
He lingered on her sweet lips longer than before
Hours go by and he can’t accept
That by letting go he is doing what’s best
Moving on with his life without her on his side
The hardest part was to let her go and
Without shedding tears
Thinking of a day without her was his greatest fear
A day without her voice, kisses, was going to kill him
He wrote the song of how much he loves her
Of how he would always protect her from this world
And never say goodbye
But death, her death beat him to it
5
0
483
Demons of the night
Sadly, its the golden hour again
far far in the beautiful horizon
the sun slowly paves way
for the cold, dark and star less night
Darkness fills my room and my world
my heartbeat echos through the room
waking the demons of the dark night
my head spins at the thought of the long night ahead
Drenched in a thick layer of sweat
my heartbeat going wild
I awake from another horrible nightmares
they all end with me dying, i have nothing to loose if they came true
I feel my end is getting closer and closer
my tears crash into the dust in my room
i cry even harder thinking of what they will say if i loose the battle
they will call me a coward for not fighting harder to keep my sanity
i feel empty, pain surges through my body and tears have become food to my stomach
the guilty of not thinking about the others before letting go creeps in
before i let the demons take over
3
0
525
I ONLY EXIST ON YOUR BED
My blood vessels and heart are going wild with desire for you
The desires am forbidden from having
You are my forbidden fruit,
the one that I should not touch or even look at.
The thoughts of not having you killing me
Even though I know you will be the death of me
My heart is palpating fast, with great lust
desire Flowing in my veins like a strong magic
The thoughts of your sweet lips on every part of me
Devouring and nibbling every inch of this flesh
Torturing me and me asking for more
Making me even ready for more of you
Sitting on your lap, fingers running through your hair
kissing deeper and deeper with every breath we take
Desires overwhelming us, wanting to feel your hands on body
my body feels like it's on fire wanting more of you
Grab me tighter, run your lips all over
I want to feel you,
I want to lust for you asyou slowly and slowly reach my sweet spot
and make me blast like there is no tomorrow
Even though I know I regret it in the morning
I'll enjoy this more than anything
Even if you always go back to her
With the same lame excuse 'she is your wife'
You say she doesn't make you happy I do
and you don't want to make us official
cz she the one you love
but i only make you happy in bed, that's why i only exist on your bed
4
2
446
I Lack Motivation
Black is the only colour in my life
I lack motivation for anything
I tell myself that no one cares about my existence
I have negative and evil thoughts of taking my life
I know people care but thoughts are stronger than my will to believe
I taught my heart and mind to block all these emotions
I give myself physical and emotional pain
Saying that I deserve the hurt and the sufferings
I don’t really know why but I take it all
But I always let it overpower and crowd my mind.
My friends ask why am always quiet, sad, and very thoughtful
I tell them that am tired very tired
All thanks to my fake grin that fools them all
It convinces them that am fine very fine.
I hate to think of the day
The day I lost my sweet self, the day I lost all
The day the world took away my innocence
The day I learnt that people can survive without me
The day they inflicted pain on me, forced to join the enemies
The day they swore to take my life and that of my loved ones
If I ever opened my big mouth to tell the world the truth
The day they feed me with fear, I hate it cz I did their dirty works
5
0
463
Redemption
I stumble and wonder alone
in this crazy wilderness I call my mind
The blazing fears, crazy thoughts and illusions
Crushing me each and every second of the day.
I find my self wondering here and there
In search of an oasis in this desert to quench
And put to rest my poor mind, but all I walk into
is the dark side of the wilderness full of hallucinations
Pricked by thorns of hallucinations
I walk full of doubt, fears and pain
Determined to find my way back to the old me
To escape this shadow I now call myself
I keep dreaming, no I should call them
The pictures in my mind, of bad things happening to me
It's like I have been brainwashed or am I loosing it?
I can't help myself cz you control my every move and thought
My mind swirls in it's own crazy universe
Filling my heart with emptyness and despair
And forever falling into endless nothingness
My body needing rest but mind says no
Eyes closed, I try to remember the good old days
Make false memories in my mind for me to forget
How I feels to see someone breath their last
Life forcely taken from them as they witness it all
4
1
587
Lost
I walk through the dirty paths in my hood
People stare longer and talk in hushed voices
Judging me harshly for a mistake I did out of love
For am starting to show
I know what they are saying
They are calling me names for falling into your trap
Am only a stupid teenager
Please try and understand me instead of judging me
I cry myself to sleep every night
Cz I now know that am a fool
For believing that you were going to be on my side
During this hard days if not for me, you should do it for your baby
Am going into depression and I can't save myself
Am praying and wishing that people will stop
The mean things they are saying are slowly killing me
And I have to be strong for this boy or girl am carrying
4
0
508
Regret
I sat at the darkest corner of my room
Away from the light that illuminates the world
Knees against my chest, head between them
Thinking and rethinking about life
Eyes blinded by wellls of tears
Heart crushing and bleeding with despair
Legs stumbling and stumbling in search
For the road to redemption, my redemption
Regret the worst poison, corroding the last
Sense I have left, the poison trickling down my viens
Which makes me numb to emotions, my mind a havoc
Of disasters created by me
4
0
455
